The Top 3 Truths About Hooking Up Online: What I Learned Running an Adult Dating Site

You’re feeling the itch. The urge that every red-blooded man has felt since the beginning of time. You want to have sex with multiple women in a way that’s casual and fun, without all the hassle and complications of traditional dating.

But let’s face it, the world is different now. We can’t just go out to bars and clubs like we used to.

The pandemic has changed everything, forcing us to adapt or be left behind.

So what’s a guy to do? Simple: embrace technology.

Now before you balk at the idea of hooking up with women online, let me tell you something: there is no shame in it anymore. In fact, it’s become so common that you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn’t at least tried it once.

And yet… some still resist. Why? Ego.

It’s natural to shy away from rejection or failure. By not even trying, we avoid the risk of getting hurt and damaging our self-esteem. It’s a convenient excuse that allows us to preserve our ego intact.

But here’s the thing: if you want to maximize your options and increase your chances of success, you need to cast a wide net. And online dating is one of the best ways to do that.

Of course, there are unspoken rules and expectations when it comes to online dating. But don’t worry – once you get past those initial hurdles, you’ll realize that it can be a lot of fun (and potentially very rewarding).

So go ahead – sign up for Ashley Madison or Tinder or whatever hookup platform tickles your fancy. Own your vulnerability and embrace the possibility of failure… because that’s where growth comes from.

And while you’re doing that, consider these 3 simple truths I discovered in my time as a CEO of an online hookup site.

Hooking Up Online Truth #1: All Men Are Creeps Until Proven Otherwise

The first and foremost concern for women is their safety and wellbeing when it comes to online dating.

In today’s fast-paced world, where hooking up with strangers is just a swipe away, every woman wants to feel comfortable and secure while interacting with someone online.

Apps like Tinder have gained massive popularity because they allow women to connect with people within their friend circle or at least someone who is known to their friends. This creates an implicit level of trust that removes the fear of connecting with a potential “creep” or “stranger danger.”

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However, not all dating apps are the same, and for those who are not networked, such as Ashley Madison or AFF, it becomes more challenging to gain the trust of women.

As a complete stranger, you automatically fall into the “crazy felon” category until proven otherwise.

In such situations, it is imperative to make the woman feel comfortable and safe through your approach. Overly aggressive behavior is a straight no-no, and one should always err on the side of non-aggressiveness.

Have a dick pic as your main profile image? Probably not the best idea. If you just can’t help yourself, at least check out our guide how to take a good dick pic.

So, if you want to meet a woman online, don’t ask her to meet in an abandoned warehouse or indulge in behavior that could scare her off. Trust us; it’s not going to work in your favor!

Here’s a list of simple things you can do to help get out of the “creep category:”

  1. Be honest and upfront about your intentions.
  2. Avoid using overly sexual or explicit language in your profile or messages.
  3. Respect boundaries and consent.
  4. Be respectful in your approach and avoid aggressive behavior.
  5. Avoid pressuring or coercing women into anything they’re not comfortable with.
  6. Build a rapport and get to know the person before meeting up in person.
  7. Be open to discussing concerns or fears the other person may have.
  8. Consider sharing more personal details or social media profiles to build trust.
  9. Meet in a public place for the first time to ensure safety.
  10. Follow up after the hookup to make sure the person is okay and comfortable.

Hooking Up Online Truth #2: Women Are the Hottest Commodity

If you’re a woman, chances are you’re being bombarded with messages and profile views left and right.

On a daily basis, most ladies receive about 40 to 60 profile views and a whopping 10 to 30 unsolicited messages. If you’re considered to be a catch, brace yourself for even more attention.

Now, let’s take a moment to compare this to the male experience. If a gentleman receives 10 profile views and just one unsolicited message a day, he’s doing pretty well for himself.

It’s easy to see how overwhelming it can be for women to filter through all the messages (and dick pics!) they receive daily. In fact, for many ladies, it’s simply not feasible.

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As a result, they resort to dismissing messages for even the slightest excuse, often without realizing it. Here’s what goes through a woman’s mind while sifting through her jam-packed inbox:

  • Image quality is poor? Delete.
  • Dick pic? Delete.
  • Blurry profile photo? Delete.
  • Grammatical errors galore? Delete.
  • Lame joke? Delete.
  • No common interests? Delete.
  • Weird or confusing username? Delete.
  • Generic profile? Delete.


This is exactly why optimizing your online profile is a must. Women have a lot going on online, so it’s essential to make yourself stand out while simultaneously avoiding that dreaded auto-delete pile.

Hooking Up Online Truth #3: It’s All About Numbers

Hooking up isn’t just about charm, it’s a numbers game. And in today’s digital age, men must be prepared to up their game when it comes to online dating.

Even the most attractive men must keep their expectations in check when it comes to the pickiness of women.

Take Ashley Madison, for example. The hookup site has made no secret of the fact that males get replies at rates averaging around 10-20%. So, if you’re hitting 30-40%, you’re doing pretty damn well. And if you’re getting a reply rate of 50% or above, you’re a true rockstar.

Of course, you can optimize your profile and help you become an online hookup pro. But, at the end of the day, rejection is inevitable.

Don’t take it personally – these women are simply judging your profile and your ability to play the game. It could be:

  • A small part of your personality that didn’t pique their curiosity
  • Their shallow and superficial preferences (like only wanting to date men six feet or taller)
  • Or reasons unrelated to you, like the woman becoming serious with someone else.


And let’s not forget, some women won’t even read your message. With a deactivation rate of 5-10%, and the sheer volume of messages women receive, it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle.

But it’s super important to not give up hope. With a lot of practice, you’ll develop the mental toughness to brush off rejection and achieve your sexual goals.

Matt Manes

Matt Manes

I am the original creator of the Mixxxer hookup app which became one of the most popular hookup services on the web.

Over the years, I've observed and learned a great deal about what works and what doesn't when it comes to dating and hooking up online.

While most guys learn through trial and error, I learned through analyzing the data from the millions of Mixxxer members we catered too.

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