Fraysexual – What is it? What does it mean?

Are you someone who finds themselves attracted to strangers or new acquaintances? Do you lose sexual interest in your partner after developing an emotional bond with them? If so, you may be fraysexual.

Fraysexual is a sexual orientation characterized by strong sexual attraction to strangers or new acquaintances, followed by a loss of sexual interest after developing an emotional bond with a partner. Fraysexual people may still experience romantic interest in their partners, even after the loss of sexual attraction.

Or in simpler terms, fraysexual is the opposite of demisexual, which is characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to anyone until a strong emotional bond has been formed.

What Does it Mean to be Fraysexual?

Being fraysexual means that you are mostly attracted to strangers or new acquaintances. Once you develop a strong emotional bond with someone, you may lose sexual interest in them, even if you still have romantic feelings for them.

This can make dating and relationships difficult, as you may find yourself attracted to someone at first, but not after getting to know them better.

Don’t confuse sexual attraction with love.

Love and sexual attraction are two separate things. Love is an emotion or feeling that is typically associated with a strong emotional bond, while sexual attraction is a physical or emotional response to someone that typically leads to sexual desire or arousal.

It is possible to feel love for someone without being sexually attracted to them, or to be sexually attracted to someone without feeling love for them.

Not to be Confused with Fear of Commitment

Fraysexuality and fear of commitment are two different things.

Fraysexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by strong sexual attraction to strangers or new acquaintances, followed by a loss of sexual interest after developing an emotional bond with a partner.

Fear of commitment, on the other hand, is a general unwillingness or inability to commit to anything, whether it be a relationship, job, or lifestyle change.

People who have a fear of commitment may avoid long-term relationships or may end relationships prematurely.

Fear of commitment can be caused by a variety of things, such as past experiences, anxiety, or low self-esteem and can be treated with the help from a mental health professional.

While someone who is fraysexual may be afraid of commitment, not all people who are afraid of commitment are fraysexual.

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Fraysexual vs. Asexual

Although being fraysexual is often categorized as a sexual orientation, it is important to note that it does not indicate to which genders the individual experiences sexual attraction to.

This means fraysexual people can be non-binary, homosexual, queer, heterosexual, pansexual, etc. and may experience sexual attraction to any number of genders, but they prefer new acquaintances over old lovers.

Fraysexuality is often placed under the grey asexuality category, which is an umbrella term for circumstances or labels that fall between the sexuality and asexuality spectrums.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a complete lack of sexual attraction. Asexual people may still experience romantic interest, but they do not feel sexually attracted to anyone.

As you can see the two sexualities can blend a bit and someone who is fraysexual, might think they’re asexual when the initial sexual attraction wears off.

What about Polyamory?

Fraysexuality and polyamory are two different things. Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic and/or sexual partners, with the consent of all parties involved.

Polyamorous relationships can take many different forms, but they all involve open communication and honesty between all partners.

If you are considering entering into a polyamorous relationship, it is important to make sure that everyone involved is on the same page and agrees to the same rules and boundaries.

Is it Common?

There is no way to know for sure how common fraysexuality is as there is no large-scale research on fraysexuality. However, based on the limited research that has been done, it is estimated that 1-5% of people identify as fraysexual.

This means that it is likely more common than we realize, but because it is not well-known or understood, many people who are fraysexual may not even realize it themselves.

How to Know if You’re Fraysexual.

If you find yourself attracted to strangers or new acquaintances, but lose interest in your partner after developing an emotional bond with them, you may be fraysexual. Here are some more important factors to consider.

  1. You crave romantic stability but find that you lose sexual interest over time
  2. You feel a great deal of sexual attraction in the early stages of a relationship, but notice a gradual decrease as you get to know the person better
  3. You fail to renew the spark, no matter how emotionally invested you are
  4. You find yourself more sexually drawn to strangers rather than to people you already know
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However, it is important to remember that sexual orientation exists on a spectrum, so you may not fit perfectly into any one category.

Long-Term Relationships and Fraysexuality

Although fraysexuality can make long-term relationships difficult, it is possible to be in a long-term relationship if you’re fraysexual. The key is to communicate openly with your partner about your needs and desires.

Some fraysexual people date other fraysexual people in order to maintain a romantic connection as their sexual attraction fades. For these folks, making some compromises on their sex life is worth it because they value their fraysexual partner greatly in other aspects of their relationship.

Consensual non-monogamy can be a fulfilling way for fraysexual people to explore their sexual attraction to strangers and new acquaintances, while maintaining the stability and emotional connection afforded by longer-term partnerships.

No matter how you choose to navigate a long-term relationship as a fraysexual, just remember that communication is always the key to any healthy relationship. Be honest and realistic about your needs and desires and be respectful of your partners’ needs as well.

At the End of the Day

Now that you know a little more about fraysexuality, go out and explore! Talk to people who identify as fraysexual, read articles and blog posts on the topic, or even just experiment with your own sexual encounters.

The most important thing is to be honest with yourself–and others–about what you want out of sexual interactions. With an open mind and heart, anyone can discover the wonderful world of fraysexuality.

Ruth Thomas

Ruth Thomas

Hi! My name is Ruth! I am a sex therapist and a happily married swinger (for 20 years now).

I have a PhD in human sexuality and a masters in counseling. I've been helping people improve their sex lives for over 25 years.

I am a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM).

I'm here to help people explore their sexuality and find what works for them. Whether it's with one partner or many, in a committed relationship or not, I believe that everyone deserves to experience the joys of a fulfilling sexual life.