Is My Girlfriend A Pillow Princess? What That Means and What You Can Do About It

What is a Pillow Princess?

A pillow princess or pillow queen is a woman who likes to receive sexual pleasure but doesn’t necessarily like to give it. It’s a lot like having sex with a blow up doll (not to say that I’ve ever done that sort of thing…)

In other words, she’s all about ME, ME, ME.

Other names for a pillow princess include:

  • Sexual starfish
  • Self-centered lover
  • One-way street
  • Lazy lover

Why do people call her a pillow princess? Well, because she’s often more comfortable being on her back during sex (like a princess would be), and she tends to just lie there and let her partner do all the work.

Some people see being a pillow princess as a bad thing. They think that women should be more giving and selfless in bed, and that the pillow princess is just being lazy.

Others, however, see it as a good thing. They think that it’s okay for women to want to receive pleasure, and that there’s nothing wrong with being a little bit selfish in bed.

However, for most, if your partner is constantly taking and never giving, it can be a real turn-off.

These types of women are typically more submissive in bed, and they often enjoy being dominated by their partners. If you’re looking for a more submissive and passive partner, then a pillow princess might be the perfect match for you.

2. The Psychology of a Pillow Princess

So, what’s the psychology behind being a pillow princess?

There are a few different theories…

Theory #1: She’s Lazy

Let’s be honest, sometimes sex is just plain old hard work. It takes effort and energy to please your partner and sometimes, we just don’t feel like it.

If your girlfriend is a pillow princess, it could be that she’s just too lazy to put in the work. She’d rather lay back and let you do all the heavy lifting.

Theory #2: She’s Insecure

Another possibility is that your partner is insecure about her sexual skills. She’s afraid that if she tries to take charge, she’ll make a mistake and it will all go wrong.

So, instead of taking the risk, she’d rather just let you do all the work and be the “star” of the show.

Theory #3: She’s A People Pleaser

Some people are natural people pleasers. They get their self-worth from making others happy and they’ll do whatever it takes to keep the peace.

If your girlfriend is a people pleaser, it could be that she’s just trying to make you happy by letting you have your way in the bedroom.

Theory #4: She’s Inexperienced

If your partner is inexperienced, it could be that she’s not sure what to do or she’s afraid of doing it wrong.

Instead of taking the initiative, she’s happy to let you lead the way and show her what to do.

Theory #5: She’s Shy

Shyness can also be a factor. If your partner is shy, she may not feel comfortable taking charge in the bedroom.

She may be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, so she’s happy to let you take the lead.

Theory #6: She’s Just Not That Into You

This one is a tough pill to swallow, but how your partner acts in the bedroom can say a lot about your relationship in general.

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If you’re having hot, passionate sex where both partners are active and really enjoying themselves, that’s a great sign.

If it’s more one-sided, it may not mean anything but it’s best to look at your relationship as a whole and see if anything seems off.

How to Know if She’s a Pillow Princess

There are a few key signs that can help you determine if your girlfriend is a pillow princess. Here are the most common ones:

1. She Never Moves When Having Sex

If your girlfriend is completely inert during sex, like you’re having sex with a doll, it’s likely that she’s a pillow princess.

A woman who enjoys sex will typically be quite active, moving her hips, moaning, and even taking control from time to time.

If your girlfriend just lies there, then it’s likely you’ve got yourself a “starfish”.

2. She’s Always on Her Back

Another telltale sign of a pillow princess is the fact that she always wants to have sex in the same position – on her back, typically in the missionary position.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is a bit of a red flag if it’s the only position she’ll allow you to do.

Unless of course, she has some kind of physical ailment that might prevent her from trying different positions.

A woman who truly enjoys sex (with you) will want to try different positions and experiment a bit.

If your girlfriend is only ever interested in doing it the same way, it’s likely because she’s more concerned with her own pleasure than yours.

3. She Never Initiates Sex

A woman who’s truly interested in having an enjoyable sexual relationship will usually be the one to initiate sex. If your girlfriend never makes the first move, it’s likely because she doesn’t really care about sex all that much.

She’s happy to let you take the lead and doesn’t really see it as something she needs to actively participate in.

This could be a sign of theory #6 that we mentioned before. She just might not be that into you. Sorry.

4. She Doesn’t Really Get into It

When you’re having sex, does your girlfriend really seem to be into it? Or does she just go through the motions without really getting into the moment?

If it’s the latter, it’s likely because she’s not really enjoying herself. A woman who’s truly pleasuring herself will be quite vocal and active during sex.

If she’s quiet and doesn’t move, she may just be a pillow princess.

5. She’s Not Interested in Going Down on You

A big indicator that your girlfriend is a pillow princess is if she’s not interested in performing oral sex on you.

This can be a pretty clear-cut sign, as it’s highly unlikely that she’s simply “not in the mood” for it every single time you want to get intimate.

If your girlfriend never wants to go down on you, it’s likely because she’s not that interested in giving pleasure. And that’s a definite sign that she’s a pillow princess.

6. She’s Not Interested in Your Pleasure

A surefire sign that your girlfriend is a pillow princess is if she simply doesn’t seem interested in giving you pleasure.

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This can manifest itself in a few different ways. But basically, if she never makes any effort to please you during sex, whether it be through oral sex, foreplay, penetration or even kissing, even though she’s clearly enjoying herself, then she’s definitely a pillow princess.

How To Turn a Pillow Princess into A Sexual Goddess

A pillow princess is typically a woman who loves to be on the receiving end of sexual pleasure, but isn’t so keen on giving it. If your lady is a pillow princess, don’t despair! There are ways to turn her into a sexual goddess.

Here are some tips:

Talk To Her About Her Fantasies

Chances are, your girlfriend has some hidden sexual fantasies. Talk to her about what she fantasizes about and see if you can make her dreams a reality.

Get Her Some Sexy Lingerie

Something about slipping into some sexy lingerie can make any woman feel like a goddess. Help your girlfriend pick out some naughty underthings and watch her transform before your eyes.

Take Things Slow

Sometimes, all it takes to turn a pillow princess into a sexual goddess is to take things slow. When you’re getting hot and heavy, go slow and let her savor every moment. She’ll be putty in your hands in no time.

Be Confident

Confidence is incredibly sexy. If you exude confidence in the bedroom, your girlfriend will be more likely to let loose and enjoy herself.

Talk Dirty to Her

Dirty talk can be a major turn-on for many women. If your girlfriend is a pillow princess, try talking dirty to her during sex. It might just be the thing that takes her over the edge.

Try Buying Her a Toy as A Surprise Gift

If your girlfriend is a pillow princess, she might need a little help getting off. Buy her a vibrator or another type of sex toy as a surprise gift. She’ll be thrilled, and you might just get to reap the benefits. Our personal recommendation is:

  • Vibrating panties – These are perfect for a shy girl, especially if you want them to really feel “naughty” without removing any clothing. And the fact that these can be used outside of the bedroom is a huge plus.

Be Patient

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a sexual goddess. Be patient with your girlfriend and let her come out of her shell at her own pace. She’ll thank you for it in the end.

Final Thoughts

So your girlfriend is a pillow princess. That’s ok. It’s not the end of the world, as long as it doesn’t signify other problems in your relationship.

If she’s happy being a pillow princess and you’re happy with her being a pillow princess, then there’s no issue. Some people just like to be lazy and enjoy being waited on hand and foot. And that’s totally fine.

However, if your girlfriend is indeed a pillow princess and it’s causing problems in your relationship, then it’s time to have a talk with her about it.

Be open and honest with her about your needs and desires. With communication, you can figure out what the underlying problem is and hopefully find a solution that works for both of you.


Matt Manes

Matt Manes

I am the original creator of the Mixxxer hookup app which became one of the most popular hookup services on the web.

Over the years, I've observed and learned a great deal about what works and what doesn't when it comes to dating and hooking up online.

While most guys learn through trial and error, I learned through analyzing the data from the millions of Mixxxer members we catered too.