9 Things to Keep in Mind When Dating Bisexual Men

Maybe you’re currently interested in a guy that just so happens to be bisexual. Maybe you’re simply in search of useful information that might come in handy one day in the event you ever are. Whatever the case may be, it’s only natural to wonder what might be different about dating a bisexual guy as compared to dating other gay men if you’re new to the experience.

In some ways, dating an amazing bisexual stud isn’t a lot different from dating anyone else, but it comes alongside its share of challenges as well. Here we’ll go over a few things every gay guy should keep in mind if he also dates or is interested in bisexual men. We’ll debunk a few stubborn myths as well as go over a few must-know tips for making sure things go smoothly.

1. Bisexuality is actually a real thing.

Any gay man knows all too well that the process of coming out of the closet can be a complicated one to say the least. Lots of us even take that first baby step out into the open by telling people we’re actually bisexual as opposed to straight-up gay. Even so, it’s important not to simply assume every guy that says he’s bisexual is really just a gay man that isn’t ready to admit it yet.

Yes, there will always be gay people that use bisexuality as a sort of halfway house between here and there, but that doesn’t make true bisexuals any less real. For those people, bisexuality isn’t just a phase. It’s not just an experiment or something they’ll grow out of with time. It’s who they are and anyone that makes the decision to date them needs to accept that.

2. Bisexual people aren’t more promiscuous than anyone else.

Even in a day and age when folks are more open-minded than ever about gay sex and dating, the myth that bisexual people are somehow more promiscuous than the rest of us persists. For some, it’s hard to picture someone that likes having sex with both genders not missing whatever experience they’re not currently getting. Worries about possible cheating are common for that reason.

At the end of the day, being bi versus gay or straight has no bearing on whether or not someone is wired for monogamy or lasting commitment. Bisexual people are just as capable of being happy in loving, committed relationships with one person (or not) as any of the rest of us are. Make sure you’re listening to what the bi guy in your life is telling you about what he wants, as opposed to jumping to conclusions about him because of his sexuality.

3. Not everyone defines bisexuality the exact same way.

The more we learn about sexual orientation, the more we come to realize it’s more of a spectrum than it is a “black or white” issue. Understanding that becomes critical if you’re thinking about dating a bisexual man because chances are things are a lot more complicated for him than “I like boys and girls”.

The chances are pretty good that your guy actually defines his own bisexuality differently than you or another person might. One guy might be into men and women equally without any real preference toward one or the other. However, another might well feel the need to stress the fact that he’s dated more women than men (or vice versa) as a way to define who he is sexually. Be prepared for that and keep in mind that there’s no one right way to be bisexual. It really does vary from on bi to another.

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4. Respect is key, especially when it comes to his “out” status.

Yes, it’s 2018. Yes, you yourself might be out and proud as a gay man. However, it’s important not to assume that the bisexual guy in your life is also 100% out of the closet himself. It may seem like a non-issue to come out as bisexual, especially in comparison to coming out as gay, but rest assured that the bi person in your own life might not agree with you.

If you’re going to date a bisexual man, it’s important to respect his current “out” status. Lots of bi people might be out to their friends, but not their family or their colleagues at work. If that’s the case, he may not be able to be as open about the nature of his relationship with you around certain crowds as you might like. That may change at some point, but it also might not. Ultimately it’s up to him to decide when, how, and if he comes all the way out of the closet. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you can handle that.

5. There’s no need to get nervous over their porn preferences.

If you and the bisexual guy you’re dating are open about your tastes in porn, the day will eventually come when your guy’s preferences make it man watching porn on laptopabundantly clear that they’re also attracted to women. There’s no need to worry though. The fact that he’s turned on by the sight of beautiful women getting it on with guys (or with each other) isn’t a sign that he’s craving something you can’t give him and getting ready to go out looking for it.

At the end of the day, porn is about indulging your fantasies. We’ve all seen things depicted in porn that we’d totally do if given the chance, but there’s also plenty we’d actually be hesitant to try in real life no matter how fun it might be to watch. If you’ve got a good partner in your man, trust that he’d discuss the issue with you first if he ever did decide he wanted to indulge the other side of his sexuality.

6. Clear, honest communication is an absolute must.

Communication is important when it comes to any relationship, but even more so when you’re dating someone bisexual. It can definitely help prevent misunderstandings and keep insecurities at bay. That said, if you’re gay and your man is bi, you probably have some questions about their sexuality. Ask them, talk things out together, and continue to make communication a top priority going forward.

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gay men talking in bed

If you have an open relationship instead of a monogamous one, approach things from the same angle you would if you were dating another gay guy. Set clear-cut ground rules about what’s acceptable in your relationship and what’s not. Do your best to live by them and trust your partner to do the same.

7. People are going to ask you questions.

Gay or straight, when you’re dating a bisexual guy, other people that haven’t are going to be pretty curious. Some will just want to know what it’s like. Others may (wrongly) have concerns about your guy’s ability to be faithful because of long-standing prejudices against bi people. Still more people will just be plain intrusive because of curiosity that’s run away with them.

This will definitely become tiresome, but don’t let it get to either of you. All that really matters is that the two of you are happy and secure in your connection to one another. Feel free to gently put any over-curious acquaintances in line if they happen to overstep a boundary though. Your relationship really isn’t any of their business.

8. Bisexuals have feelings too.

Another common (and extremely untrue) misconception about bisexual people is that they somehow don’t get hurt as easily as the rest of us. Some people think it’s impossible for that to happen when the entire human population is a potential dating pool. There are plenty of fish in the sea, right? Others really do see commitment to one person as the only way to approach a relationship and believe bisexuals to be incapable of that.

The truth is bisexuals can crave love and commitment just as deeply as anyone else. They’re also very capable of falling in love, staying in love, and being devastated if a relationship they were really into doesn’t work out. No matter what the nature of your relationship to the bisexual man in your life, be sure to keep that in mind.

9. Bisexuality doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably heard a friend or an acquaintance insist they’d never date a bisexual person for any number of reasons. However, it’s important to understand that the difference between someone gay or straight and someone who’s bi isn’t one of those differences that actually should be a deal breaker (i.e. irreconcilable religious or political beliefs). It’s actually easily overcome with good communication and a solid understanding of what it does (and doesn’t) mean to be bi.

People have a tendency to assume that when a relationship between someone who’s bi and someone who’s not ends, bisexuality was the problem. In reality, that’s rarely the case. Such relationships end for the same reason others do. The two people wanted different things out of life, or grew apart, or were unable to overcome a challenge to their relationship. In other words, there’s really no good reason not to give it a try if the two of you like each other. What have you got to lose?

Rob West

Rob West

I worked with Matt to build several hookup apps for gay men, including Guyhop.

I've been in the scene for several years now. Eternally single until I find "him".

My background is in marketing and psychology, which gives me a unique perspective on the LGBTQ dating and hookup scene.