5 Signs You’re Not Cut Out for Monogamy

Not Cut Out for Monogamy

Monogamous relationships can be wonderful, but they’re not necessarily for everyone. Plus, people go through many changes throughout their lifetimes. Monogamy may be a perfect fit for a given person when they’re younger, but not later on (or vice versa). It’s natural, normal, and healthy to reevaluate once in a while and make sure your lifestyle choices are still in line with your actual values.

If something just hasn’t felt right with your love life lately, it could be a sign that it’s time to try something different. The following are just a few signs that monogamy may not be the right fit for you at this point in your life. Do they sound familiar?

1.      You keep coming back to the idea of polyamory.

People for whom monogamy is the only sensible choice find it hard to see the appeal of polyamory. For them, love and sex are best within the context of a committed, monogamous relationship. They don’t spend a lot of time wondering how the other half lives, so if you do, that may be a sign monogamy isn’t clicking for you right now.

If you’re not in a relationship right now, consider a lifestyle that allows for involvement with more than one person at a time. If you are seeing someone, it could be time to discuss opening the relationship up to one degree or another.

2.      You have trouble staying faithful.

No one should ever betray a partner’s trust if it’s been mutually decided that other people are off-limits, but some people have more trouble staying faithful than others. Many would even say they’re at a loss to explain why they cheat since they seem to do it even when they’re in good relationships.

Have you had trouble staying faithful in more than one of your past relationships? Do you seem to have a wandering eye even when you’re relatively happy with your partner? Do you often find yourself wishing it were acceptable to explore other people even when you’re with someone? There’s a good chance you’re just not naturally monogamous.

3.      You often wonder what you’re missing.

Some people settle into long-term monogamous relationships relatively early in life, often after dating just a couple of people. While there’s nothing wrong with this, per se, it can leave someone with an impression of having missed out on something.

Perhaps you haven’t dated many people in your life and have always wondered what else is out there. If you’re currently free to find out, this is a good time to explore the possibilities. You may discover polyamory or a more casual approach to dating is a better fit for you on a long-term basis. Even if you don’t, you’ll go into your next monogamous relationship with a better understanding of what you do and don’t like, need, or want.

4.      Consistency in relationships is an issue for you.

Some people’s relationship styles are super steady. Others are a little more changeable. They may feel madly in love with their partners one day, but find themselves thinking back longingly on the single life the next. Of course, everyone experiences this to some extent, but it’s worth reflecting on if it happens to you frequently.

Despite what society would have people believe, running hot and cold in monogamous relationships isn’t necessarily a sign of poor character. Monogamy simply isn’t as easy or natural for some people as it may be for others. You owe it to yourself and your future partners to figure out where you stand.

5.      Love often sounds better on paper to you.

Who doesn’t think to be in love as a concept sounds like absolute bliss? Everyone likes the idea of having someone who’s always got their back no matter what – someone who knows you and understands you on a level no one else does. And relationships can be wonderful, but they also take a lot of work.

There will be wonderful times, but there will also be tough times. Many people discover it’s tougher than they think it will be to truly open themselves up to someone else and accept that person for who they are as well. If relationships frequently find you wondering whether love is worth it, monogamy may not be the best fit for you.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to commit to a specific stance on monogamy. You’re free to change your mind about what’s right for you as many times in your life as you like. Just make sure you’re open and honest with anyone you date about what you are and aren’t looking for. These days, just about anything goes when it comes to love, so just keep it real. You won’t have any trouble finding other people who feel the same way you do.

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