There has been so much discussion lately about ‘marriage equality’ and the proper ‘definition of marriage’ but most of the dialogue deals with the broader themes of LGBT equality rather than a real exploration of what marriage really is or should be in the modern world. The entire construct of marriage may be due for a major overhaul, and millions of Americans are already redefining the way their vows are expressed in their own lives. Polyamory (the concept of an open relationship that allows the couple to be intimate with others) is gaining popularity quickly, but many men and women are still having a hard time finding the right path toward opening up their own relationships. Here are some ideas worth considering:
The Awkward Conversation Is Actually Pretty Easy
Too often, even in a great relationship, people shy away from saying what they really believe in order to spare the emotions of their spouse. In fact that approach may serve to put off an awkward conversation, but it doesn’t make your feelings any less valid and it definitely won’t make your own desires go away. It’s perfectly healthy for you to be in love with someone, to cherish their affection and to also want to engage in physical intimacy with other people as well. For many it’s about more than just looking for sex tonight or the exhilaration from finding hookup sites like craigslist or Mixxxer. It’s more about having a deeper, adventurous and open-minded approach to experiencing life on a grand scale.
If you are in a newer relationship you may have concerns about whether or not your partner will think less of you or be scared away by a discussion of polyamory. If you have been together in a relationship for a long time, it’s normal to be hesitant to bring up the idea of an open relationship because you don’t want to upset the status quo or risk alienating someone you truly love. However, as any marriage expert or advice councilor would tell you, a relationship has to be built on honesty and trust if it is to have any chance of achieving its full potential. Being honest isn’t always easy, and yes it can be awkward at times, but it’s also the only way to breakthrough and become part of the vibrant, loving and exciting relationship you desire.
What If They Say No?
People want different things in life, and compatibility is a matter of finding someone who wants enough of the same things to work out compromises that solve any differences. Having someone say ‘no’ is usually a great starting point. Sure, it would be better if they gave you an immediate yes… but at least there is a path forward from a ‘no’ that doesn’t exist if you had never had the courage to ask about polyamory in the first place. For most open relationships there are an agreed upon series of ‘rules’ that the couple puts in place to make sure everyone is behaving in ways that enhance your lives. Some couples require that each participant only play with others when they are all involved. In other instances there may be certain activities that are taboo outside the relationship, some men and women seek to set standards for safe sex ahead of time or privacy measures to make sure your extramarital affairs remain discreet. These are all good, healthy and useful ways to allow your polyamorous sex life to grow and enhance your love for each other.
What If Someone Else Finds Out?
Many couples delay their own gratification, even when they both agree they want to amp up their sex lives by including more people, because they fear what would happen if anyone else found out. Long ago, when people were limited to local swingers clubs and hookups with other people in their own social circles, keepings things discreet was a much more pervasive problem. Today, with Mixxxer it’s easier than ever to connect with a third party or other couple a few towns over and to engage in whatever kinds of mutually agreed sex tonight without anyone else knowing what you have been up to or who else was involved in your activities.
Browse desirable profiles, chat with potential mates and be up front about the fact that you are part of a sexy couple interested in expanding your shared sexual horizons together. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to see just how many gorgeous girls; great guys and cute couples are seeking the exact same sort of arrangements. We live in a poly society that now does a great job keeping itself clandestine so that those who prefer to be monogamous are completely unaware of what their neighbors are up to every evening.
What If It Doesn’t Work Out?
Sure, there’s always a chance you’ll meet someone who you or your partners can’t connect with on a romantic level. Chemistry among couples and their polyamorous partners is no different than it is with single women looking for sex online. Some dates go great and others end up a polite but off target attempt. That’s why being part of a large dating community is so important. It’s as easy as heading home, getting online and setting up your next hookup for tomorrow night. One major advantage of adult dating sites like Mixxxer over POF Personals or Hookup Sites like Craigslist is that on an adult site you are already focusing in on the people who are seeking the same sort of no strings attached arrangements you and your spouse want to establish. When one attempt doesn’t work out, you are only a few clicks away from lining up the next potential match – and the odds are you’ll have much more success when the numbers are aligned in your favor.
How Do I Convince My Partner To Become Polyamorous?
The simple answer is that you don’t. Yes there are people who waste a lot of time and energy trying to ‘loosen up’ a monogamous relationship, but in almost every case you’d be better off finding someone else to be with whose own views of sex are more compatible with your own. As you can see from even a few minutes of browsing dating sites online, there are thousands of women and men looking to be part of a polyamorous relationship – so instead of trying to manufacture one with someone who doesn’t get it, you could be putting that same energy into a relationship with someone who shares your open minded attitude toward sex right from the start!