So it happened. You hooked up with someone last night. Maybe it was good and maybe it wasn’t, but it was pretty well understood that it was supposed to be a one-night kind of deal. Now what? If you exchanged cell numbers, you might feel like you ought to reach out the next day for the sake of politeness if nothing else, but what do you say?
These days, the communication mode of choice is typically text and with good reason. Texts are low-pressure. They don’t demand the person’s immediate attention the way a phone call does. They’re cool, they’re comfortable, and they’re appropriately casual, so it’s definitely OK to send one to someone you hooked up with. What you say in the text depends on what you want from that person next, if anything.
When You’re Done
Maybe the sex was absolutely awful, and you know you do not want to see the person again for that reason. Maybe it was a really good time, but you’re just not into the idea of repeating the experience for reasons of your own. A text can help tie up that loose end and eliminate any possibility that the person will be left hanging. Be honest but clear with one of the following options.
- “Thanks, it was great meeting you.” This one’s polite and courteous, but it also makes it crystal clear that you’re not really planning on seeing the person again. You can also pointedly thank them for the one-night stand if you want to leave absolutely zero room for ambiguity.
- “Thanks, I had a good time, but I’m not interested in anything serious.” This is a great way to nip situations in the bud when you don’t want to see someone again, but you’re concerned that they don’t feel the same way. Most people will appreciate your honesty and courtesy, but if this person doesn’t, you don’t owe them anything further. Say your peace and be done with it.
When You’d Like a Repeat
Even if you’re not interested in anything serious, it’s hardly uncommon to make a connection with someone over a one-night stand regardless. When that happens, it’s normal to want to see the person again, but how do you make that clear without being super creepy and overbearing about it? Try texting the person one of these.
- “Thanks for last night. We should get together again sometime.” If you’re really interested in getting together for round two, why not just say so? If they feel the same way, they’ll respond with enthusiasm. If not, at least you know you gave it a real shot instead of wasting time making small talk and dropping hints. You can also just ask them if they want to come over if you want to see them sooner rather than later.
- “I can’t stop thinking about the other night.” Feel free to customize this with something specific that set your evening or the sex you had apart. Maybe you guys split a really stellar bottle of wine together. Maybe you had the hottest sex ever because you experimented with roleplay. What you focus on is up to you. Just make it something you’re sure you both thoroughly enjoyed to remind them of how well you connected.
When You’re on the Fence
Of course sometimes you hook up and have no earthly idea what you want next. Maybe you’re open to seeing the person again. Maybe you’re not. You haven’t decided yet, but you want to keep the option open just in case. Try shooting them one of the following.
- “Thanks again for the sex / the head / the ride.” You can word this one however you want, but the important thing is to keep it breezy, fun, and nonchalant. It shows you had a good time and you liked them without being expectant at all. (Feel free to throw a couple of well-chosen emoji in there for good measure if the mood strikes.)
- “I had a blast last night. Is it cool if we keep it casual?” Again, sometimes being up front and honest is the simplest, most effective way to go. Texting something like this lets the person know where you stand on things. You had fun, but you’re not really sure what you want to do next. Either that’s OK with them or it’s not, but either way, you made yourself clear. Anyway, here’s a more comprehensive guide to having great casual sex!
Just as important as what to text a one-night stand is knowing what not to text. First of all, don’t play games. Don’t lead the person on or try to make them think you want something you don’t (or don’t want something you do). Don’t intentionally leave something of yours at their place or otherwise make up an excuse to see them again. Don’t apologize for having a one-night stand by assuring the person that you “never do that” either (even if you really don’t). You’re a sexually empowered adult, so act with honesty and integrity. It’s never the wrong decision.