4 Rookie Mistakes Guys Make with Attractive Women

If you’re the type of guy who’s always striking out with the beautiful women you really want to be dating, it can be tempting to jump to all sorts of conclusions. Maybe women really are just too picky or just plain incapable of recognizing a great guy when they see one. Or maybe you were just born under a lucky star, and it’s your fate to strike out for the rest of your life.

The good news is that neither of those things is actually true. But the bad news is that it’s still your fault you’re striking out, so you need to up your game if you ever want that to change. Start by eliminating the following rookie mistakes most guys make from your own approach.

1.      They try to rush things

Most guys who are used to striking out (or afraid they might strike out with a particular woman) act like they’re running a race against the clock when it comes to facilitating a bond. It’s like they think if they give a woman too much time to think about what she’s doing, she’ll come to her senses and walk away.

However, while you don’t want to drag your feet with a woman you really like, you don’t want to rush things, either. So, unless you’re picking up on clear vibes that she wants you to move faster, avoid the rookie mistake of trying to rush her into the bedroom, into a commitment, or whatever else you might be looking for. She’ll smell a rat, even if there isn’t one.

2.      They try to make her like him as a person

Whether they’re looking for a committed relationship, a one-night hookup, or something else entirely with a woman, rookies are positive the way to get what they want is to sell her on how great he is as a person. He figures if he makes her comfortable, shows her he’s a great conversationalist, and focuses on getting to know her, it will all pay off eventually.

In reality, this rookie mistake is a pretty clear path straight into the friend zone. Even women who are looking for something serious respond best to men they’re sexually attracted to. Those are the men they want to be around, go to bed with, and build relationships with. That said, focus on sparking sexual interest, as opposed to trying to show what a great guy you are.

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3.      They assume all women openly show their interest

So many men get women entirely wrong when it comes to how they think they communicate feelings like sexual attraction or romantic interest. They assume they’re going to be open books, and that if a particular woman is interested in him, she’ll enthusiastically show it. But although there are exceptions to every rule, that’s rarely how it works.

Most women prefer to play their cards close to the vest for reasons of their own. Some don’t want to seem easy or loose. Others really just want to see if the guy is willing to work a little for what he wants, so they won’t openly show him a whole lot of interest at first. So, how’s a confused guy supposed to know what’s really going on?

You can tell the difference between an interested woman who’s playing it cool and one who legitimately wants nothing to do with you by asking yourself one simple question. “Is she still talking to me?” A woman who’s not interested leaves the situation (or seems like she desperately wants to). One who’s interested will stay and talk. She’ll give you her number. She’ll take your calls and respond to your texts.

4.      He lays it on way too thick

Last but definitely not least, there’s the guy who manages to play it cool enough to successfully approach a woman and convince her to give him her time. He gets her talking and even manages to get her interested in him. But then he makes the rookie mistake of coming on way too strong from there on out.

In other words, he becomes completely overwhelmed by how attracted he is to her and starts falling all over her to make sure she knows how into her he is. Not only is this a really bad look on a guy, even if the woman he’s talking to is interested, but he’s missing something really important.

No, women don’t like feeling manipulated or dealing with men who play games. But they do enjoy the dance two people do when they first meet and form an attraction just as much as men do. Coming on too strong too soon deprives your target of engaging in this dance with you, so show her you like her. Just don’t overwhelm her with it.

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At the end of the day, landing the women you’re most attracted to isn’t rocket science. But you do need to know how to convince them you’re worth their time regardless of the number of other choices they may have.


Ruth Thomas

Ruth Thomas

Hi! My name is Ruth! I am a sex therapist and a happily married swinger (for 20 years now).

I have a PhD in human sexuality and a masters in counseling. I've been helping people improve their sex lives for over 25 years.

I am a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM).

I'm here to help people explore their sexuality and find what works for them. Whether it's with one partner or many, in a committed relationship or not, I believe that everyone deserves to experience the joys of a fulfilling sexual life.