Swingers Spotlight: Finding Sex Online With Plenty of Partners

Online sex dating for “no strings attached” hookups have become really easy these days.

In fact, for many casual singles finding one single booty call has become so easy that their interests are expanding. The swinger lifestyle is making a comeback thanks to a groundswell of open-minded sexy couples interested in becoming intimate with a wider array of partners.

If an occasional date with a single mate is no longer enough to thrill you, read on to find out how you can supercharge your sex life by adding more playmates to the mix via polyamorous online communities.

What Does Being A Swinger Really Mean?

sexy fun camping with mixxxer

Swingers are ‘normal people’ who have a desire for intimacy that goes beyond anything one partner can satisfy on an everyday basis. Many are already part of a loving committed relationship with a primary partner.

But they are progressive enough to understand that their lives would both be greatly enriched by removing the traditional limits often imposed on a marriage or other long-term relationship by societal dogma.

Just because your grandparents only had sex with each other during a long and beautiful relationship, that doesn’t mean you and your spouse need to follow their example in every conceivable way to achieve the highest level of romantic bliss.

Often there is a social stigma attached to the Swing lifestyle from ‘squares’ that do not participate in these kinds of activities.

For that reason, many couples continue to shy away from an open marriage or consensual affairs due to a fear that it might lead to some kind of ostracism from your own local social circles.

We believe that is a terrible outcome simply because it involves sacrificing your own happiness and limiting the happiness of your partner solely to ‘live up to’ the nonsensical expectations of others who are not even involved in your lives during your most intimate moments.

Most swingers are involved in a relationship of two or more people already and are seeking new partners to play with, but there are also a significant number of singles interested in striking up some involvement with an already attached couple. Single male swingers are often referred to as Stags and single female swingers are frequently described as ‘Polys’ (for their polyamorous approach to sex).

What’s the Best Way To Start Swinging As A Couple?

If you are already involved with someone else and want to become active as a swinger there are some essential things to consider before you begin to move forward.

1) Establish Ground Rules With Your Partner First

This is without any doubt the single most important step to becoming a successful set of swingers as a preformed couple. You and your partner may both want to live a polyamorous lifestyle but all too often that means different things to different people.

The key is to have an open, candid and complete conversation with your partner prior to seeking out sex with anyone else.

  • Are there things you and your partner wish to make ‘out of bounds’?
  • Do you have a safe word that you can both use to pause any encounter if you feel uncomfortable?
  • Have you discussed where you will find partners or where you will refrain from searching?
  • Are you seeking a full time relationship with someone new or are you both wanting a more casual no strings attached arrangement?

There are no right or wrong answers to the questions posed above. The important thing is that you and your partner discuss them in full and reach a shared sense of agreement on each of these important subjects.

Only when you are both confident that you have had a meeting of the minds are you ready to start seeking a third, fourth, or fifth mind (as a new partner) to add to the discussion.

2) Anonymity Is Important

Secret Swinger on Mixxxer

You may be looking to experiment with your sexuality and there is a chance that the experiments may go awry from time to time.

You or your partner may decide a former fantasy isn’t what you hoped it would be and your goals will evolve as you learn more about yourselves and each other along the way. Being able to discard past experiences without future repercussions is crucial.

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That’s why so many swingers rely on trusted online dating communities that are stocked full of caring, thoughtful and sexy swingers aware of the need to keep things confidential. Most swingers do everything on a first name only basis (at least at first) and gradually increase what they are willing to share as they get to know a new mate better.

Find a hookup app that provides you with the easiest way to communicate anonymously and a powerful set of tools that are useful for finding partners who are close enough to be convenient in terms of distance while also being safely outside your existing social circles as well.

3) How Many Dates Are Too Many?

Couple on Date

It sounds like an arrogant thought at first, until you consider it more deeply. You live in a time when finding sex with someone new every night of the week is a real possibility.

Some new swingers have expressed the feeling that they began to lose their sense of self or the closeness of their primary relationship because their enthusiasm lead them to go bed-hopping night after night for months until they realized there is actually a real opportunity to have too much sex with too many partners in too short a period of time.

We recommend setting aside at least one romantic night each week where you and your primary partner can reconnect on a very intimate level. A quiet dinner together, time talking or taking a long walk along the beach are valuable ways to rekindle your own connection.

And to make sure that becoming swingers is enhancing your relationship with each other rather than diminishing your closeness to the person you care about the most.

What’s the Best Way To Start Swinging As A Single?

Man with two women

If you are a male single looking to go Stag there will be some opportunities for you, as long as you are flexible and willing to fit your own goals into the relationships of the people looking at add you to their playtime.

Many couples look for a male single to perform in a specific role. For example, a cuckold might want to sit in the room and watch while you fuck his wife and bring her to orgasm in front of his eyes.

Some couples are seeking a ‘pinch-hitter’ to provide physical intimacy for a wife whose husband has become unable due to disability or other reasons.

Many couples are interested in exploring bisexual tendencies and would love to find a male single that they can add to a MFM threeway or one who is willing to engage in sex acts like DP or “gangbangs” that require two or more men.

The critical thing to keep in mind is that you are being brought in to enhance their relationship, so you can pick and choose the couple that is right for you but the less picky you are willing to be, the more couples you are likely to attract.

Girl holding sign

As a female poly your options are likely to be even greater, but you do need to remain even more vigilant about your health, safety and emotional wellness.

All too often we hear about a couple that includes a man who wants to fuck around and a wife begrudgingly agreeing to allow him to seek out other women on their behalf.

These are not quality relationships to become involved with and you should always be looking careful about the intentions of any couple you arrange to meet, and be especially certain that everyone involved is as enthusiastic as you are to be meeting new people for an adult arrangement as part of your swinging lifestyle.

Is There Some Kind of Swingers’ Etiquette?

Yes! There definitely is an unspoken code of conduct and some simple manners to abide by if you want to become popular among swinger social circles.

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Each of these notes may seem like common sense, but Swingers expect you to be aware of these easy to follow customs and to follow them right from the start:

1) Getting To Know Someone Doesn’t Mean It’s OK to Pry

Swingers in a jacuzzi

On a first date it’s completely acceptable to make small talk and get to know more about your new potential mates. However, swingers are often vague about their personal details on purpose.

Asking ‘what you do for a living’ will likely get an answer like “I work in finance” or “I own my own business.” Those answers aren’t invitations to ask a long series of follow-up questions.

They are intended to keep everyone at ‘arms’ length’ emotionally until there is a reason to become more intimate.

In almost every case, swingers prefer not to discuss their offspring if they have any, polyamorous people only give out certain ways to contact them rather than their cell phones or business contact details.

Always be mindful of asking for information that you don’t need and is not relevant to your new relationship right away. Nobody likes to feel like they are the subject of a book report on the first date.

2) Are There Things That Are Off Limits Sexually?

You may wonder when you are having sex with a couple, whether it’s okay to kiss them on the mouth, if they are into anal sex, or if you can keep playing with one part of a couple while the other is out of the room attending to something else happening somewhere else.

The fact is, if you are wondering these things during sex, you are already too late to have found out these answers the easy way by asking before anything sexual begins.

While prying questions about someone’s personal life are frowned up, asking detailed questions about what you can or can’t do during a date is a practice that is unanimously accepted by everyone. It’s the most relevant information, and if asked in a thoughtful way the discussion itself can be very arousing.

You need to know how he likes it, what she finds sexy, or what they have agreed not to share. Enjoy a few minutes delving deeper into the discussion, and you’ll notice this all ties directly back into the first thing we discussed in this article.

You can only really discuss what is off limits, if you have already had a meeting of the minds with your primary partner about what you agree should be allowed.

Becoming A Swinger Is A Lot Easier Than Any Article Ever Makes It Sound

Swingers Party

There are millions of Swingers online every day. Single stag men, poly single women and plenty of loving couples looking to mix it up with other open-minded adults seeing sex with someone outside their primary relationship.

Articles like this one are meant to ease your mind and give you a useful orientation so that you can anticipate what is likely to happen during your first few dates with brand new playmates.

That being said, it’s completely normal for you to be a little nervous as a newbie, and it’s definitely something you can mention to your prospective mates when seeking a date online.

Reading this may have caused you to feel like there is a lot to it, but the fact is that humanity has been fucking for centuries, and the whole notion of monogamy has only been with us for a tiny fraction of that time.

Polyamorous sex is the most natural organic and free dating experience you can have in your lifetime, and once you have a good grasp on the mindset of other Swingers you can finally let yourself enjoy all that your new swinging lifestyle enables you to experience during the greatest sexual adventures of your lifetime!

Matt Manes

Matt Manes

I am the original creator of the Mixxxer hookup app which became one of the most popular hookup services on the web.

Over the years, I've observed and learned a great deal about what works and what doesn't when it comes to dating and hooking up online.

While most guys learn through trial and error, I learned through analyzing the data from the millions of Mixxxer members we catered too.