If monogamy has never really been a fit for you, then this is a truly great time to be alive. Although there are still plenty of people who prefer to take a traditional approach to their sex lives, men have always been into dating multiple women at once. It’s not hard to see why, either.
Dating more than one woman at a time lets you take care of your need for passion, variety, and novelty without constantly trying to think of ways to “spice things up” because you’re tired of making do with just one person. And keeping things more casual means you never have to choose between having a healthy sex life and keeping up with a busy work or social schedule.
But even though dating multiple women does add up to more freedom, there are still a few things to keep in mind if you really want to get the most out of the experience. Here are a few great examples.
Know your limits.
If you’re like a lot of guys eager to have multiple women on rotation at once, you’re probably thinking more is more, and that’s understandable. After all, what red-blooded man wouldn’t want constant access to as many hot women as possible? But it’s important to understand that even casual connections require time and at least minimal effort.
You have to keep track of what you talked about with each woman and where you took who. Plus, too much of any type of social connection in your life will eventually affect your ability to kill it at work and pursue other things you like to do in your spare time.
So, consider limiting things to two or three women at first, and seeing how that goes. Add more when and if you realize you’ve still got time to fill. Remember, you can always fill in any gaps with one-time hookups if you feel the need for a quick hit of something different.
Be strategic with calls and texts.
These days, most people simply assume you’re both seeing other people until you sit down together and decide otherwise. But it’s still super important not to lead people on and make them think things are going somewhere they’re not. One of the easiest ways to do this is to cut way back on calls and texts once you’ve started dating a particular woman.
Instead, let her call or text you when she wants to hook up. And even then, avoid being too available. Take your time to return messages and calls, and limit your get-togethers with any one woman to once a week. Otherwise, you might send a message that you’re after something deeper and more committed than you are. You also run the risk of developing deeper feelings yourself.
Be honest with each woman.
Although it’s great if the subject of not wanting anything serious comes up for discussion sooner rather than later, have a plan for how you’ll handle it whenever it does come up. Because if you still aren’t sending any signals that you’re after something serious after you’ve hooked up a handful of times, a woman will likely ask where things are going and whether you’re seeing anyone else.
Be mindful of her feelings, but also be honest. After all, there’s no reason not to be. You haven’t told her you want more, nor have you behaved in a way that would lead her on non-verbally. So just let her know that yes, you are dating other women because you’re not looking for anything serious right now.
If she asks where the specific relationship between her and you is going, just be honest again. Tell her you really like her and enjoy her company, but if she can’t handle the fact that you’re not looking for more, you totally respect that. And if she’s down to keep having the same kind of fun you’ve already been having, you’d really like that, too.
Compartmentalize your dating life.
Dating multiple women at once requires a very balanced approach to life, as well as how and where you spend your energy. Your main focus should be whatever it is you’re trying to do with your life on a larger scale and build for your own future, both professionally and personally.
When you’re dating around and keeping your sex life casual, the women you spend time with need to fit into whatever lifestyle you’ve already chosen for yourself, not the other way around. The best way to make sure that happens is to compartmentalize your sex life and keep it separate from the rest of what you’re doing.
Limit any non-sexual activity you do with your hookups to casual things like grabbing coffee or going for a walk. Don’t start hanging out with her friends and family or bringing her to hang out with yours, as that sends the wrong message.
And yes, it should be a given that responsibility includes using protection and avoiding any risky behavior, as no hookup is worth harming your sexual health or someone else’s. But that’s really not all we’re talking about here. Contrary to popular belief, having casual sex isn’t code for simply not caring about the people you sleep with or considering their feelings in any way.
Responsible casual sex enthusiasts are protective of their own freedoms, but they go out of their way to take care of the feelings of the people they date, too. So, while you should absolutely be honest with the women you sleep with, there’s no need to deliberately hurt anyone’s feelings. For instance, a woman doesn’t need to hear about all the little flaws that turn you off the idea of ever committing to her.
It’s important to consider whether what you want to say is as kind as it is honest. It’s also essential to keep things light and fun for both of you. After all, that’s what hooking up is all about.