A one-night stand is the type of experience that can either be the best thing ever or a total disaster. The difference between the two depends entirely on how you approach things. Yes, one-night stands are meant to be carefree, spontaneous decisions that break all the rules. However, there’s still something of a method to getting things right – a method that can be learned and eventually mastered with enough practice.
The next time you’re on the verge of having a phenomenal one-night encounter, keep these must-know dos and don’ts in mind. You’ll be a lot more likely to have an experience that’s awesome and satisfying for everyone involved.
- DO give yourself permission to go for it.
Start by giving yourself full permission to go after what you want. Not only there’s nothing wrong with having casual sex, but it actually comes attached to a lot of potential benefits. It helps you manage both depression and anxiety. It can help you build confidence and self-esteem. It’s a great way to get the sexual gratification you crave without entering a committed relationship you might not really want or have time for as well.
- DON’T hook up with a friend.
Generally speaking, you don’t want to have a one-night stand with someone you know really well. This is especially the case if you’re new to social sex. The chances are really good that one or both of you will regret things in the morning. It’ll most certainly mean your friendship will never be quite the same again. Trust us when we say there are lots of people out there that would make awesome hook-up choices – far too many to risk ruining an established friendship.
- DO embrace online and mobile dating.
These days, online dating isn’t just for people that are ultimately looking for love and serious, long-term connection. As modern people increasingly embrace alternatives like open relationships and voluntary singlehood, we’re seeing more and more hook-up interfaces hitting the scene. Some of the better options (like Mixxxer, to name just one example) bring way too much to the table to miss out on. Make sure you’re using them to your advantage!
- DON’T assume when it comes to “yes”.
Never take it for granted that someone in particular is going to have sex with you under any circumstances. Lots of people are friendly, flirty, affectionate, or even explicit by nature and don’t necessarily mean anything by it. Others may even be down for some really serious make-out sessions without also necessarily being DTF. This is the case even if they happily left the club and came back to your place with you.
- DO be up front about your intentions.
Instead of assuming (or hoping) you’ve got a sure thing on your hands, just be honest about what you’re looking for. No one that’s actually worth your time is going to be offended by your honesty, especially if you’re courteous about it. You also avoid either of you having to waste an entire evening on someone that isn’t interested in the same thing whether that’s sex, a relationship, or just a little fun conversation. In fact, being a clear communicator in general is one of the best ways to make sure you’re getting the most out of a casual sex lifestyle and this is as good a point to start with as any.
- DON’T forgo protection.
Like honesty and clear communication, protection is another absolute must when it comes to one-night stands. No exceptions and no excuses. No sex is so hot that it’s worth exposing yourself to an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. Don’t simply assume that the other party will take care of protection and/or birth control either. Always take your own precautions and keep plenty of protection with you at all times, especially if you think there’s a chance of getting lucky on a particular night.
- DO be sober.
A couple of cocktails can be great for loosening up a little bit or getting the right type of energy flowing. Slamming back shot after shot and getting super drunk, on the other hand, is the worst idea in the world if you’ve got a one-night stand in mind. At best, the sex might not be very good (or you might not remember it if it is). You also increase your risk of making a decision you’re likely to regret in the morning. No one really wants to go to bed with a sloppy drunk… or be one, for that matter. Stay on the sober side so you can really bring you’re A-game to the table.
- DON’T be shy and hold back.
We get it. Getting naked and horizontal with someone you really don’t know can be pretty intimidating in lots of ways. However, it can also be liberating if you look at it from the right angle. This is someone with no preconceived notions of who you are or what you’re like in bed. You’re free to be the best, most confident possible version of yourself at long last. One-night stands at their best are all about being wild, unbridled, and uninhibited. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to embrace the possibilities to the fullest by being shy and reserved when there’s really no need to be.
- DO be open about what you do and don’t like.
Remember what we said about how well honesty works when it comes to having a great one-night stand? Make sure you’re being up front about your sexual preferences. This person doesn’t know you and quite possibly has never met you before. They don’t know anything about how you like to be touched, what positions really get you going, or what fun new experiences you’d be open to if given the opportunity to try them. Be fearless about telling them what you like and encourage them to do the same. Be just as honest about it when you’re not into something they want to do. You’ll both have a much better time.
- DON’T be a selfish lover.
One-night stands are no different from other interactions with other humans in that the Golden Rule definitely applies. Treat your one-night stand the same way you’d want them to treat you. If they hook you up with a seriously toe-curling orgasm, make sure you return the favor and reciprocate. If you went to their place, be a polite, courteous guest. If you took them to yours, be a gracious, considerate host. Never treat someone like an object or like they’re just a piece of ass. Even if you never plan on seeing the person again, they’re still a human being with feelings that don’t deserve to be stepped on.
- DO leave sooner rather than later.
Anyone that’s ever thrown a party or entertained before is probably familiar with that one clueless guest that just… won’t… leave. Don’t be the one-night stand equivalent of that guy. Even if you’ve had a really good time and wouldn’t mind lingering a while, don’t simply assume you’re welcome to do so. Prepare to say good night and leave on your own so the evening ends on a great note. If they had a good time or want to see you again, you’ll leave them wanting more of you. If not, you at least get to avoid the embarrassment of being asked to leave. Either way, you win!
- DON’T sneak out after you’re done.
Yes, you should leave on your own if you’re at someone else’s place. However, you should never sneak out afterward. Even if you’ve both agreed that your encounter was just for that one night earlier in the evening, sneaking out on them is disrespectful and rude. There’s nothing embarrassing or shameful about having a one-night stand. Just thank the person for a wonderful evening, say good night, and call it an evening the way you would under any other set of circumstances. It shows that you’re not only comfortable having casual sex, but mature enough to handle it like an adult.
- DO be smart about safety.
There’s more to being safe about casual sex than simply using protection. Make sure you’re conscientious about your general safety as well. If you do decide to meet up with a stranger, tell a friend where you’ll be and who you’ll be meeting just in case. Never go to a bad part of town by yourself or go home with someone that gives you a bad vibe. It’s always better to be safe than sorry!
- DON’T be clingy.
Last but not least, understand that one-night stands aren’t times to be emotional. Don’t gush over the other person or say anything too familiar either before or after you have sex. Even if you unexpectedly feel a desire to see the person again, resist the urge to push the issue if they’re not feeling it. Remember that it’s not personal. That’s just how one-night stands work, so go with the flow!