These days, finding people to date via dating apps isn’t just a cool alternative to meeting folks the old-fashioned way. It’s something almost everyone is doing, whether they’re just looking to hook up or open to something a lot more serious. There’s always that one guy for whom apps don’t seem to work out, though.
If that guy just so happens to be you, don’t give up the ghost just yet. There are likely fixable reasons you’re not getting what you want out of the app-based dating experience. Here are a few of the possibilities. Do any of the following statements sound familiar?
1. You’re not patient enough with the process.
Often, when people make the jump from meeting dates via more traditional venues like work or the local bar to using dating apps, they expect the process of finding someone to speed way up. What dating apps do is make the process of meeting people more accessible and more convenient. You can explore possibilities from anywhere, as well as enjoy access to people you might not otherwise meet.
The amount of time and effort it takes to make a connection with someone specific is about the same, though. You also still need to put some effort into how you present yourself and how you interact with the other person.
2. Your expectations are way out of whack.
When you’re trying a new approach to something, it’s normal not to have any idea what to expect. Of course, this hardly means you don’t have any expectations. The chances are pretty good they’re either too low or way too high, though. So, which one are you?
People who go into their app-based dates expecting too much don’t realize that an easy connection online doesn’t always equate to real-life chemistry. Once they do get that, they swing the other way and start expecting to be disappointed without even giving the other person a chance. Naturally, the right approach is to find a middle ground between the two extremes.
Be open-minded about your dates, but don’t hang too much on any one possibility. Just relax, let things unfold naturally, and enjoy your encounters for whatever they are. If one connection doesn’t cut it, eventually, another one will.
3. You have a bad habit of overthinking things.
If you’re an overthinker, then chances are you already know it. People who overthink do it over everything in pretty much every aspect of their lives. Anything to do with dating, figuring out how other people think, or both is fertile ground for an overthinker’s wild imagination.
Do you read a lot into absolutely everything about your interactions with others on your favorite dating app? Do you struggle with horrible anxiety when it comes to taking pleasant connections off of the app and into real life? Do you come up with countless theories way out of left field as to why app dating isn’t working for you? If so, it’s time to let go of all that and just let the experience be what it will.
4. You’re not approaching your experience honestly.
Regardless of what you’re looking for from the app-based dating experience, you’re not going to get it if you don’t come at it from an honest place. It’s not just about being honest with the people you’re looking to date, either. More people have trouble being honest with themselves than you might otherwise think.
There aren’t any wrong answers regarding the dating game, so let go of the urge to tell people what you think they want to hear. Whatever your ideal dating experience looks like, you can rest easy in the knowledge that there are other people out there who want the same thing. Finetune your profile to reflect the truth of what you want, be honest in your interactions, and watch things improve.
5. You’re looking on the wrong platform.
A platform being the same super-popular one all your friends use doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right for you. Contrary to popular belief, dating apps and interfaces aren’t all alike, so you want to make sure you’re using one that’s a match for your needs. If you’re looking to settle down as soon as possible, use an app full of people who feel the same way.
The same thing goes for anyone who’s solely interested in casual sex or a little naughty fun from time to time. You certainly can use Tinder for something like that, but keep in mind that it’s not the real purpose of the platform. A mobile sex finder like Mixxxer will be a much better fit for what you want, and that will be obvious from your very first browsing session.
Figure out where you belong in the world of app-based dating and set up shop there. You’ll love the difference it makes in your experience.