While it’s true that sex isn’t everything when it comes to our love lives, there’s no real point in denying that it comes pretty darned close to topping the list. We could be single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between but we all have one thing in common. We want to get laid as often as we find ourselves in the mood. We want it to be good too.
Whether you already have someone you’re hooking up with on the regular or not, mobile hook-up interfaces like Tinder, Grindr, and Mixxxer take a lot of the guesswork out of finding someone new to do the deed with. Even so, there’s a fine art to doing things properly and getting the most out of your favorite apps. Keep the following tips in mind to maximize your chances of having a satisfying experience.
- Don’t take hooking up too seriously.
Apps and mobile dating interfaces are all about making getting laid easier, more convenient, and less stressful. With a great app in your corner, you no longer have to waste entire nights trolling the bars and the clubs hoping to get lucky. You don’t have to spend money you don’t really have on dates you don’t actually want to be on either. Instead, you get to cut straight to the fun part you’re really interested in.
Always keep in mind that the operative word there is “fun”. People that take hookup apps too seriously and stress over them to the point of obsession often don’t do well or get the results they were after. Keep stress completely out of the equation and take things as they come. Even on interfaces like Mixxxer that are strictly about sex, no one wants to hook up with someone who reeks of desperation or doesn’t know how to go with the flow.
- Choose your photos carefully.
Everyone knows that on hookup apps, photos are pretty much the most important part of your profile. Even on Tinder where potential matches might possibly be looking for more than just sex, your photos will still be the first thing your potential matches see from you. What so many people don’t understand is what actually makes the difference between a bad or forgettable photo and a photo that gets you noticed.
Skip the extreme close-ups, outdated shots, and faux-artistic angles that you think cleverly conceal your flaws. Not only do you risk coming across as insecure, but you won’t make a very good impression on your matches when you meet them in person and look nothing like your pictures. Instead, pick at least one clear photo that includes both your face and your body so matches can really see what you look like. If you’re looking for more than just sex, also include an action photo of you doing something you enjoy (e.g. hiking or spending time with your pets). If you’re strictly looking for a hookup and it’s in line with the rules of the interface you’re using, have at least one other photo be a little more risqué.
- Be up front about what you’re really looking for.
Using apps to get laid isn’t just a lot more economical and convenient than simply hoping to get lucky on a traditional date. It can be a real time and energy saver as well, but only if you allow it to be. Being vague or intentionally opaque about what you’re really looking for in the hopes you’ll attract more potential matches ultimately only wastes their time and yours.
You don’tnecessarily have to say “I just want to get laid” if you’re using Tinder or a similar interface. Saying you’re “looking for fun” or something similar will make it pretty clear to most matches that you’re pretty much just about sex right now and not currently interested in anything more serious. At some point, you might also want to consider switching from options like Tinder to an alternative interface like Mixxxer that is strictly for those interested in casual sex and no-strings hookups.
- Be prepared to make the first move.
If you’re a woman that uses apps to get laid, making the first move probably isn’t something you have to worry about unless you’re looking to connect with someone specific. Men, on the other hand, still have to be prepared to work for it more often than not. Even in 2018, most men still usually have to step up and send that first message.
That said, be prepared to be proactive. Rest assured that a hot woman on a hookup app probably gets more messages from interested guys every day than she can shake a stick at, so don’t wait if you see someone you like. Send her a message. Make it something that stands out without seeming contrived and definitely avoid sending forgettable, one-word greetings like “hi” or “hey” at all costs.
- Don’t be something you’re not.
Only the most self-absorbed narcissists actually think of themselves as God’s gift to any possible hookups that might be on their radar. Most people at least occasionally worry that they’re not as attractive, or funny, or witty as the next guy. However, quite a few of us make things worse by pretending to be what we think other people are looking for instead of playing to our actual strengths.
You’ll stand a much better chance of having a satisfying hookup experience if you’re genuine and honest about who you are and what you’re into. People don’t like fakes and they can smell them coming from a mile away. Women are usually especially fed up with being lied to. Just be yourself and rest assured that there’s someone out there that’s into exactly what you bring to the table.
- Know when to move forward and when to abort mission.
Even if you’re only looking for a one-night stand, free and easy communication is still a must. You don’t want someone you feel awkward talking to or that expects you to carry every single second of even a basic conversation yourself. If you message a promising candidate and they either don’t respond or seem uninterested, focus your efforts elsewhere. Continuing to message them anyway isn’t going to change their mind about you.
Save your energy for matches that actually seem into you and that you truly enjoy communicating with. Keep the conversation interesting (or sexy, or flirty) and show them why you’re the one that’s totally worth their time and attention. And again, don’t focus so intently on impressing them that you wind up settling for less than what you’re looking for. If a given match is totally into you, but you’re just not feeling it, it’s totally OK to excuse yourself and find someone more intriguing to date.
- Meet up as soon as possible.
Once you do find someone you feel like you could happily spend some time with, especially if conversation is really flowing, don’t put off meeting up. Make arrangements to get together ASAP. As touched on above, awesome people that use dating apps pretty much always have lots of options to choose from. If you don’t jump on the opportunity to snag some of this person’s valuable time, you can rest assured that someone else will.
If you want someone, just go for it. Don’t wait and don’t let nerves get the best of you, even if you’re brand new to hooking up. Be cool about it though. Don’t force the issue or be too pushy about things. If they like you, they’ll jump at the chance to meet up sooner rather than later without having to be coaxed into it.
- Don’t expect to leap right into sex either.
So you totally did it. Not only did you attract and hold the attention of someone hot, sexy, fun, and basically everything you’re looking for, but you’ve successfully scheduled a meet-up you both seem really excited about. It’s also totally clear to both of you that you’re meeting up solely to have a little sexy fun together. Awesome, right? But now what?
Make sure things between you stay awesome from the first second of your encounter to the last by continuing to be the same engaging person you’ve been up to this point. Don’t attempt to hop right into bed the minute you lay eyes on each other, even if you’ve both agreed that this is a hook-up. Nobody likes to be treated like a piece of meat or a sex toy you can simply turn on and off by pushing a button.
Spend a little bit of time chatting, connecting, and transitioning to talking in person. Even confident people usually need a chance to break the ice a little before they move on to something more intimate. Just relax, laugh, and take as much time as is needed to move to the next step. The hard part’s over with. You’re totally about to hook up! Enjoy the entire experience for what it is.