Having sex for the first time is a significant rite of passage in any person’s life, but it plays out a little differently for everyone. For some people, it’s great and totally memorable. For others, it’s awkward or even a little embarrassing. For still more folks, it’s all of the above plus a whole bunch of other things. People even have their own definitions of what even counts as sex, especially if they’re not cisgender or heterosexual.
However, one notion about having sex for the first time that never seems to go away is that your first time has to be with someone you love deeply. There’s especially a lot of emphasis on waiting for the “right” person to come along before you can start exploring that part of who you are for that reason, but… should there be?
As society becomes more open-minded about how a person might decide to manage their sex life, it only makes sense to wonder why that same open-mindedness shouldn’t extend to people getting ready to have sex for the first time, as well. So, is casual sex a healthy, appropriate choice for virgins? And if it is, what should a virgin know about the world of casual sex before taking the plunge? Is it even a good idea to plan on losing your virginity through casual sex on a hookup app like Tinder?
Losing your virginity is an important decision…
… but the not the way old-fashioned society would have you believe it is. Having sex for the first time or the fifty-thousandth calls for a responsible attitude toward what you’re doing.
To begin with, you need to take care of your sexual health and take precautions against STIs and unplanned pregnancy. You also need to conduct yourself with integrity, communicate honestly, and act with consent. Sexually responsible people look out for the emotional and physical well-being of everyone they have sex with, casually or otherwise.
But those priorities aren’t any more difficult for a virgin to grasp than they would be for someone who’s been around the block countless times. Society places so much hype around the idea of losing your virginity, sometimes even describing it as one of the most important things you’ll ever do in your life.
However, while it is important, it doesn’t have to mean absolutely everything. As long as you approach it responsibly, there’s no right or wrong way to have sex for the first time. You can make a big deal out of it or no deal at all. Some people wind up glad they waited to do it with someone they loved, but just as many people opted for a more casual approach and were happy about that.
People know what’s right for them.
Although nearly everyone hears differing opinions about how a person should lose their virginity when they’re still preparing for that themselves, most people already know what’s right for them. Not everyone’s cut out for committed relationships or is going to be ready for one at the same time they’re ready to start having sex.
Some people prefer the idea of a more open, casual take on things, and that’s OK, too. Many people who identify as polyamorous or otherwise ultimately decide that a non-traditional dating life is best for them say they always knew that about themselves on some level. So if you like the idea of losing your virginity more casually, there’s no real reason why you shouldn’t do that. Plenty of people make that choice and feel great about it.
No decision’s set in stone.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking the choice you make for your first lay is something you have to stick with forever after. Like most people, you’ll probably go through lots of different changes throughout your life as a sexual being. Many go through casual phases, committed phases, and every phase in between. Then they start all over again.
In fact, you don’t have to commit to any particular sexual decision at all if you decide it’s not for you. You’re even allowed to be into a particular idea at one point but then decide it’s not the right one for you after all at the last minute. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, nor should it be. You don’t owe anyone sex and vice versa.
Are there benefits to losing your virginity casually?
So, yes, it’s a perfectly acceptable decision to have sex for the first time within a casual context. And if it’s the right choice for someone specific, they likely already know it on some gut level. But is there a possibility that doing things the casual way might actually come with benefits?
It takes the pressure off.
If someone waits to have sex with someone they’re madly in love with (or at least passionate about), there’s a certain amount of pressure that comes with that. They feel like everything needs to be perfect from start to finish, and real sex just isn’t always like that. Many people like the way taking a casual approach removes some of that pressure, leaving room for the experience to just be what it wants to be.
It leaves room to get to know yourself sexually.
Becoming sexually active is a lot like starting to date in the first place. When you’re brand new to something, you might have an inkling of what you’re into. But you won’t really know for sure until you’re out there having experiences. Taking a less serious (but responsible) approach to sex, in the beginning, can give people room to find themselves sexually.
Of course, no one should ever compromise their personal beliefs when it comes to their sexual and romantic life. But it’s essential to be true to yourself and make personal decisions according to what’s really right for you. So, if you like the idea of just diving in and going for it when it comes to your first lay, especially if you’re making that leap a little later in life, there’s no reason not to go for it.