Although it might seem as if rules are entirely incompatible with the idea of a casual sex lifestyle, this is far from the case. There’s a formula to getting things just right, and there’s a certain behavioral code you should follow if you’re serious about making your encounters great. It’s only that nobody acknowledges it.
The following are some of the most important unspoken rules to keep in mind when exploring the wide, wonderful world of hook-ups and casual sex of all kinds. Which ones do you need to add to your repertoire?
Always be prepared.
One of the best things about a casual approach to sex is that something sexy and wonderful can happen at any time. The most amazing hook-ups often come from taking advantage of opportunities you could never have predicted or orchestrated yourself. Being spontaneous at heart doesn’t mean being unprepared, though.
Assume your next hot hook-up is always right around the corner, and act accordingly. Always keep a stash of condoms on hand – at home base, in your glove compartment, and anywhere else that makes sense. Be prepared for unexpected overnight guests with extra pillows, towels, toothbrushes, and so forth. You get the picture.
Don’t add too much spice at once.
Many people who are new to casual sex don’t understand where the line is when it comes to being adventurous. They assume that everyone else on the scene is hanging from the chandeliers every night, and they try to pretend that they are as well to seem cool enough to be part of the club. That’s a fairly good way to wind up embarrassed.
A one-night stand or other casual encounter isn’t the time to dive into the deep end of the pool unprepared. It’s one thing to suggest experimenting with BDSM if it’s already something you’re comfortable with. Otherwise, leave it off the table. Stick to adding new twists to acts you’re already familiar with. Being into casual sex isn’t a contest to see who’s the kinkiest.
Don’t expect people to spell things out.
In a perfect world, everyone would be 100 percent direct and upfront about what they are and aren’t looking for from a casual sex connection. In reality, people rarely actually do this. They tend to take things moment to moment, meaning they probably won’t sit you down and break things off formally when they’re tired of hooking up. They’ll expect you to simply get the message.
Read the room and listen to your instincts when it comes to people you hook up with. If you get the impression they don’t want you to stay over, don’t force them to say so expressly. If someone stops responding to your spicy late-night texts, don’t demand a long, drawn-out explanation. Just focus on the other connections you’ve been making, and move on. Remember, this is supposed to be fun.
Forget about compatibility.
If you’re used to monogamous relationships and traditional dating setups, you’re socialized to ignore your natural instincts and focus instead on whether someone would make a good permanent companion. You’re used to ignoring outer beauty and raw physical attraction in favor of inner beauty and practical compatibility.
While it’s great to connect with a hook-up partner on a deeper level, that’s not the point of keeping things casual. Going the casual route permits you to sleep with people for no other reason than the fact that you want to. Who cares if they’re too young, too old, too carefree, or too kooky to make a good relationship partner? That’s not what you’re looking for, so go ahead and enjoy yourself guilt-free.
Don’t hang around too long or too much.
The key to keeping your casual sex lifestyle casual is not spending too much time with anyone, no matter how fun or sexy they are. The more time you spend around someone, the more intimate you’ll ultimately become – full stop. It doesn’t matter if that’s not what you’re looking for or that you didn’t plan it. It will happen anyway unless you take steps to avoid it.
Have all the sex you want, but avoid overly intimate activities like cuddling on the couch throughout a movie marathon or staying for breakfast every time you come over for a late-night booty call. Keep seeing other people and encourage the people you see to do the same. Intimacy and casualness can’t coexist together, so decide early on which one you’re more interested in to avoid a lot of drama later.
The whole point of making the switch to a casual approach is to do things differently and to enjoy all the freedoms you give up when you choose monogamy instead. Make sure you’re exploring the possibilities to the fullest!