5 Key Reasons You’re Still Not Happy with Your Love Life

Although there are no real rules to follow when it comes to how you should manage your love life, sometimes a little guidance doesn’t hurt.

This is especially the case when you’re unhappy and have no real idea what you’re doing wrong – especially if you’ve been working at it for a while without getting the results you’re after.

Ultimately, you can’t do anything about other people or the way they’re going to choose to behave. You can do something about your own choices and approach to dating, though.

Here are some possible factors to address that might be standing in between you and the love life you want.

1. You’re not aiming high enough

Many guys these days complain non-stop about not attracting the kind of women they’re interested in.

What they should be doing is asking themselves what they can do to become the type of man those women like. Simply being a nice guy who will treat a woman well isn’t enough.

High-quality women with plenty of options tend to want to be with men who are on their level (if not above it).

So, if you want to date beautiful women with toned bodies, start hitting the gym and treat yourself to a style upgrade. Interested in intelligent, worldly women? Start reading and get into activities that make you smarter. In other words, it’s time to raise the bar.

2. You don’t have a life of your own

Many a lonely guy thinks the big solution to his problems is to find the right woman. They figure she can be the one to pull his life together for him, figure out what he needs in order to be happy, and cheerfully serve it up on a silver platter.

Trust us when we say no woman wants that job.

Attracting the types of women you want to be dating means figuring life (and happiness) out for yourself first. You need a mission, whether that means doubling down on your career aspirations or cultivating more meaningful ways to spend your free time.

No one – male or female – wants to date someone who doesn’t have a life and expects their partner to be everything they need.

3. You’re scared to go after the love life you want

Forget what your mother, your friends, or the rest of society is telling you. You don’t have to manage your love life any one way in 2022.

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It can be any way you want it to be, whether that means dating someone exclusively, keeping things utterly casual, embracing non-monogamy, or something else entirely.

So, figure out what works for you, do that, and forget about what everyone else thinks you should be doing. Ultimately, you’re the only one who knows what’s going to work for you when it comes to dating, sex, and all the rest of it.

4. You’re afraid to end it when it’s not working

No one should ever be afraid to end a romantic or sexual connection that isn’t working. But society, of course, demands that people keep feeding a fed horse long after they already know it’s all over. Then before you know it, you’ve wasted years of your life committed (or even married) to someone you likely shouldn’t have been with in the first place.

So don’t be afraid to end situations you don’t want to be in anymore – even if it means ending things quickly.

If your gut tells you that’s not the right situation for you, listen. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with being single or tackling life completely solo for a while.

5. You still buy into the lies

When people aren’t happy with their love lives, they almost certainly still believe in all the fairytales people tell themselves about love, dating, and sex. They think there’s such a thing as unconditional romantic love or soulmates.

They certainly think the right person will be 100 percent thrilled with them at all times without their actually having to do anything to maintain the relationship.

The best thing anyone can do if they want to be happier with their love life is to face some facts about people and the way relationships work.

The truth is nobody’s perfect.

No relationship takes care of itself, even the casual, easy ones. And unconditional love in romantic relationships doesn’t exist. Even powerful connections can be ruined if the people involved don’t take care of them.

Ultimately, happiness with your love life and sex life starts with figuring out what you actually want and reaching a place within yourself where you’re unafraid to go after it.

It’s also about becoming someone with something of substance to offer the other person, whether that’s a great long-term relationship or one fabulous night of earth-shattering sex. Become that person, and most of the rest takes care of itself.

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Ruth Thomas

Ruth Thomas

Hi! My name is Ruth! I am a sex therapist and a happily married swinger (for 20 years now).

I have a PhD in human sexuality and a masters in counseling. I've been helping people improve their sex lives for over 25 years.

I am a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM).

I'm here to help people explore their sexuality and find what works for them. Whether it's with one partner or many, in a committed relationship or not, I believe that everyone deserves to experience the joys of a fulfilling sexual life.