The Beginner’s Guide to Being a Cooler Guy

How to be cool? It’s what every guy ponders at least once it their life. There are lots of reasons an average guy would want to be, feel, and become cooler. After all, it’s not a coincidence that the cool guys seem to have it the best in life. They’re the ones turning heads at work, getting the awesome raises and promotions they know they deserve. Cool guys are the ones with tons of friends who are out there getting all the girls, too.

In other words, cool guys have more choices in life. They’re the guys who are out there actually living their dreams and making the world their oyster instead of simply sitting at home, daydreaming, and wishing things were different.

That said, you don’t necessarily need to be born a cool guy to reap the benefits coolness brings to the table. You can learn what you need to know with enough patience, practice, and know-how. Here’s a crash course in how you can get started.

What does it really mean to be cool?

Cool is a term people hear a lot, but very few of them really understand what it means – one reason why true coolness is such an elusive thing to cultivate. Really, it’s a catch-all term to describe someone who’s nailed the art of social intelligence and gets along well with nearly everyone because of that fact.

Think of at least one other guy you know who qualifies as “cool” in your book, and ask yourself some specifics about what that guy’s like. He’s probably the kind of person who never seems rattled or nervous. He’s comfortable pretty much anywhere and around anyone. He’s easy to get along with and popular everywhere, from work to his personal circle of friends.

It’s not about being so handsome they could pass for a Calvin Klein model or being rich enough to buy all the right clothes, accessories, and cars. Because while those things are advantages to guys who have them, coolness is about something else – an attitude that comes through in everything a guy does, says, and thinks.

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Understand you already have what it takes.

Cool guys don’t walk into a room or a new situation hoping other people will like them or perceive them as cool. It’s simply not something they think about, because it’s not where their focus is. Their own coolness is something they take completely for granted – something they already are, as opposed to something they’re hoping to be seen as by others.

So, if that’s not how you think of yourself, it’s time to do some serious work on your confidence. And if you struggle with your social skills or with the art of making fluid, easy conversation with others, you’ll want to work on those things, too. Once you do, confidence tends to take care of itself.

Focus on living your best life.

It’s not an accident that cool guys always seem to be the ones kicking butt and taking names when it comes to every aspect of being alive. Those men have made a deliberate choice to live their best lives. They care about living up to their true potential and will accept no substitutes. They know there’s a wonderful life out there just waiting to be built, and they’re on a mission to claim it.

That said, the coolest thing you can do isn’t over-focusing on your looks, thinking that if you can just get buff enough or handsome enough, people will move over and make room for you out there in the world. It’s dreaming big, setting big goals, and being determined to realize your ambitions.

Be beneficial to others, not detrimental.

Whether they’re aware of it or not, all people evaluate others based on whether they think knowing that person will add something to their lives, as opposed to costing them something. This is especially the case when it comes to evaluating potential sexual or romantic partners. So if people aren’t drawn in your direction – particularly women you might want to date or take to bed – it’s likely because they perceive you as someone who comes with costs instead of benefits.

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No grown adult is so special and worthy that other people won’t have a problem with carrying that person through life. Worthwhile people who are going places want to be around others who are doing the same – people who will make their lives even better than they would have been were that new person not around.

Work on developing traits that attract others.

Confidence is so essential to what people think of as coolness because it sends the right signals to onlookers. Remember, people are drawn to doers, winners, and other folks who are there to bring something to the table rather than take away. Someone’s being nervous, anxious, or painfully shy doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not a winner or a doer. But it’s enough to make others around them wonder.

So, work on cultivating traits that draw others in your direction. Be proactive and assertive. Don’t wait for people to offer you what you want in life. Ask for it, but do so in a warm, friendly, socially astute way. Look others in the eye when you talk to them. Make them feel heard, inspired, and empowered. Create a space for yourself out there in the world, and move into it. But make sure others know they’re welcome to join you there if they like.

Ultimately, cool guys aren’t just guys who can walk into the room and be either liked or envied by every single person there. They’re people who make others around them feel good – good about being around them and good about being themselves. Everyone wants to be around someone who makes them feel good about being them, and cool guys have that down to a science.

So, how to be cool? Whether you’re looking to attract women, get laid more often, get ahead at work, or something else entirely, get started by working on your attitude and general outlook on life. When you put out a vibe that says you’re an unstoppable, positive force, others can’t help but see you as cool.

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