There’s no denying that performance anxiety is a very real phenomenon that affects a large number of men.
For some men, the mere thought of sexual performance can trigger a fierce rush of anxiety that can totally ruin the experience.
Performance anxiety is one of the most common sexual problems that men face.
But the good news is that there are ways to overcome performance anxiety and enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
What is performance anxiety?
At its core, performance anxiety is a form of anxiety that can occur in individuals who are anticipating or performing in a situation where they are expected to do something they deem important or scrutinized.
This type of anxiety can lead to feelings of nervousness, overwhelming worry, and self-doubt.
Individuals with performance anxiety may worry about negative evaluation from others, or about not being able to meet their own standards. This can often result in avoidance of the situation or activity altogether.
In some cases, however, such avoidance is not possible, and individuals must face their performance anxiety head-on.
When this happens, it is important to have some tools and strategies in place to manage the anxiety and improve the performance.
What is Sexual Performance Anxiety?
There are a number of things that can contribute to sexual performance anxiety in men. Some men may feel pressured to live up to societal expectations of masculinity, which can include having a strong sexual appetite and being able to perform sexually.
For some men, there may be a fear of not being able to get an erection, or of losing an erection during sex. This can be particularly distressing for men who have experienced erectile dysfunction in the past.
Other men may worry about ejaculating too soon, or not being able to control when they ejaculate. This can lead to anxiety about sexual performance and can make sex less enjoyable.
How common is performance anxiety?
A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that performance anxiety is quite common, affecting up to one in three men.
The good news is that there are things you can do to overcome it.
What are the symptoms of performance anxiety in men?
Symptoms of performance anxiety in men can vary, but may include feeling nervous or anxious about sexual performance, avoiding sexual situations, or difficulties achieving or sustaining an erection.
In some cases, performance anxiety can lead to erectile dysfunction.
According to Michael L. Metz, PhD, co-author of The New Sex Bible, “Men with performance anxiety feel like they have to take things to the next level sexually to please their partner or themselves…and they can’t always do that.” This can result in feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and anxiety.
Another expert, Dr. Harold Litt, MD, FRCPC, adds that “men with performance anxiety may also experience rapid heartbeat, sweating, and difficulty breathing.”
These physical symptoms can compound the psychological effects of performance anxiety, making it even more difficult to manage.
The root cause of sexual performance anxiety is often psychological
The root cause of this anxiety is often psychological, as men may feel pressure to live up to societal expectations or please their partner.
This pressure can lead to nerves and anxiety during sex, which can in turn lead to sexual dysfunction.
Sexual performance anxiety can be caused by a variety of factors
Performance anxiety is one of the most common causes of sexual dysfunction in men. It can be caused by a variety of factors, including stress, anxiety, and relationship problems.
Sexual performance anxiety can be a vicious cycle.
When you’re anxious about your sexual performance, it can lead to difficulties achieving or maintaining an erection. This can then lead to even more anxiety and performance anxiety.
Sexual performance anxiety can cause other problems
It’s no secret that sexual performance anxiety can lead to erectile dysfunction and other sexual issues.
And while it’s easy to joke about “performance anxiety” being in your head, the truth is, it can be a very real and serious problem.
For men, sexual performance anxiety can be incredibly debilitating. It can cause erectile dysfunction, anxiety, and even depression.
You Are Not Alone
Sexual performance anxiety is something that affects a lot of men. It can be a very tough thing to deal with, and it’s often hard to talk about. But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone.
There are a lot of other guys out there who are struggling with the same thing.
How To Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety
It’s not uncommon for men to feel anxious about their sexual performance. After all, sex is often seen as a measure of one’s masculinity and prowess.
If you’re worried about how you’ll stack up against your partner’s expectations, here’s a few things to remember.
- Remember that your partner is likely to be just as nervous as you are. Communicate with them about your concerns and let them know that you’re both in this together.
- Focus on the pleasure you’re both experiencing, rather than on the end goal of orgasm. Enjoy the journey and let go of the pressure to perform.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously. Sex is supposed to be fun, so relax and let yourself go.
Here are several more tips that will help you with your performance anxiety:
1. There’s no one “right” way to have sex
Different people like different things. Some people like to be in control, while others prefer to let their partner take the lead.
There’s no wrong way to enjoy yourself, as long as you and your partner are both comfortable and enjoying yourselves.
If you’re worried about your performance, relax! There’s no such thing as a perfect performance.
As long as you’re being honest, communicating with your partner, and enjoying yourselves, you’re doing it right.
2. Be mindful. Focus on the present moment and enjoying the sensations
It’s pretty simple, really. When it comes to sexual performance, just be present.
Be in the moment, and savor the sensations.
And if you’re worried about how you’ll measure up, just remember that it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.
So relax, and enjoy the ride.
3. Stop watching porn
If you’re a guy who’s struggling with sexual performance anxiety, one of the best things you can do is stop watching porn.
That’s because porn can give you unrealistic expectations about sex, and it can also train your brain to become more aroused by visual stimuli than by real-life human interaction.
Plus, watching porn can lead to feeling guilty or ashamed, which can further fuel sexual performance anxiety.
So if you’re serious about overcoming sexual performance anxiety, cut out the porn and focus on enjoying sex with a real-life partner.
4. Talk to your partner about your anxiety
Talk to your partner about your anxiety. Explain what you’re feeling and why it’s a problem. Chances are, your partner will be understanding and sympathetic. They may even be able to offer some helpful advice.
In addition, try to be as open and honest as possible during sex. If you’re feeling anxious, say so. Don’t try to power through it or pretend everything is fine when it’s not.
Communicating with your partner will help them understand what you’re going through and make sex more enjoyable for both of you.
5. Get rid of any distractions before sex
It’s important to get rid of any distractions before sex. This means putting away your phone, turning off the TV, and anything else that might take your focus away from the task at hand.
Once you’re in the moment, it’s also important to focus on your breathing. Taking deep, slow breaths will help you relax and focus on the sensations you’re feeling.
And lastly, don’t forget to have fun! Sex should be enjoyable for both you and your partner, so make sure to enjoy yourself and let go of any stress or anxiety you may be feeling.
6. Let go of any thoughts about the future or the past
Just be in the moment. And breathe. Don’t forget to breathe. Proper breathing can help you relax and focus.
If you start to feel anxious, close your eyes and focus on your breath. Focus on the present, no the past or the future.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to have sex. Just enjoy yourself and your partner.
7. Focus on your breathing and relax your body
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. As you exhale, picture all of your stress and anxiety leaving your body.
Focus on relaxing each muscle group, starting with your toes and working your way up to your head.
Take your time and don’t rush the process.
Now that you’re in a relaxed state, it’s time to focus on your sexual performance. Visualization is key, so visualize yourself having amazing sex.
8. Take things slow at first and gradually build up to a more intense level
It is important to take things slow at first. This means that you should not try to go for the home run right away. Instead, focus on foreplay!
This is often one of the most important parts of sex, yet it is often overlooked. Spend some time kissing, touching, and teasing your partner before moving on to the main event. This will help to get you both in the mood and make sex more enjoyable.
If you do start to feel anxious, try to focus on the physical sensations that you are feeling. Focus on pleasuring your partner is ways that don’t involve sex.
Remember, your tongue and fingers are excellent sex toys as well!
9. Visualize yourself as a confident and sexually successful person
If you’re anxious about your sexual performance, it’s time to change your mindset. Start by visualizing yourself as a confident and sexually successful person.
See yourself as someone who knows what they’re doing and enjoys pleasurable and satisfying sexual encounters.
Once you have a positive image of yourself, it’ll be much easier to relax and enjoy sexual intimacy.
Remember, everyone experiences performance anxiety at some point. The key is to not let it ruin the moment or cause you to doubt yourself. Instead, use it as motivation.
10 Talk to a therapist if your anxiety is severe
And finally, if your anxiety around sex is severe, it might be time to talk to a therapist. No shame in that. We all have our issues and sometimes we need help working through them.
Now, granted, sex performance anxiety might not seem like a big deal compared to other anxieties out there. But it can be a real drag on your life if it’s constantly weighing on you.
So if you’re feeling like you can’t shake this thing, get some help. It’s not weakness to seek out therapy.
In fact, it might be the strongest thing you can do.
And you may also benefit from medication, which can help to ease anxiety and improve sexual function. Talk to your doctor or therapist about what options may be best for you.
