Anyone with a mom has almost certainly been told “honesty is the best policy” a time or two in their life. And for the most part, that’s probably good advice, but sometimes things are just different when you’re dealing with women you’re dating (or hoping to date).
Most women (and people, in general, really) will say they don’t want to be lied to under any circumstances, but how true is that? Is it possible that there are situations where lying is actually the right thing to do? How can you tell the difference? And perhaps most importantly, can you still consider yourself an honest guy if you do tell the occasional lie? Is being too honest a bad thing?
Everyone tells little white lies.
Even the most honest, truthful person in the world isn’t perfect. No one tells the pure, unadulterated truth in every single situation, and that’s probably for the best. For instance, if a woman you’re dating asks if she looks fat in something, there’s really no reason to hurt her feelings by telling her yes, even if it’s the truth.
You start to get into stickier territory when you’re talking about little white lies you tell to avoid disappointing people or because you know the truth might make them irritated with you. For example, maybe you told your girlfriend you’d pay a bill or make a reservation for her, but then you forgot. So, when she asks you about it later, you lie and say you did it, hoping you won’t forget again tomorrow.
Or maybe you make up a whole elaborate story that shifts the blame to someone or something else entirely. Although lies like that still might not be life-changing, are they really still okay, or is it perhaps better to have told the truth? The difference is often in the intent – in whether you’re genuinely looking out for someone else’s feelings or simply want to avoid taking responsibility for a mistake.
It’s worth considering how often you lie.
Most men do like to think of themselves as honest, stand-up guys. So, if that’s the case for you, you might want to consider how often you actually lie to the women in your life, as well as how big the lies you tell are. What if you had to pay your girlfriend a dollar every time you lied to her? How much richer would she be at the end of a week, a month, or a year?
When most guys really stop to think about it, they actually lie quite a lot. And they likely even do it when there’s really no discernible reason to. It’s easy for lying to become a habit, especially if you grew up around people who lied a lot or otherwise didn’t value honesty. And if you’ve had many girlfriends or dates call you out on your lying, it’s almost certainly costing you the quality connections with women you want and deserve.
It’s possible to train yourself to do otherwise.
The great news is that if you’ve been trained to let lying be your default, you can train yourself to do the same thing with honesty. It just takes some time, self-awareness, and practice. Just deliberately choose honesty when it makes sense to do so.
No, you shouldn’t start telling your girlfriend she actually does look fat in those pants. But you probably should admit to forgetting to pay the bill or make the reservation, apologize, and tell her you’ll definitely do it tomorrow. And it should go without saying that you should stop blaming simple mistakes on other people or making up stories to cover things up when you’re afraid of looking bad.
There’s really no reason to lie to women anymore.
The days when you had to pretend to be a certain way or want certain things just to get women to date you or sleep with you are over. For instance, casual sex, open relationships, and other approaches to dating beyond the traditional are socially acceptable these days. And there are just as many women out there who prefer those approaches as there are men.
That said, there’s really no reason not to be honest. Yes, you should always be tactful as far as how you express yourself, but it’s always possible to do that while remaining honest. For example, there’s a huge difference between telling a woman you don’t want a long-term commitment with her because she has flaws A, B, and C that prevent you from feeling otherwise and simply saying you’re not looking for anything serious right now.
Tactful honesty is often the best policy when it comes to paying women complements, as well. For instance, while you should never force attention on a woman who doesn’t want it, there’s nothing wrong with telling a receptive woman that you’re sexually attracted to her. Just opt for “I think you’re sexy” instead of “nice ass” or “great tits”. It’s all in how you word things.
Honesty gets you pretty far with women.
As any modern man knows all too well, modern women no longer need to depend on men for things. They have plenty of options to choose from, including simply passing on men altogether and staying single. So, men who want to be hits with the ladies need to raise the bar, be good guys, and treat women the way they deserve to be treated if they’re serious about standing out.
Honesty is a big part of that, and that’s as it should be, because people deserve that respect. It’s also often easier to simply tell the truth, as even small lies often have a way of snowballing out of control and growing into bigger, more complicated lies over time. Plus, you’ll make a better impression on people of every type across every area of your life, women included.
In other words, no, you don’t have to be saintly honest to a fault. But honesty really is the best policy, in general, especially when it comes to managing relationships and dealing with the women in your life.