6 Signs Your FWB is Catching Feelings

Having a FWB (Friend with Benefits, AKA a fuck buddy) represents the best of both worlds for many people. On the one hand, you get to enjoy the easy connection of knowing the person you’re sleeping with reasonably well. But on the other, you’re a free agent, so you don’t have to maintain a serious commitment you might not want or be ready for.

In other words, everything’s great… until it’s not anymore. Maybe lately, things have been feeling slightly off between you and your FWB. Even though they might be insistent that everything’s the same as it’s always been, you’re starting to worry that they’re catching feelings. Here’s how you can tell whether that’s the case so you can nip things in the bud before they get out of hand.

So, what are the signs your FWB is catching feelings?

You just feel it in your gut.

Often in life, your gut knows the shot long before your head or your heart ever does, so it’s important to pay attention to it. Chances are, if you have a gut feeling that your FWB is starting to see you as something more, there’s a good reason for it.

Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll try to act on those feelings or expect anything from you. But it’s still good to know where you stand so you can be prepared for any possible complications.

They’ve stopped seeing other people.

You’re not exclusive when you’re merely sex buddies with someone else. You get together for sex when it’s convenient, but neither of you feels entitled to the other’s time or attention. And most importantly of all, you both see and sleep with other people because that’s really the whole point of having a fuck buddy instead of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

But maybe lately, you’ve noticed your sex buddy isn’t seeing anyone else and hasn’t been for quite some time. Of course, they could just be going through a dry spell as far as their dating life goes. But it’s also a possible sign that they’re no longer into seeing others because they really only want to see you.

Sometimes they seem jealous.

There’s no room for jealousy in a friends-with-benefits relationship, so pay attention to whether you pick up on any from your sex buddy, especially if it never seemed to be a problem before. Do they now seem unwilling to hear anything about the rest of your love life when they were always interested before? Or maybe it’s just a general vibe you pick up on sometimes.

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Jealousy and possessiveness that seem to have come out of nowhere are strong signs that someone’s feelings for you are starting to change. So be on the lookout and be prepared to address things if they seem to be getting out of hand.

They drop subtle hints.

Sometimes a FWB with growing feelings may do this purposefully, but some definitely do it subconsciously, as well. Little things they say and do gently suggest that their connection with you means more to them than it used to.

Maybe they make off-hand comments about how in sync the two of you are or even outright tell you how much fun you are to be around (and not just in a sexual context). Sure, it could be that they just really like you as a person and value your company. Still, it’s also highly likely they’re thinking about moving the relationship forward, either consciously or otherwise.

They call you for more than just booty.

Healthy FWB relationships come with very clear boundaries, meaning you’re not supposed to be acting like you’re in a relationship. For example, you don’t invite your sex buddy to family dinners or weddings. You don’t call them to cry on their shoulder when something’s not going your way, and you don’t turn to them when you need advice on anything important, either.

Calls from your fuck buddy should be about one thing only – wanting some booty and hoping you’ve got time to give them some. If they’re getting in touch in the hopes that you’ll be there for them in some other way or even just because they simply feel like chatting, it’s likely some different feelings are starting to develop there.

They seem weirdly careful around you.

Maybe at the beginning of your arrangement with your FWB, they were free and easy around you, which is what you’d expect when there’s nothing more between you. But now, they don’t seem quite so carefree anymore. In fact, it may sometimes seem as if they’re downright walking on eggshells around you.

So has your fuck buddy seemed nervous around you lately? Do they appear overly concerned with making you happy, pleasing you, and living up to your romantic or sexual standards in every way possible? In other words, are they acting the way you’d expect someone to act around someone they have a crush on? If so, that may be exactly what’s going on.

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They want to talk about personal things.

Don’t worry. We’re not about to suggest that there’s anything wrong with enjoying a little casual banter or playful pillow talk with your friends-with-benefits. On the contrary, it’s more than okay and even healthy to chat about every day, inconsequential things before or after you have sex. But be wary of conversation that seems to take a hard left into personal territory a lot when it never did before.

So, has your FWB seemed moved to share more personal details and feelings about their life with you lately? Or maybe they’ve been hinting that they’d like to know more about your personal life and feelings. Do you ever get the impression they’re looking for a way past all those boundaries you’ve worked so hard to maintain? Some powerful new feelings might be the reason why.

Of course, what you do about a sex buddy who appears to be falling for you is up to you. If you want to take things further, that’s fine. But if you don’t, you might want to sit them down for a talk sooner rather than later so you can assess the viability of your friends-with-benefits relationship. You’ll both be glad you did in the long run.


Ruth Thomas

Ruth Thomas

Hi! My name is Ruth! I am a sex therapist and a happily married swinger (for 20 years now).

I have a PhD in human sexuality and a masters in counseling. I've been helping people improve their sex lives for over 25 years.

I am a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM).

I'm here to help people explore their sexuality and find what works for them. Whether it's with one partner or many, in a committed relationship or not, I believe that everyone deserves to experience the joys of a fulfilling sexual life.