The phone felt heavy in my hand as I stared down at the girl’s number. I had been crushing on her for months, and finally mustered up the courage to ask her out.
All it took was a little liquid courage from the whiskey I had been nursing all night. My thumb hovered over the green call button, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I had to text her. But what would I say? I didn’t want to come off as desperate, but I also didn’t want to play it too cool. After over an hour of staring at my phone, I had come up with nothing. I was out of time, I had to act before I wimped out.
I took a deep breath and typed out a rather dry “Hey, it’s Matt. We met at the party last night.” and hit send. I waited for what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds.
Then, my phone buzzed. She had replied with a “Hey :)”. I let out a sigh of relief. I was in. But damn, she sent a one-word reply. Now what…?
Odds are, you been through the scenario I just described and it can be incredibly stressful. Guys tend to overthink the first move, or on the opposite side of the spectrum, don’t think at all.
You just have to remember that girls are just like us. They want someone to entertain them, make them laugh and consume their thoughts. If you can do that through text, you’re on the right path.
Banter back and forth, keep the conversation light and fun, and most importantly, don’t be afraid to show your personality. Be yourself and the right girl will like you for it, I promise.
Dry Texting Explained
When it comes to texting, not everyone is a natural. I mean, let’s face it – texting can be a daunting task for the unprepared. You can come across as dry when you don’t text with the same enthusiasm.
Maybe you only respond with one-liners, or your texts have zero personality. Here’s some of the top signs of dry texting:
- You send her texts that are mostly 1 or 2 word replies.
- Your texts contain very little emotion.
- Your texts are mostly about logistics and planning rather than engaging conversation.
- You frequently ask her questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no.
- Your texts rarely contain any compliments or positive remarks.
Women are turned off by men who can’t keep a conversation going, whether it be in person or through text messages. By keeping your texts dry, you might think you’re being funny by playing it cool, but trust me – women can see right through that.
So if you want to up your dating game, you need to work on your texting skills. But have no fear, there are some easy ways to add a little excitement and interest to your texts, even if you’re not a natural born texter.
Here are the 14 best ways to up your texting game and not be an absolute bore!
1. Text Like You Talk
The best way to avoid that awkward, dry texting is to text like you would talk. Imagine you’re having a conversation with her in person, and type out what you would say.
2. Be Conversational
Once you’ve started the conversation, keep it going. If she responds with one-word answers, ask her follow up questions. “How was your day?” can be followed up with “What did you do today?”.
Keep the conversation going by asking questions and being interested in what she has to say. The goal is to have a back-and-forth conversation, not a one-sided interrogation.3. Use Memes and Gifs
3. Ask Open Ended Questions
The key to a successful conversation is to ask questions. But not just any questions, effective ones. Open-ended questions are those that can’t be answered with the dreaded single word answers, like “yes” or “no”. They require a bit more thought to answer and can be a great way to get to know someone.
Here’s 10 examples of open-ended questions that can lead to more questions:
- What’s your favorite thing to do on a weekend?
- What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on?
- What’s your favorite food?
- What’s the best book you’ve read in the past year?
- What’s your favorite movie?
- What kind of music do you like?
- What’s your favorite hobby?
- What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
- Who’s your role model?
- What do you want to do with your life?
4. Respond in a Timely Manner
Once you’ve started the conversation, it’s important that you keep it going. Don’t wait too long to respond, or she might think you’re not interested. But also, don’t reply instantly. You don’t want to seem overeager.
A general rule of thumb is to wait double the time it took her to reply to you. So, if she sends you a message and it takes you two hours to respond, wait four hours before replying.
Of course, take this rule with a grain of salt. If she’s taking a long time to respond, she might be busy. In that case, it’s okay to respond sooner.
Similarly, if you’re both texting back and forth rapidly, there’s no need to wait double the time. Just reply when you have a chance.
5. Humor is Key
Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you come across as a try-hard, she’ll be turned off before you even start. Instead, try to make her laugh. Send her a funny meme, or crack a joke in your first text.
It’s important to keep the conversation light and fun in the beginning. Make her laugh and you’re in!
6. Avoid One Word Responses
This is a common mistake guys make when texting girls. The goal is to keep the conversation going, so a good rule of thumb is to avoid one-word, dry text responses, or replies that are shorter than her message.
7. Match Her Texting Patterns
If you’re struggling to think of what to say, or how often to text her, a good general rule is to match her texting patterns.
If she’s sending you long texts, then you should reply with long texts. If she’s constantly texting you emojis, then you should send emojis back.
This way, you’re not coming on too strong, but you’re also not being too passive.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. If she’s not responding to your texts, then you might want to send her a little less. Or if she’s constantly sending you one-word replies, then you might want to send her slightly longer texts.
8. Use Proper Grammar
One of the easiest ways to set yourself apart from the pack is by using proper grammar. This doesn’t mean that you have to use big words or sound like a thesaurus, but it does mean using correct punctuation and capitalization.
This will send the message that you genuinely care and you are not lazy.
It seems like common sense, but you’d be surprised at how many guys don’t follow this rule. A period at the end of a sentence goes a long way.
9. Keep it PG. For Now..
A good rule to follow here is to keep the conversation innocent and fun until after the first few dates or after you’ve hookup up with her. Then, if she’s down for it, sexting can always be fun.
10. Don’t Overthink It
First and foremost, don’t overthink it. The girl you’re texting probably doesn’t have her phone glued to her hand like you do, and she’s not refreshing her inbox every five seconds to see if you’ve messaged her.
Chances are, she’s out living her life and will get to your text when she can. When she does, she’ll be just as eager to text you back as you are to hear from her. So take a breath, relax, and don’t stress about it too much.
11. Keep It Short and Sweet
When it comes to texting, you don’t want to write a novel, but you also don’t want to come off as dry or uninterested.
A good rule of thumb is to keep your text under five sentences, or around fifty words.
This shows that you’re interested and want to keep the conversation going, but you’re not trying to monopolize her time.
12. Don’t Be a Douche
Texting is not the time to bust out your inner poet or try to be super suave. Just be yourself, and don’t try too hard.
It’s okay to be a little flirty, but don’t lay it on too thick. The last thing you want to do is come off as desperate or sleazy.
A good rule of thumb is to avoid using any pickup lines or cheesy one-liners. These almost always come across as fake and try-hard.
13. Know When to Close the Deal
The goals of having a text conversation with a girl is to get to know her and setup a date. You don’t want to beat around the bush for too long, or else you’ll come off as a creeper. But on the other hand, you don’t want to seem desperate.
So when is the right time to make your move? The answer is, there is no perfect time. You just have to go for it.
Of course, there are certain things you should keep in mind before hitting the send button.
First, gauge her interest. If she’s responding to your texts quickly and keeps the conversation going, she’s probably into you.
Second, consider the context of your conversation. If you’re just shooting the breeze about random things, it might not be the best time to ask her out. But if you’ve been talking about an upcoming concert or event, mentioning that you’d love to go with her is a great way to transition into asking her out.
Lastly, don’t overthink it. The worst thing that can happen is that she says no. But even then, you can spin it as a positive. Just say something like “That’s okay, I totally understand. Maybe another time?” And then move on.
14. Always Be Yourself
I save the most important tip for last. It seems simple, but it’s very effective. Just be yourself. When you try to be someone you’re not, it’s difficult to keep up the act. Sooner or later, your true colors will shine through.
Be confident and believe in yourself. If you don’t, no one else will. Relax and let the conversation flow naturally. If you follow these tips, I guarantee you’ll find success in your dating life.