Apps make dating a lot more convenient, but they don’t necessarily make it any easier. Regardless of where and how you meet new people to date or hook up with, you still need to establish a connection and reach the point where that other person is willing to take the next step.
Apps leave plenty of room to mess up, although many people never figure out where exactly they’re going wrong. If you’re in the same boat, take a gander at the following commonly made missteps and see if they look familiar. The sooner you adjust your approach, the sooner you can start getting what you really want out of app-based dating.
1. You’re not filling in your bio.
Some people think not bothering to fill in the bio section on their dating profile makes them seem mysterious and alluring. They figure they’ll generate more interest by making people guess what they’re about instead of just telling them outright. Then they wonder why no one’s showing any interest.
A blank profile makes its owner look boring, not “too cool to care.” It makes people wonder why you’re bothering at all, and they’ll pass regardless of how good you look in your pictures. You don’t have to write out your life story or try to be witty. A few words about who you are and what you’re looking for will suffice. Just make sure it’s something.
2. Your picture choices are horrible.
Naturally, you already know photos are essential when it comes to app-based dating. That’s probably why you keep picking the same ones over and over, year after year. You like the way you look in them and feel they paint you in the best possible light.
Just make sure they also paint you in an accurate light. Otherwise, you risk your date not recognizing you when you meet or feeling like you weren’t honest enough about your looks. Ask yourself the following questions about the photos on your favorite app and adjust accordingly.
- Are most of your photos reasonably recent?
- Are they dated with the month and year to provide context?
- Are there enough of them?
- Can you clearly tell what you look like?
Avoid posting photos taken longer ago than a few months. The same goes for shots where you’re wearing sunglasses, hats, or anything else that makes it hard to know how you look. Be sure to post enough photos, as well – at least 5-7.
3. You’re sending generic messages.
If someone’s red hot, you can bet they get plenty of messages to sort through every day – way too many to respond to every single one. If you’re opening with “hey” and nothing else, trust that your message isn’t going to earn a second look. Open with something original that shows you read the person’s profile and gave some thought to how you’d approach them.
Once you’re talking to someone interesting, make sure you keep things engaging. Don’t fall back on the same old messages and questions you always use. Don’t stop at only commenting on the person’s photos. The idea is to connect with someone you’ll have fun with offline, and that’s not going to happen if you play things too safe.
4. You’re too negative.
We get it. Sometimes when you connect with someone you’re comfortable with, you feel like you can tell them anything, and that’s fine. Just make sure you’re not erring on the side of TMI – or worse – too much negativity and complaining.
Your would-be date doesn’t want to listen to you whine about your boss or how “all” of your exes are crazy. They don’t want to hear how rough a time you’ve been having with this whole app-based dating thing, either. Keep things light, fun, and lively by focusing on something you love or that makes your life worth living.
5. You’re using the wrong app in the first place.
These days, your options are wide open regarding the different apps you use to meet people. You’re not limited to the same ones you hear about constantly or the ones all your friends use. Some apps are better fits for people from specific backgrounds. Others are specially designed to cater to people looking for particular types of relationships. If you’ve been striking out or having nothing but unsatisfactory experiences despite your best efforts, a change in platforms may be in order.
For instance, if you’re more interested in casual relationships or hookups right now, your best bet isn’t Tinder. Try Mixxxer instead. Not only is it a platform specifically for casual sex and similar connections, but it uses GPS to find your matches. That means you can use it anywhere you happen to be, including when you’re out of town or otherwise away from home. Try it and see!