Sexual Conversation Starters That Work: My TOP 12 Topics If You’re Looking for Sex

Conversation is the sexiest foreplay, the perfect prelude to sex, the fiery banter that gets you heated, the stimulation of the mind that transmits to the body. Conversation is a give and take. Just like sex itself. And the best give and takes — the best conversations — lead to the best sex.

Zara Barrie

In today’s digital age, many men who are looking for sex are finding it challenging to find ready and willing partners. And when they find someone, whether it’s on a date or a chance meeting at a bar, knowing the right sexual conversation starters is key.

By focusing on improving conversation skills, men can improve their chances of increasing sexual tension, and ultimately, having satisfying sexual experiences with whomever they meet.

Obviously, you need to know how to start a conversation with a woman first, but after that, what do you do?

If the things are going well and you feel like taking the talk to another level, you can use any the methods below as a jumping off point. It will definitely increase your chances of getting in her in the sack!

The Science Behind Sexual Conversation Starters

So one of your best pickup lines worked! Well done! Now what?

I think it’s useful to first talk about the psychological aspects of steering a conversation towards sex and why they are important. Here’s my take on what you need in a conversation to lead to sex.

  1. Build sexual tension: Create anticipation and desire through subtle touches, strong eye contact, and flirty comments.
  2. Keep her comfortable: Respect her boundaries, pay attention to her cues, and actively engage in a two-way conversation to make her feel valued and respected.
  3. Keep it fun: Use light-hearted humor, playful banter, and jokes to maintain a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere.
  4. Actively listen: Show genuine interest by actively listening, asking follow-up questions, and demonstrating curiosity about her experiences, desires, and fantasies.
  5. Have a plan: Think about what you want to happen after the conversation, and be prepared to suggest a change of location or activity that allows for a more intimate setting.

So now, let’s get into the best sexual conversational starters you can use to get to her / him / them into the bedroom!

1. Edgy Topics

To build sexual tension and initiate a conversation that leads to sex, it’s important to steer the discussion towards edgier, somewhat taboo topics.

This helps differentiate the conversation you’re having with a romantic interest from the ones you have with friends or family members. Some examples of edgy topics include:

  • Tattoos and piercings
  • Threesomes
  • Solo traveling
  • Kissing
  • Skinny dipping
  • Activities that lead to sex
  • Taking your clothes off and nudity

You could share a personal story about getting a tattoo and the experience of the process. This can help create a sense of shared vulnerability and openness, making it easier for your partner to engage in more intimate discussions.

2. Humor as a Segue

Introducing sex into a conversation requires finesse and tact. You should avoid being blunt or offensive, as it can easily create discomfort or make your partner feel pressured.

Instead, use humor to get laid…ahem…I mean you could use it as a tool for transition into sexier subjects. You could try:

  1. Light-hearted banter: Engage in playful teasing to create a relaxed and fun atmosphere, making the conversation enjoyable for both parties.
  2. Shared funny experiences: Share amusing anecdotes that relate to relationships or intimacy to foster a sense of connection and shared humor.
  3. Playful flirting: Use witty and playful remarks to show interest and create a flirtatious dynamic, keeping the conversation lighthearted and enjoyable.
  4. Satirical observations: Make humorous observations about common dating or relationship clichés, using satire to engage in a light-hearted conversation about intimacy.
  5. Comedy references: Incorporate funny references from movies, TV shows, or stand-up comedy that touch on topics related to love, relationships, or intimacy, allowing for shared laughter and an opportunity to discuss such matters in a light-hearted manner.
See also  Women Are Flocking To New Hookup Apps In The Wake of Ashley Madison

This approach allows you to discuss sex indirectly, making it safe for your partner to imagine what a sexual experience with you might be like.

We've done the homework

See our picks for the best sites of 2023

😈 Best Hookup Sites
🎥 Best Adult Webcams
⛓️ Best BDSM Dating Sites
🧍‍♀️🧍🧍‍♀️ Best Threesome Sites
🤐 Best For Discreet Affairs


3. Asking Sex-Adjacent Questions

Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. There’s always a before, during, and after. When attempting to introduce the topic of sex into the conversation, start by asking sex-adjacent questions. For example:

  • “Do you have any tattoos or piercings?”
  • “How old were you when you had your first drink?”
  • “What is the most trouble you ever got into in high school?”
  • “What’s the craziest place you’ve ever traveled?”
  • “Have you ever traveled solo?”
  • “Have you ever gone skinny dipping?”

These kind of sexual conversation starters provide an opportunity for them to share an exciting experience and possibly delve into more intimate aspects of their travels.

4. Gradually Introducing Sex Topics

Gradually increasing the level of intimacy in the conversation is an art form. To keep the conversation engaging and build sexual tension, it’s important to introduce gradually sexier topics over time.

Obviously, it’s crucial to gauge your partner’s buy-in and ensure they’re comfortable with the direction of the conversation. You can achieve this by asking strategic questions and observing their response.

If they deflect or seem hesitant, you can share a flirty and sexy story to give them permission to reciprocate. Gradually escalate the sexual tension as both of you become more comfortable.

You could, for instance, share a story about another date that eventually led to a “fun filled night”. This story allows your conversation partner to envision a romantic and intimate encounter without explicitly mentioning sex.

5. Strategic Questions and Stories

Strategic questions and stories are excellent tools for creating a safe space for intimate conversations. By asking a flirty or sexy question and then following up with a personal story, you invite your partner to reciprocate and share their thoughts and experiences.

For instance, suppose you ask your date about their most adventurous sexual experience. If they deflect or say they can’t think of anything, share a story about a time when you did something crazy like have sex in a public space.

This exchange encourages mutual vulnerability and openness.

6. No Apologies for Explicit Language

When sharing sexual stories, avoid apologizing for using explicit language or mentioning body parts directly. Apologizing may signal discomfort with your own sexuality, making your partner hesitant to open up.

Embrace the use of actual names for body parts, as it indicates confidence and creates a safe space for your partner to communicate openly.

Studies have actually shown that those who use “taboo vocabulary” are typically higher in intelligence.

If you share a story about another sexual encounter, use the actual names of body parts and describe the experience with confidence.

See also  VR Porn - A Bang or a Bust

This display of comfort with sexual language encourages your partner to reciprocate and could definitely turn her on!

7. Tap Into Her Animalistic Side

This is one of my favorite sexual conversation starters.

To get your partner to embrace their sensual side, ask questions that tap into their animalistic instincts. Ask questions that appeal to her senses and emotions, rather than just asking “run of the mill” questions (where did you grow up, etc). Some examples include:

  • Food: “Seriously, is there any meal you have that’s been better than sex?”
  • Music: “Is there a song that instantly puts you in the mood?”
  • Sports or Dancing: “What sport or type of dancing do you think is the most erotic?”

By focusing on sensory experiences, you encourage your partner to be present in their body rather than overthinking.

Tip: Ask your partner if they enjoy taking baths as a way to relax and unwind. This question directs their attention to their body and can lead to discussions about physical sensations and self-care.

8. Passion, Hobbies, and Interests

Engage your partner in conversations about what they really enjoy doing. These topics ignite their emotions and activate their sensual side.

When someone discusses what they love, they tend to become more animated and connected to their desires.

Tip: Ask your date about their favorite form of exercise or physical activity. Exercise in general is closely linked to our more sensual side.

9. Sexual Preferences

Discussions about communication in the context of sex are important for establishing trust and understanding.

Ask about your partner’s comfort level when it comes to expressing their wants and needs to a partner. This conversation paves the way for open dialogue regarding boundaries and desires.

10. Exploring Fantasies and Desires

To further increase sexual tension, introduce the topic of unfulfilled desires and fantasies.

By posing open-ended questions about what they have thought about trying but never have, you encourage them to express their curiosity and share their sexual wish list.

These types of questions open up a world of possibilities and can really help get your foot in the door.

11. Sharing Intimate Experiences

Sharing sexual or intimate experiences can be a great way to strengthen the emotional bond with your partner.

By sharing your sexual experiences and preferences, and in doing so reveal your vulnerabilities, you invite your partner to reciprocate and create a safe space for them to open up.

Remember to listen actively, show empathy, and validate their experiences for a deeper connection.

12. Learn From the Conversation

Just remember, having conversations about sex is an ongoing and evolving process. It’s an opportunity for you and your date to learn and grow more comfortable with each other.

Don’t make it a one sided conversation, and obviously don’t make it all about sex (unless she’s really into it)!

Final Thoughts

In the game of lust, seduction and sex, conversation is the ultimate weapon. By mastering the art of conversation and incorporating these sexual conversation starters into your encounter, you can unlock a whole new world and hopefully many pairs of legs ;).

Just remember, it’s not just about checking off a list of topics and expecting sex to just come. It’s about staying present and genuinely interested in your partner. You must create a safe space where they feel comfortable to share their darkest desires.

It’s about listening actively and responding with vulnerability.

So embrace the edginess, use humor as a tool for transition, and dive into the sensual side of life. Talk about passions, explore desires, and share intimate experiences. But always communicate with respect, integrity, and consent.

Ruth Thomas

Ruth Thomas

Hi! My name is Ruth! I am a sex therapist and a happily married swinger (for 20 years now).

I have a PhD in human sexuality and a masters in counseling. I've been helping people improve their sex lives for over 25 years.

I am a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM).

I'm here to help people explore their sexuality and find what works for them. Whether it's with one partner or many, in a committed relationship or not, I believe that everyone deserves to experience the joys of a fulfilling sexual life.

Mixxxer