“Friends with benefits” – it’s a term we’ve all heard by now. If you’re like most people, you may even have wondered if it’s right for you and with good reason.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with loving, committed relationships, friends with benefits arrangements bring their own perks to the table.
Those that swear by FWB say such relationships come attached to better, hotter sex and much less heartbreak among other things.
However, knowing “friends with benefits” is something you’d like to try for yourself and actually finding a situation that works for you are two different matters.
Let’s take a closer look at how you choose the right person, how you get things started, and how you successfully maintain the relationship to everyone’s benefit.
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How Do Relationships Between Fuck Buddies Start?
It’s the question most people that have never been in a FWB relationship before have right off the bat – how do you actually go from just knowing someone to actually being bona fide sex buddies? The fact of the matter is it starts differently for everyone.
In some cases, the buddy in question is just someone you know and like, but don’t have a super close emotional connection to. It could be an old friend from your school days that you reconnected with over Facebook.
It could be a hot waiter you flirt with every time you grab a bite at your favorite restaurant, a sexy a
cquaintance a friend introduced you to, or a random hookup you really hit it off with.
In most cases these days, adventurous people find fuck buddies on casual dating sites. Services like Ashley Madison are useful because they don’t rely on luck, you don’t have to just happen to know or meet someone who you hope holds a mutual interest in casual sex.
And you don’t have to build up the courage to suggest it. Everyone there is just like you and looking for the same thing.
All you need to do is chat with everyone you like and choose who you like best. You could find an easy hookup tonight, as opposed to ‘maybe’ this month or year.
How to Keep Your Fuck Buddy
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because a friends with benefits situation is all about the fun and connection without the strings and the commitment of a traditional relationship, that there are no rules that should be followed.
There’s still a right way and a wrong way to go about things. Keep the following directives in mind to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible.
Keep romance out of the equation.
The term is “fuck buddy” or “friend with benefits” for a very good reason. This type of situation works best when the two of you are friends and nothing more. The better the both of you are at keeping things that way, the better your FWB relationship will be.
Don’t add confusion to the situation by blurring lines. In other words, act like a friend with whom you happen to be sexually involved, not a romantic partner. If what either of you is really hoping for is a FWB situation that eventually turns into a relationship, you’re better off not getting involved at all.
Keep things casual and simple.
The simpler you can keep the relationship, the better. The whole point is to be light-hearted about your connection and to have fun.
Avoid letting yourself obsess over what the other person might be thinking or doing when you’re not together. Don’t spend too much time thinking about or discussing your emotions and feelings either.
Keep your FWB relationship in a class by itself.
Speaking of keeping things simple and not acting like a couple, it’s not a great idea to let your FWB relationship infiltrate other areas of your life.
Avoid introducing your sex buddy to your family or your close friends. Instead, let it be a separate part of your life that’s just about you and your personal satisfaction.
Don’t ask and don’t tell.
Although some friends with benefits enthusiasts are more comfortable with openness as far as other conquests and partners, most believe in “don’t ask don’t tell”.
You’re not exclusive and you’re not in a committed relationship. Talking too much about other people you’re with can feel rude and classless, so it’s best not to do it unless that’s part of your unique agreement.
Respect one another.
No, this isn’t your romantic partner. No, there aren’t any strings attached. No, there are no agendas involved. However, don’t underestimate how far a little mutual respect can go.
If the two of you want to spend the entire night together, that’s fine. However, both of you need to understand that “my house my rules” should also apply.
For instance, don’t make an issue of it if you hook up at their place and they want you to leave afterward or if they want to leave after a hookup at your place. Don’t be rude yourself either. Always be courteous.
For instance, if the other person was nice enough to respond to your midnight booty call, it’s a nice gesture to offer to pay for an Uber or a cab so they can get home.
Be awesome in bed.
When it comes to casual fuck buddies, fantastic sex is the entire point of the connection. Both of you need to be dedicated to delivering in that arena. That means plenty of passion, 100% satisfaction, and mind-blowing orgasms for both parties.
Of course, everyone is different and no two FWB relationships are going to be alike. That said, the rules of the road will vary from situation to situation. However, the ones listed above are more or less universal, so it always pays to keep them in mind.
Also keep in mind that fun and satisfaction are the objectives here. Make sure the both of you are clear on your intentions and expectations right from the beginning. If everything develops as it should and proper boundaries are maintained, there shouldn’t be any drama when and if your FWB eventually ends.
Sooner or later, someone will get bored, meet someone else with whom they want to be serious, or simply want to approach their sex life from a different angle… and that’s okay.
