Flirting. Ah, the age-old art of courtship. The delicate dance of batting eyelashes and coy smiles. The silent language of seduction.
For centuries, people have been trying to figure out the secret to successful flirting. What is it that makes some people so good at it, while others flounder? Is it an innate talent? Or is there a science to it?
As it turns out, there is a psychology to flirting – and understanding it can help you up your game.
It’s really quite simple, it’s all about sending and receiving nonverbal cues. These cues can be anything from eye contact to body language to verbal cues.
When you’re flirting with someone, you’re basically trying to communicate interest and attraction. And you do this by sending out certain signals – both verbal and nonverbal.
Of course, it’s not just about what YOU do – it’s also about how the other person responds. If they respond positively to your signals (by mirroring your body language, for instance, or responding positively to your teasing), then you know you’re on the right track.
First, The Science
Flirting is a bit of an art form, and just like any other art form, there is a certain science behind it. When it comes to flirting with women, understanding this science can give you a major advantage.
For starters, let’s look at what happens to a woman’s brain when she is being flirtatious. When a woman is flirting, her brain releases a chemical called oxytocin. Oxytocin is sometimes referred to as the “cuddle hormone” or the “love hormone” because it promotes bonding and attachment. In other words, when a woman’s brain is flooded with oxytocin, she is more likely to feel close to the person she is flirting with.
Interestingly, oxytocin also has some effects on the body. Specifically, it can cause a woman’s pupils to dilate and her heart rate to increase. So if you want to know if a woman is really into you, pay attention to her pupils. If they’re dilated, it’s a good sign that she’s feeling some serious attraction.
A chemical called dopamine in also being released into their brain when being flirted with. This chemical is associated with pleasure and desire, and it’s what helps to create that initial spark of attraction.
Of course, flirting isn’t just about making a woman’s brain release different chemicals. It’s also about sending the right signals with your body language and your words.
The Power of a Compliment
“I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.”
“Your smile is absolutely radiant.”
“You have a very pleasant way of speaking.”
“You dress very stylishly.”
“You are an excellent listener.”
The art of flirting with women is a delicate one. If done successfully, it can result in butterflies in the stomach, weak knees, and heart palpitations. One of the best ways to get started is by giving her a compliment.
According to recent studies, the single most important thing you can do when flirting with a woman is to give her a compliment. That’s right, just tell her she looks nice, she’s smart, or she has a great sense of humor.
Of course, there are a few caveats. The compliment should be genuine and specific. Telling her she’s gorgeous will probably just make her think you’re trying to butter her up for something.
And try to avoid backhanded compliments like, “Wow, you don’t look nearly as tired as I would if I had to wake up at 6am every day.”
The most important thing is to just be yourself and make sure your compliments come from a place of genuine admiration. If you can do that, you’ll be well on your way to successfully flirting with the fairer sex.
It’s All In the Eyes
Most people know that eye contact is important for flirting, but why? Eye contact occurs when two people look at each other’s eyes at the same time. It is the primary way we establish connection with others.
When we engage in eye contact, we are silently communicating our interest and attraction to the other person. Our eyes can also convey tons of other nonverbal messages, such as affection, amusement, challenge, confidence, and more.
Good eye contact is essential for flirting because it lets the other person know that you’re interested in them. Plus, it’s a way to gauge their interest in you as well. If they hold your gaze and smile back, then you know you’re on the right track.
However, if they immediately look away or seem uncomfortable, then you might want to back off. The last thing you want to do is make someone feel uncomfortable or creep them out by staring at them too long.
Generally speaking, you should maintain eye contact for 50% of the time when talking to someone. This lets them know you’re engaged in the conversation and also gives them a chance to break eye contact and look away occasionally.
So next time you’re out flirting with someone, make sure to keep those eyes locked!
The Art of Body Language
Most guys think that they can read a girl’s body language like a book. They get all the tells wrong. Here’s how to flirt with a girl by reading her body language:
When a girl is interested in you, she’ll start playing with her hair. She might twirl it around her fingers or make sure that it’s perfectly in place. This is an unconscious way of trying to look more attractive to you.
If a girl is into you, she’ll also mirror your body language. So if you’re leaning in, she’ll lean in too. If you cross your legs, she’ll do the same. This means that she’s subconsciously trying to make herself more like you because she wants you to like her back.
Another way to tell if a girl is interested in you is through eye contact. If she’s constantly making eye contact and smiling, it means that she’s interested and wants to keep the conversation going. On the other hand, if she’s averting her gaze or looking anywhere but at you, it means that she’s not interested and you should move on.
The last thing to pay attention to is touch. If a girl is touching your arm or shoulder while talking to you, it means that she’s comfortable with you and is physically attracted to you.
Make Her laugh
Humor is one of the most important ingredients when it comes to flirting with a woman. Women love men who can make them laugh, so if you can crack a few jokes and put a smile on her face, you’re well on your way to winning her over. Here are a few tips on how to use humor to your advantage:
- Pay attention to her sense of humor. What makes her laugh? Is she witty and sarcastic, or does she enjoy more lighthearted humor? Once you know what type of humor she enjoys, you can use it to your advantage.
- Use self-deprecating humor. Making fun of yourself is a great way to show that you’re comfortable in your own skin and that you don’t take yourself too seriously.
- Be spontaneous. The best jokes are often the ones that are spontaneous and off-the-cuff. If you can keep your sense of humor fresh and unpredictable, she’ll be sure to appreciate it.
- Don’t be afraid to push the envelope. If you’re worried about offending her, you’re probably not going to be very funny. Sometimes the best jokes are the ones that toe the line of acceptability. Just be sure not to cross it.
Touch But Don’t Taste
Flirting is all about creating a mutual connection with someone you’re attracted to. And while there are many different ways to flirt, touches can play an important role in establishing that connection.
But it’s important to know how and when to touch someone you’re flirting with, as too much or too little touch can send the wrong message. Here are a few tips on successfully flirting with a woman through touch:
- Make sure the touch is consensual. This is probably the most important rule when it comes to touching someone you’re flirting with. You don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable or violated, so always ask before you touch them. A simple “Can I offer you a hug?” or “Would you mind if I held your hand?” will do the trick.
- Start slow and see how she responds. Once you’ve established that the touch is consensual, start slow and see how she responds. If she’s receptive to your touches, then you can gradually increase the intensity and duration of your touches. But if she starts to pull away or seems uncomfortable, back off immediately.
- Pay attention to her body language. In addition to verbal cues, pay attention to her body language as well. If she’s leaning into you or returning your touches, then she’s probably enjoying the physical contact. But if she’s stiffening up or pulling away, then she’s likely not enjoying it and you should back off.
- Touch her in appropriate places. Where you touch her is also important. Avoid touching her in places that are too personal or intimate, like her chest or inner thighs. Stick to more innocuous areas like her arms, hands, shoulders, or lower back.
- Don’t overdo it. Once you’ve found a good rhythm with your touching, don’t overdo it. Too much touch can be overwhelming and off-putting, so stick to a moderate amount. A few seconds of contact is usually sufficient.
The Use of Innuendos
When it comes to flirting with a woman, there’s nothing quite like the power of sexual innuendos. If used correctly, these subtle references to sex can be an incredibly effective way to turn up the heat and get her thinking about you in a very naughty way.
Of course, as with anything else, there is a bit of an art to using sexual innuendos effectively. If you go too heavy-handed with them, you’ll just end up sounding crass and sleazy. But if you use them sparingly and with a touch of humor, they can be the perfect way to add a little extra spice to your flirting.
Here are a few tips for using sexual innuendos to flirt with a woman:
- Use them sparingly. As we mentioned above, if you overdo it with the sexual innuendos, you’ll just come off as sleazy. So use them sparingly and only when the situation warrants it.
- Make sure they’re clever. Sexual innuendos work best when they’re clever and subtle. If your references are too blatant or obvious, they’ll just fall flat.
- Use them with a touch of humor. This is key! Sexual innuendos are all about playful teasing, so make sure your delivery is light and good-natured. No need to get overly serious or aggressive with them.
- Pay attention to her reaction. This will be your best indicator of whether or not your sexual innuendos are landing well. If she starts laughing and reciprocating your banter, you’re on the right track! But if she seems uncomfortable or uninterested, it’s time to dial things back a bit.
The Don’ts of Flirting
When it comes to flirting with a woman, there are some definite dos and don’ts. If you want to make a good impression and score a date, avoid making these common mistakes.
- Don’t be clingy
Nothing is more off-putting than a man who is too clingy. If you’re constantly texting, calling, or showing up uninvited, you’re going to scare her off. Give her some space and let her come to you.
- Don’t be creepy
There’s a fine line between being flirtatious and being creepy. If you cross that line, you’re going to lose your chance with her. Avoid making lewd comments or staring at her inappropriately. Let her know you’re interested without making her feel uncomfortable.
- Don’t be too forward
There’s nothing wrong with being confident but don’t come on too strong. If you try to move too fast, she’ll feel like you’re just trying to get into her pants. Take things slow and let the relationship develop naturally.
- Don’t be needy
Neediness is another major turn-off for women. If you seem desperate or like you can’t live without her, she’s going to run in the other direction. Be confident in yourself and don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
- Don’t be a slob
This should go without saying but unfortunately, many guys make this mistake. If you want to impress a woman, take pride in your appearance and groom yourself properly. Dress well, practice good hygiene, and make an effort to look your best.
So there you have it! You are now a master at flirting like a pro. Drive her wild with your new skills and enjoy the results. Remember, practice makes perfect so keep at it.
And if you get rejected, don’t take it too personally – just keep trying and eventually you’ll find someone who appreciates your amazing flirting skills!