Have you ever felt like you were drowning when it came to understanding women? If you’re reading this article, chances are that’s exactly how you feel.
Well I’m going to save you a ton of time, from reading bloated books about understanding women to Googling all night “how to pick up women in bars,” by breaking it down into 10 very simple rules.
I was once in the same position as you. It seemed like beautiful women were everywhere, yet I had no idea how to approach them or make them mine. While luck may work occasionally, I wanted to improve my odds and learn more about the opposite sex.
Not content with remaining ignorant, I made a decision to teach myself everything there was to know about women.
One night at a nightclub changed everything for me. After hours of fruitless searching for a girl, I noticed some guys who seemed to have figured out what worked when it came to attracting the opposite sex.
After questioning dozens of men and hundreds of women over the years, I’ve distilled my findings into 10 simple rules for meeting AND keeping girls.
The two main obstacles standing between men and women are fear of rejection and male ignorance.
Fear inhibits most men from approaching someone they find attractive while ignorance keeps them from understanding what women want or respond well to.
Do any of these situations sound familiar? You head out with some friends expecting a great night out but end up getting drunk without making any connections whatsoever with the good-looking singles surrounding you.
You’re left feeling hungover and disappointed as usual while wondering how other guys seem to have all the luck when it comes to dating.
The secret isn’t necessarily good looks – although those certainly don’t hurt – but rather confidence and strength of personality that can be learned through experience.
That’s why I’ve compiled 10 rules for meeting and winning women that will ultimately help build your confidence until it becomes a habit you engage in without even realizing it.
Rule #1: Improve Your Confidence
Confidence is an attractive quality that women find irresistible. It gives them a sense of security and comfort that satisfies their romantic and sexual desires.
However, building confidence takes time and practice. It is a skill that can’t be learned by just standing around with your male friends. The only way to gain experience with women is to go out and have experiences.
Don’t approach women with the mindset of “picking them up.” It is a one-way street to failure.
Instead, set yourself a goal, like talking to ten girls in a night. They don’t have to be the most beautiful or attractive girls, but it is important to socialize with strangers to learn how to approach women.
It can be uncomfortable to approach women, but it is a skill that can be learned. It takes time and effort to leave your comfort zone to put yourself out there. Along the way, you will make mistakes, but that is how you learn.
By committing yourself to speak to ten girls you don’t know, you can acquire experience and learn to handle yourself better. This will ultimately improve your confidence, style, and ability to socialize with strangers. If you follow this advice, you will be better off than 80% of other guys out there.
Rule #2: Don’t Stress Over the Perfect Opening Line
When it comes to approaching women, it’s easy to get bogged down in the idea that you need some kind of amazing opening line to capture her attention. The truth is, most of these so-called “foolproof” lines are anything but.
You don’t want to insult her intelligence or come across like a player who’s trying to get into her pants.
Instead, your goal should be to lower her guard and make her feel comfortable talking to you.
The easiest way to do this is to simply observe and comment on something that’s happening around you. For example, if the room is hot and you notice her wiping her forehead, you could say something like “It’s pretty warm in here, isn’t it?”
If you overhear her talking about a movie she liked, you could say “Hey, I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about that movie. I saw it last week and loved it too.”
These kinds of opening lines are simple, natural, and non-threatening. They allow you to establish a rapport with her, without coming on too strong or making her feel like she’s being hit on. And if you can’t come up with anything to comment on, a simple greeting like “Hi, are you having a good time tonight?” can still go a long way.
Remember, the goal of your opening line isn’t to impress her with how witty or smooth you are. It’s simply to start a conversation and get her comfortable talking to you. Keep it simple, be genuine, and you’ll make a good first impression.
Rule #3: You’ve Started a Conversation. Keep it Going.
Approaching a woman is one thing, but how do you keep the conversation going? It’s essential to keep in mind that you don’t have to be a comedian to keep someone interested.
Relax and have a regular chat. It’s just that simple. Once you’re both comfortable, the conversation will become more natural.
Keep things light and try to make her laugh whenever possible. Avoid topics that are serious or too heavy.
Your primary objective should be to have fun and engage in a relaxed conversation. Your ultimate goal is to show that you’re someone she will enjoy being around.
Try to learn more about her – her job, background, interests, and experiences. This information is the fuel of conversation.
However, avoid interrogating her with too many pointed questions. Instead, ask her to expand on subjects that arise naturally in the conversation.
If the conversation is going well, don’t interrupt it. Good conversation is a great foundation for a relationship, so let it flow.
Guys sometimes cut off a productive, intimate conversation too soon out of impatience or nervousness. Avoid making this mistake. Interrupting a solid conversation too soon could lead to losing your chance at building a strong connection.
Rule #4: Don’t Say Anything Dumb
It’s natural to feel anxious and under pressure while trying to keep a conversation flowing, but that’s exactly when you might blurt out something unwise.
You don’t need to be told not to say something ridiculous, but it’s surprisingly easy to do if you’re not careful.
Imagine yourself chatting with someone you don’t know, and suddenly there’s a long, uncomfortable pause in the conversation. She’s staring at you, and you’re feeling the pressure to say something smart. However, instead of coming up with something clever, you might end up saying something ridiculous.
Before you know it, some strange thought that was floating around in your head is now coming out of your mouth. “Do you know that beer gives me gas?” or “I used to smoke, but it makes you smell bad. I’m not saying you smell bad, uh…” or “You look like my ex-wife before she got a nose job. But you still look great. Why would anyone get a nose job?”
You’re in trouble, my friend. Unless she’s forgiving or in a good mood, she’ll probably avoid having a conversation with you.
What’s the solution to this problem? Don’t be afraid of pauses in conversation.
It’s better to stay silent than to utter one of the above-mentioned statements. The real solution is to learn the techniques of starting a conversation again smoothly. And how can you achieve that? By talking to lots of people, especially females.
The more conversations you have, the more skilled you’ll become. In reality, it’s not a difficult task. There’s always something to comment on or talk about.
For instance, in a bar, there are hundreds of things that you could key off during conversation gaps. “Do you see those three girls over there? Who do you think looks the worst?” or “What do you think of the artwork in this place? That one looks like an old doormat in a picture frame” or “Look at that guy, he’s so drunk that he can hardly walk.”
Now the conversation is flowing again. You can relax, breath and don’t say anything foolish.
Rule #5: Never Put Yourself Down
One important rule to keep in mind is to never put yourself down. It might seem like common sense, but it’s amazing how often people do it.
We should all avoid this negative behavior. If you catch yourself doing it, make a conscious effort to stop.
For instance, saying something like “I’m not good-looking, so you might say no, but do you want to dance?” is a surefire way to turn someone off. This behavior stems from a lack of self-confidence, which can be a real turnoff. If you are secure and confident, you won’t need to put yourself down.
It’s also important to avoid negative comments about yourself, even if they are meant to explain something away. For example, if you say that you’re “not very good at meeting new people” to explain why your joke fell flat, you’re only making yourself look weak and unattractive.
Additionally, comments like these can make the other person feel uncomfortable and uneasy. It’s better to move past any awkward moments without highlighting your flaws.
If you have weaknesses, it’s better to let the other person discover them on their own. Your goal should be to make the other person feel comfortable around you and to sell yourself. Keep your self-doubt to yourself and focus on your positive qualities. You’ll be much more attractive that way.
Rule #6: You Have to Sell Yourself
Remember that in dating, you are like a salesperson. Your goal is to sell yourself to the other person. You need to make a good impression and win them over.
Think of it like a job interview, except this time, the other person may be more skeptical or negative towards you.
This is because as women they have likely been approached by many people who are either socially awkward or overly confident. Your task is to prove to them that you are not like those people. You need to show them that you are friendly, interesting, and someone worth getting to know.
Stay focused on your purpose. Your aim is not just to keep the conversation going or to entertain them with your jokes or dance moves. These things only matter if they help you achieve your real objective – which is to make them interested in you.
Your priority should be to create some romantic chemistry between the two of you. You can talk, laugh, and dance all night long, but if you forget that you are there to promote yourself and create a spark, it will all be for nothing.
Rule #7: Avoid Negativity
It’s important to keep in mind that the woman you’re talking to is most likely trying to have a good time.
She might have had a rough day at work or be dealing with other problems. Regardless of their nature, everyone has difficulties, and when they go out for the night, they want to forget about those issues.
If your attitude and comments are negative, you won’t make much of an impression.
For example, if you say things like, “These drinks are terrible. They’re totally ripping us off,” or “It’s so hot in here. Can’t they turn on the air conditioning?” or “This band is awful. Why did they hire these guys?” or “That jerk keeps bumping into me. I’m going to punch him in the face.” – it’s not going to work. Believe it or not, women don’t find complaining and whining attractive. In fact, it could be an “anti-aphrodisiac.”
It’s okay to make a few negative comments here and there, but be careful because a little bit goes a long way. If she starts to notice a pattern, then you’re in trouble.
Rule #8: Don’t Let Your Guard Down
Remember, you’re essentially marketing yourself. It’s easy to get too comfortable and start blurting out foolish things after a few drinks and some positive feedback from a girl.
Picture this: you’re at a bar, and a beautiful, sophisticated lady catches your attention. You’ve been chatting for a bit, and things are going well. Suddenly, she inquires, “So, do you come here often?” Without hesitation, you reply, “Absolutely! I’ve been unemployed for the last nine months, so I spend a lot of time here. I wouldn’t be able to afford it if I wasn’t living with my parents.” You might as well say goodbye to her because she’ll be walking away from you in no time.
It’s crucial to remain alert to avoid saying anything foolish.
A woman who does not know you is quietly evaluating your worthiness.
She’s keeping a mental tally of your pros and cons as you converse with her and display your behavior. Accumulate too many cons, and you’re done for. Be vigilant, stay on the ball, and don’t slack off when it comes to putting your best foot forward.
Rule #9: Be Unique
When trying to impress someone, avoid using clichés or phrases that have been overused to death.
If you resort to such unoriginal tactics, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to catch their attention. Instead, use your own personality to distinguish yourself from the crowd. Be unique, and show them that you’re worth their time.
For example, giving a compliment is a great way to start a conversation. However, if you’re not careful, your compliments could backfire. If you’re going to compliment someone, make sure it’s sincere and meaningful.
Saying something like, “You have beautiful hair” is not going to make you stand out from the competition.
Instead, take note of what makes the person special and comment on that. Maybe you like the way they laugh or think they have a unique sense of humor. Whatever it is, use that knowledge to your advantage.
To avoid being commonplace, pay attention to what’s going on around you. Look for signs that something is overdone or starting to annoy people.
If you’re hearing the same jokes or catchphrases over and over, it’s time to move on. Be creative and original in your approach to women, and you’ll be much more likely to make a lasting impression.
Ultimately, the key to avoiding boredom is to be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and don’t rely on tired old tactics to impress people.
If you’re genuine and authentic, you’ll find that others are drawn to you naturally. So be confident, be unique, and don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd.
Rule #10: The Power of Eye Contact and a Smile
I saved the most important for last.
Approaching a woman you don’t know can be nerve-wracking for many guys. When faced with such a situation, it is not uncommon to avoid eye contact.
But this habit of skittish eye contact can develop into something more permanent, meaning you may not even realize how little you look someone in the eye anymore.
A lack of eye contact can make you appear nervous and shy- not the image of confidence you want to portray.
If she feels uncomfortable because of your nervousness, she may lose interest quickly.
However, having proper eye contact can say a lot about your self-confidence and strength as an individual. Make sure to find a balance between staring and short breaks so that the other person isn’t uncomfortable or feels threatened.
Moreover, it is equally important to smile as it helps break the ice and makes her feel at ease in your company. Even though internal stress can make it difficult for some people to smile genuinely, remember always to let your expressions show that you’re glad to be speaking with her.
Developing these habits will take practice but eventually become second nature with time.