If you’re currently at a place with your dating life that finds you preferring casual sex to commitment by a landslide, you’re in excellent company.
According to one recent survey conducted by Adam and Eve, a whopping 41% of all Americans are currently choosing hook-ups and casual sex over more traditional options and it’s not hard to see why.
Casual sex lets you enjoy the companionship, the connection, and – of course – the sex you’d get in a relationship, but without the need for strings, commitment, or promises you may not be prepared to keep. However, things can always be better, right?
If you’re like a lot of people, you’d also love to know how to make your casual sex life even better and maybe even hook up more often. The following tips can help you get things moving in the right direction.
1. Be nice to the people you hook up with.
Sure, there’s always the chance that you’ll hit it off so well with someone you hook up with that you’ll want to start getting down and dirty on the regular, but usually it’s just a one-time thing. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because you probably won’t see someone again that it doesn’t matter how you treat them though.
Getting laid is definitely the main point of living a casual sex lifestyle, but a connection that’s positive and friendly in general can actually make the sex better, even if it’s fleeting. Be decent to the people you hook up with.
Have some manners. Be polite. Know how to be a good host and a good guest.
You’ll both wind up walking away from the encounter with a positive impression. You’ll be less likely to wind up with a bad reputation if you tend to frequent the same spots when cruising for hook-ups as well.
2. Don’t waste too much energy worrying about inner beauty.
Most of us have been trained to think that it’s what’s inside that counts since we were little kids. It can be hard not to vet a potential hook-up partner’s inner beauty for that reason, but keep in mind that the potential for long-term compatibility isn’t important when you’re only interested in casual sex. You’re not looking for “forever”, so just worry about “tonight”.
Instead of inner beauty, evaluate potential partners based on chemical connection, as that’s the secret ingredient that makes for truly excellent casual sex. It’s totally OK to take someone to bed just because you like their crooked smile or dig their accent. Who cares if they’re technically too young for you or not well-read enough for it work out in the long run.
3. Always be honest with the people you hook up with.
Having casual sex is about living in the moment, freeing yourself from unwanted shackles, and sleeping with as many people as you want without guilt. If you’re handling things properly, it doesn’t (and shouldn’t) be about lying or dishonesty. Remember what we said about being nice to your hook-up partners because there’s really no reason not to be?
Well, that goes for being honest as well. Here in the 21st century, you’re in excellent company if you’re all about the free and easy casual sex lifestyle. You don’t have to misrepresent yourself or pretend you want something you’re not into just to get a particular person into bed (and you’ll probably have more fun if you don’t).
It’s totally acceptable to just say you’re only interested in hooking up. A lot of potential hook-up partners might even be relieved or turned on when they hear that. Make sure you’re also being honest if you’re just not that interested in hooking up again in the future. Don’t ask someone for their number if you have no actual plans to use it or give someone a fake number if they ask for yours.
4. Understand that being honest doesn’t necessarily mean being yourself though.
When you’re getting ready to hook up with someone you’re unlikely to ever see again, this person has no real idea what you’re normally like in bed. They don’t know your routine and they most likely have zero preconceived expectations when it comes to how you are sexually. No, you shouldn’t make up a pack of lies about who you are or what you’re all about.
However, it’s totally OK to sexually reinvent yourself for the night if you’re so inclined.
In the mood to try being extra kinky or dirty? Go for it. Feel like coming at things from a completely different angle than you normally would. Why not? Chances are you’re not choosing the casual life because you’re all about missionary vanilla sex anyway, so why not live a little.
5. Make safety a top priority.
The whole point of opting for casual sex instead of a full-on commitment is freedom. However, that’s no reason to be irresponsible or play games with your health. Anyone that’s all about hooking up should get used to keeping plenty of condoms on hand “just in case”.
They should also be getting tested for STDs on the regular. You want to stay responsible not only about your own health, but about the health of any potential partners as well. It’s also a good idea to get comfortable asking questions of the people you hook up with.
Condoms can protect you from a lot of nasty things, but not necessarily everything. There’s no shame in asking someone when they last got tested or whether they use protection as a rule. Being comfortable with such things is part of what comes with the lifestyle.
6. Leave romance out of the equation.
If you’re new to casual sex, it’s understandable if you’re not totally sure how to approach foreplay. However, keeping romance completely out of the equation is almost always a good choice.
Activities like sharing a bubble bath, slow-dancing to love songs, or lighting an entire roomful of candles are out of place when it comes to casual encounters and are much better suited to actual love connections. The same thing goes for any sort of seriously heavy conversation.
Remember, you’re supposed to be hooking up and having fun. This is supposed to be all about feeling good and getting laid. Bringing up really deep personal issues for discussion is only going to put a damper on the evening, not to mention make your date feel weirded out. Keep any conversation light, humorous, and fun instead.
7. Act your age, not your shoe size.
Hopefully your hook-up experience will be everything you want it to be after all is said and done, but it’s important to act like an adult about it either way. Yes, casual sex is supposed to be fun. It isn’t something that comes with a satisfaction guarantee though and you’re not owed anything in particular any more than your hook-up partner is.
That said, handle things like a grown-up in the event things don’t go exactly the way you’d hoped. Don’t sulk or act out if you don’t get every single thing you wanted from the experience.
Don’t put up with anyone else that acts that way either. The fact that you were open, honest, and up front about your intentions isn’t necessarily a guarantee that everyone else will be. Just handle things as rationally as possible and trust that the next experience will be better.
8. Get better at spotting a good hook-up candidate when you see one.
Learning how to identify a good hook-up partner is a skill that’s as learnable as any other. So is learning how to identify a bad one. Avoid people that come across as narcissistic, manipulative, selfish, or coercive. As touched on above, preferring casual sex to commitment isn’t an excuse to be a jerk or treat people like crap.
Look for fun-loving, open people that seem to not only respect others, but respect themselves as well. If someone isn’t respectful before you hit the sheets, they’re just as unlikely to be respectful during or after sex. Save yourself the drama and pick someone else. Using popular adult dating services like Mixxxer is a great way to meet people wanting to hookup as well.
9. Broaden your horizons when it comes to meeting hook-ups.
There are no hard and fast rules as to where you can meet a potential hook-up partner. Lots of people do pick people up at bars or night clubs, but there are plenty of others that meet a great hook-up partner at work, school, through a mutual friend, or on social media.
Just make sure you’re extra careful about hooking up with anyone you’re likely to see again because you work for the same company or know a lot of the same people.
Online dating platforms and apps made for people interested in hooking up are great options to consider as well. Many of the best picks (like Mixxxer) operate via GPS, making it easy to locate a really good hook-up candidate no matter where you happen to be at the time. They definitely increase your chances of having the type of experience you’re really looking for. Explore the possibilities today!