No one ever wants to find out that their partner has been cheating on them. It’s a feeling that is difficult to describe – a mix of anger, betrayal, sadness, and confusion.
If you’re currently going through this, you’re probably wondering what you should do next.
Christy Thompson is a couples therapist based in New York who has worked with many couples who have dealt with infidelity.
She believes that couples can overcome cheating if they are willing to work on their relationship. Here is her advice for couples who have been cheated on:
“First, the couple needs to take some time to figure out what happened and why it happened. Second, they need to communicate with each other about what happened and how they are feeling. Third, they need to work on rebuilding trust in their relationship. Fourth, they need to make sure that they are on the same page about what they want from the relationship.”
If you’ve been cheated on, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Many couples have dealt with this issue and gone on to have healthy, happy relationships.
With some time and effort, you and your partner can overcome this challenge and come out stronger than ever.
The first step is to take some time to figure out what happened and why it happened. This can be a difficult and painful process, but it’s necessary in order to move on. Once you have a better understanding of the situation, you can start to communicate with your partner about what happened and how you’re feeling.
The next step is to work on rebuilding trust in your relationship. This will require time, patience, and understanding from both partners. It’s important to be honest with each other and to keep communication open.
Finally, you need to make sure that you’re on the same page about what you want from the relationship. This includes discussing your expectations, needs, and desires. Once you’ve done this, you can start to work on rebuilding your relationship and moving forward.
If you follow these steps, you’ll be on your way to overcoming cheating and rebuilding your relationship.
Is Your Partner cheating On You? The Warning Signs
It’s a question that, unfortunately, many people have to ask themselves at some point in their relationship. And while it’s never an easy thing to deal with, there are usually warning signs that something is going on before it happens.
“There are always warning signs before someone cheats,” says Thompson. “You might notice your partner acting differently, or they might start pulling away from you.”
According to Thompson, some of the warning signs that your partner may be cheating on you include:
- Your partner is suddenly distant and doesn’t want to spend as much time with you as they used to.
- Your partner is working longer hours or taking more business trips than usual.
- Your partner is being secretive and won’t let you see their phone or computer.
- Your partner is suddenly dressing nicer or taking more care of their appearance.
- Your partner is spending more time with their friends or colleagues and less time with you.
If you’re noticing any of these warning signs, it’s important to talk to your partner about what’s going on. It’s possible that there’s a perfectly innocent explanation, but it’s also possible that something bigger is going on.
Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important if you’re dealing with something like infidelity.
If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, Thompson recommends saying something like, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been distant lately and I’m wondering what’s going on.”
From there, you and your partner can discuss what’s going on and figure out a plan to move forward.
The Aftermath
The aftermath of cheating can be difficult to deal with. You may feel like you’re constantly thinking about what happened and why it happened.
You may experience a whole range of emotions from depression to anger.
It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for your partner’s cheating. They made the decision to cheat and they will have to deal with the consequences.
What you can do is focus on yourself and healing from this experience. Here are some tips to help you do that:
- Talk to someone who can help you understand your feelings and process what happened. This can be a therapist, counselor, or friend.
- Find a healthy outlet for your emotions. This could be journaling, going for walks, or talking to a friend.
- Focus on taking care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep.
- Make sure to do things that make you happy. This could be reading, listening to music, or spending time with friends.
By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better position to deal with what happened and move on with your life.
When to Forgive Your Partner
Forgiving your partner is a difficult decision that only you can make. If you decide to stay in the relationship, you’ll need to work on rebuilding trust. This will require time, patience, and understanding from both you and your partner.
Forgiving your partner does not mean condoning their behavior. It simply means that you are ready to move on from the pain and hurt they caused.
Holding onto resentment will only damage your relationship further.
If you decide to forgive your partner, it’s important to do so for the right reasons. Forgiving them because you can’t imagine life without them is not a healthy reason to stay in the relationship. Likewise, forgiving them because you don’t want to be seen as the person who was cheated on is also not a good reason.
The best reason to forgive your partner is because you truly believe that they are sorry for what they did and you are willing to give them a second chance. If you can’t forgive them, it’s important to communicate this to them. Ending the relationship is a decision that only you can make.
“The process of forgiving and rebuilding trust is different for every couple. It requires time, patience, and understanding from both partners. If you decide to stay in the relationship, be sure to do so for the right reasons,” says Thompson.
How To Forgive Your Partner
If you’ve been cheated on, you might be feeling a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and betrayal.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel these things. You’re allowed to be hurt and upset.
However, in order to move forward, you’ll need to forgive your partner.
This doesn’t mean that you forget what happened or that you’re okay with it. It just means that you’re willing to let go of the anger and pain so that you can focus on rebuilding your relationship.
Forgiving your partner can be a difficult process, but there are a few things that you can do to make it easier.
Understand Why
Try to understand why they cheated. This can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that there are usually underlying issues that contribute to cheating.
Communication is Key
One of the most important things you can do after cheating is to talk to each other. This means communicating openly and honestly about what happened and how you’re feeling.
It’s also important to listen to your partner and try to understand their perspective. This can be difficult, but it’s crucial for rebuilding trust in your relationship.
Look Forward Not Back
Focus on the future. If you’re able to forgive your partner, it means that you’re willing to work on your relationship.
This means that you’ll need to focus on rebuilding trust and creating a strong foundation for your future together.
Rebuild Trust
Once you’ve talked about what happened, you can start to work on rebuilding trust in your relationship. This means being open and honest with each other, being reliable and trustworthy, and making an effort to rebuild the bond you once had.
It’s important to remember that trust takes time to build. It won’t happen overnight, but it is possible to rebuild trust in your relationship.
Spend some quality time together
One of the best ways to heal your relationship after cheating is to spend some quality time together. This can mean taking a trip together, going on regular date nights, or even just spending more time talking to each other.
When you’re dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, it’s easy to focus on the negative aspects of your relationship. However, it’s important to remember the good times you’ve had together as well.
Travel tips
If you decide to take a trip together, there are a few things you can do to make it a success.
First, pick a destination that you’re both interested in. This will help ensure that you have a good time while you’re there.
Second, make sure to plan some activities that you can do together. This will give you a chance to bond and connect with each other.
Third, be sure to set some ground rules before you go. This will help prevent any arguments or fights while you’re on vacation.
Date nights
If you’re struggling to reconnect with your partner, plan some regular date nights. This can be once a week, every other week, or even once a month.
The important thing is to make sure that you’re both committed to spending time together. This will help you reconnect and rekindle your relationship.
Staying on the Same Page
Finally, it’s important to make sure that you’re both on the same page about what you want from the relationship. This means having clear and honest conversations about your expectations and needs.
It’s also important to be willing to compromise and negotiate. This can be difficult, but it’s necessary in order to move forward in your relationship.
Get Some Help
If you’re struggling to process what happened and figure out what to do next, it might be helpful to enlist the help of a therapist or counselor.
Talking to someone who is objective and unbiased can be helpful in gaining clarity and developing a plan for moving forward.
If you’re not ready to see a therapist, there are also some great books about relationships and infidelity that can be helpful.
No matter what you decide to do, remember that you have the power to choose how you want to respond to this situation. You can choose to let it break you down or you can choose to use it as an opportunity to grow and strengthen your relationship.
Know When to Call It Quits
Sometimes the pain and hurt are just too much to overcome. If your partner has cheated on you multiple times, or if they show no remorse for their actions, it might be time to consider ending the relationship.
Couples’ therapist Christy Thompson says, “If the couple can’t figure out what happened and why it happened, if they can’t communicate with each other about what happened and how they are feeling, or if they can’t rebuild trust in their relationship, then it might be time to end things.”
If you’re not sure if you should stay or go, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you figure out what is best for you.
Moving Forward
When it comes to cheating, there’s no easy way to fix things. If you’ve been cheated on, you know the pain and betrayal that comes with it. And, if you’re the one who did the cheating, you know the guilt and shame that comes with that.
Either way, it’s not a situation that’s easy to deal with.
But, if you’re willing to put in the time and effort, it is possible to rebuild trust after cheating. This will require time, patience, and open communication. You’ll need to rebuild trust by being honest with each other, keeping your promises, and being transparent in your relationship.
It’s also important to be supportive of each other during this time and to avoid placing blame on each other.
With time and effort, you can rebuild trust and create a stronger, more honest relationship.
But it won’t be easy.
