Looking for Sex vs Looking for Love

When it comes to the world of dating, the battle of the sexes is alive and well. The proof can easily be seen in the ways columns and magazines geared toward either men or women address the topic.

How can an eager single go about understanding the opposite sex well enough to make a good impression on a first date? How can you better satisfy your partner in bed? What can you do to make sure a given encounter plays out the way you hope it will? How can you write a dating profile capable of attracting the right people?

In other words, most dating advice is all about helping daters better understand the differences between men and women and with good reason. Those differences aren’t all in your head. They’re very real, meaning learning to understand them is a fundamental part of getting what you want out of the dating experience. Let’s take a look at a few of the most important.

1. Men and women have different fears when it comes to online dating.

All people have fears and reservations when it comes to online dating. This is the case whether they’re looking for sex or looking for love. After all, everyone wants to put their best face forward in front of potential local dating prospects, but some people stray a little further from reality than others. Men have much different fears than women in this regard.

When it comes to online dating or hookups, women are much more likely to be concerned for their safety – probably why the number one fear among female Tinder users is inadvertently meeting a serial killer.

Women are less concerned with differences in appearance and the like. Men, on the other hand, are less preoccupied with safety and more concerned with whether or not women are as youthful, slim, or attractive as they appear to be on their profiles. In fact, the number one fear among male Tinder users is winding up matched with a fat woman.

2. Women take longer to develop first impressions than men do.

First dates can be tricky, not to mention nerve-wracking. This is especially the case when it comes to deciding whether or not you actually want to see the person again. Both men and women make that call pretty quickly. However, men do so much more quickly than women do

On average, a man has decided whether or not he wants to see his date again within 15 minutes. Women, on the other hand, typically need up to an hour. This is because men are more likely to want a second date because of excellent chemistry and/or early impressions. Women usually need to get to know their date a little better via conversation before they can be sure.

3. Women are a lot chattier than men.

Although some people are naturally going to be more introverted than others, women tend to be more conversational than men. This is especially the case in a dating situation where she might be sizing up a potential partner. On the average, women say more than 7,000 words per day while men say closer to 2,000.

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As one might predict, men really are the ones that are more likely to be thinking about sex, especially while on a date or sizing up a potential hookup. According to one study, the average man thinks about sex around 34 times a day. Although women don’t think about it as much, they definitely have it on the brain as well from time – about 19 times a day on average.

4. Men are more likely to have “anti-types” than women are.

It’s pretty much common knowledge that both men and women have “types” – specific categories of people that they’re especially attracted to sexually or romantically. Some people also have “anti-types” – certain types of people that they want nothing to do with whatsoever.

However, men are many times more likely to have “anti-types” than women are. The vast majority of men dislike one or more of the following types of women:

  • Women who flirt with anyone and everyone looking to get laid whenever it is possible. No man wants a woman that would have been just as satisfied with some other dude, even if he’s only looking for sex and not love. Constant indiscriminate flirting also makes it harder to tell when a woman is being sincere.
  • Women who bring up the topic of marriage or commitment too soon or bring it up too often. Men don’t like to feel pressured into making serious decisions about love before they’re ready, especially if they’re only looking for sex.
  • Eternal party-women. Guys like women that loves to have fun, but they’re not so hot on women that are perpetually immature and don’t know when to grow up.
  • Women that are too clingy. Every man likes to have his own space from time to time.
  • Constant drama magnets. Having a woman in his life is supposed to make things easier for a given man, not give him more to worry about.

There are some commonalities when it comes to types women avoid as well, although not to the same degree as with men. Examples include:

  • Men who wear too much cologne. No woman wants a guy you can smell coming a mile away.
  • Men who are inattentive. Women like to feel like the men in their lives care what they have to say regardless of whether they’re looking for sex or love.
  • Men who are overly sexual. Some open sexuality is great, but few women are interested in a man that seems to think of little else.
  • Men who are negative. Women don’t want men that are perpetual wet blankets.
  • Men that are afraid of commitment. Even the coolest, most patient women will eventually get tired of waiting for a man to decide she’s worth committing to.

5. Men and women view sex a lot differently.

Here in the 21st century, it’s socially acceptable for both men and women to be more open and adventurous when it comes to their sex lives. However, not a whole lot has really changed as far as how the sexes actually view and approach sex. To begin with, that old adage is true – women are more likely to be looking for love while men are a lot more likely to only be interested in social sex.

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There are also big differences as far as how many people the average man or woman is likely to become sexual with over the course of a lifetime. The average woman will have four sexual partners while the average man will have seven.

Some experts believe this doesn’t necessarily mean men actually have higher sex drives than women though. Since men are more likely than women to orgasm during sex, they’re also more likely to see it as a satisfying experience that’s worth seeking out.

6. Men and women approach dating apps from different angles.

Here in the Internet age, both men and women are very open to the idea of dating, flirting, or hooking up through an app. However, they ultimately embrace the experience to differing degrees. According to some data, men are a lot more likely to download dating apps in the first place, but women are a lot more likely to actually use them. Women are also much more likely to pay money to access extra services on a given app.

Some experts feel that means men have a greater interest in browsing and simply seeing what’s out there than women do. Women, on the other hand, tend to be more interested in finding an actual companion, even if she’s merely looking for a friends-with-benefits type of situation. For that reason, they tend to take apps more seriously and dismiss potential matches less casually.

7. Men are more likely to use dating apps when they’re not single.

If you’re someone that knows their way around the average dating or hookup app, you probably already know that a surprising number of users aren’t even single. Some of those people may be in open relationships, but plenty more are playing the field without the knowledge or blessing of their partner. According to WIRED, a whopping 42% of users on Tinder alone were in relationships and most of those were men.

8. A lot of men don’t actually know what they want.

When you consider the fact that men take dating apps less seriously and are more likely to dismiss a potential partner because she’s “not his type”, it probably won’t surprise you to know that men often are less aware of what they really want.

It’s why most of us know many men that can tell us a story of how they weren’t really looking for love, but found it unexpectedly. We probably know just as many that can say the opposite – that they wanted to find love, but eventually discovered they really enjoy singlehood and casual sex.

All things considered, it’s important for both sexes to take what they see on a given dating profile with a grain of salt (or several). Both men and women can well mean everything that they write about themselves, but have moments where whatever they wrote doesn’t apply. Intentions can be much clearer when using a site intended for just finding sex. So pick the service that best serves you and have fun!

Matt Manes

Matt Manes

I am the original creator of the Mixxxer hookup app which became one of the most popular hookup services on the web.

Over the years, I've observed and learned a great deal about what works and what doesn't when it comes to dating and hooking up online.

While most guys learn through trial and error, I learned through analyzing the data from the millions of Mixxxer members we catered too.