How to Be a Better Kisser: 9 Tips Every Gay Man Should Know

When you do it right, kissing is so much more than just something to partake in on your way to the main event. A great kiss makes your heart race. It helps get you primed and ready for everything else that might be soon to come. It’s also one of the best ways to establish intimacy and sexual closeness, especially when you’re looking to connect with someone new. If a guy is a great kisser, your toes curl just thinking about what else he might be just as good at.

A bad kisser, on the other hand, can turn a great date filled with chemistry into a living nightmare in a matter of seconds. In fact, roughly half of all people admit to having ended a date or even an entire relationship solely because the other person was just that bad of a kisser. So how can you make sure your kisses are making the impression you want your date to have? The following tips can help get you started in the right direction.

1. Take care of the details ahead of time.

Any world-class kisser can tell you that a great kiss is about more than technique. How much attention you pay to oral hygiene counts for a lot. If you know you could be more diligent in this arena, now’s the time to make it a top priority. Not only will your dentist be proud of you for actually brushing and flossing twice a day the way you already claim to, but your dates will definitely appreciate it.

Freshness is incredibly important too. Start by making sure you drink plenty of water on a regular basis. A dry mouth is often also a mouth that doesn’t smell (or taste) fresh and clean. Chapstick, mints, and breath freshening strips should also be par for the course, especially when you’re getting ready to go out on a gay date. Keep those things on you at all times so you’re always prepared to get kissing fresh at a moment’s notice.

2. Pay attention to body odor as well.

It should go without saying that you want to be mindful of how you smell when you’re out on a date, but you’d be surprised how many guys don’t pay as much attention as they should. Nothing spoils an otherwise great make-out session quite like catching a whiff of the other person’s B.O. It certainly doesn’t inspire you to want to take things any further.

That said, stock up on deodorant (or antiperspirant if you’re the sweaty type). Keep some extra in your glove compartment, your locker, or your desk at work so you can freshen up on the fly if you need. Body sprays can be nice as well, but make sure you stick to light options. If you’re already fresh as a daisy on a regular basis but just want to up your game, you can also try adding wearable pheromones to your repertoire to give you that little bit of extra edge.

3. Know how to identify the right moment.

So you’re prepared to get your kiss on should everything go well on your casual date. Now it’s time to start thinking about timing. There’s no easy way to identify the right moment for a kiss. It could come at any time, so let your instincts be your guide. Don’t rush things or try to make them happen before the other person’s ready.

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Definitely pay attention to the other person’s body language. There’s always the chance that he could be waiting for you to take the lead and if that’s the case, he’ll be giving off subtle cues that he’d like you to go for it. Again, don’t force things if it doesn’t feel right, but don’t leave him hanging for so long that he might start wondering if you’re even that into him either. When in total doubt, it never hurts to just ask before leaning in.

4. Talk with your eyes as you lean in.

Once you’re actually leaning in for a kiss, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to say anything with your actual mouth. However, your eyes can speak volumes and help you make the most of a potentially great kiss. Don’t be afraid to let them do exactly that.

Just don’t forget to bring things back a notch in this department once you’re actually in the middle of the kiss. First of all, it can be kind of off-putting to have your eyes flutter open during a kiss only to realize the other person’s been full-on staring at you the whole time. Also, taking sight out of the equation during a kiss can help you focus on details like how sensual it feels or how stimulating the sound of the other person’s breathing is. Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity to get into it on that level.

5. Be mindful of how your place your lips.

Forget what you’ve learned from those old black-and-white movies about kissing. People in those films tend to kiss by literally pressing their actual lips together and no one in real life really kisses like that (or wants to be kissed like that). Then again, those are actors, not actual lovers looking to inspire real passion in one another. two gay men kissing in bed

Instead, think of two pairs of lips that are about to kiss like two pieces of a puzzle that are made to fit together. When your top and bottom lips meet, quickly adjust by moving slightly up or down so as to fill the space between his lips with your own and take it from there. Lips that are allowed to fit together naturally in this way make for kisses that actually fan the flames of passion, not put them out.

6. Be aware of your tongue.

It’s just as important to pay attention to what your tongue is doing as it is your lips. Some tongue use is great and even desirable, but it’s like cologne on your body or seasoning on your food in that less is more. (Seriously, you do not want to be that guy that thinks he’s knocking someone’s socks off when he rams his tongue down their throat.)

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Start out slowly and subtly when it comes to tongue action. Then crank up the intensity once the kiss becomes more passionate and starts to evolve a little bit. Following the other person’s lead to some extent is also a good way to determine how much of your tongue they’d like to be acquainted with at this juncture.

7. Pay attention to the rhythm of each kiss.

Every kiss comes attached to its own natural rhythm. Some are fast, fervent, and passionate. Others are slow and sensual. The key to turning a good kiss into a great one is to become adept at finding and keeping pace with that rhythm. If the guy you’re dating kisses you and he’s trying to speed a kiss up or slow it down, follow his lead. Don’t match his pace 100% though. Let the kiss evolve naturally.

Also, kissing has a lot in common with sex in that it pays to be open and generous. Never be a selfish kisser that always expects the other person to follow their lead. Instead, work together to find a happy medium that gives you both what you actually want out of the experience.

8. Add body contact to the mix.

So let’s say you’ve successfully established a good connection and rhythm with your kiss that seems to be doing it for both of you. Now it’s time to take things to the next level and make the kiss even hotter by adding additional contact to the mix. Body contact helps get that adrenaline pumping and prepare the both of you for anything that might be coming next. two gay men kissing

Try touching or caressing his jaw as you kiss him. You can nibble or touch his neck, collar bone, or earlobes. Grabbing his hips or his belt buckle as a way to pull him in closer to you as you kiss is a great idea as well. Make sure you also respond to contact attempts he makes with you. Subtle, natural moves often work best and can totally make the difference between a good kiss and a great one.

9. Wrap things up with positive feedback.

Absolutely everyone feels a little nervous after even a really amazing kisser, even that gay hottie you’re sure must be nothing but confident. If you enjoyed the kiss, tell them so. Make them feel as good about it as you do. It’ll help put the brakes on the nerves and anticipation that come along with any first kissing session.

If they’re not such a good kisser, don’t lie and tell them that they are. Instead, use your own prowess to guide things in a different direction the next time the two of you lock lips (if there is indeed a next time). If they’re too intense about it, pull back a bit or slow things down. You could also try demonstrating an alternative technique that you really like in order to guide things in the right direction. Remember, follow your instincts. They rarely steer you wrong!

Rob West

Rob West

I worked with Matt to build several hookup apps for gay men, including Guyhop.

I've been in the scene for several years now. Eternally single until I find "him".

My background is in marketing and psychology, which gives me a unique perspective on the LGBTQ dating and hookup scene.