We all know the type: the guy who’s just a little too assertive, always trying to one-up the other guys, and always talking about how great he is with women.
He’s the kind of guy who would never dream of treating a woman with anything but the utmost respect – unless she’s not interested in him, in which case he’ll try to steamroll right over her.
If you’re looking to be more assertive without becoming that guy, here’s are a few tips that might help.
Assertive vs. Aggressive: There’s a Difference
Men are often told that they need to be more assertive when it comes to women. But what does that really mean? And how can you be assertive without being aggressive?
- What is assertiveness? Assertiveness is being confident and direct in your communication. It’s about being able to express your needs and wants in a way that is respectful of others.
- What is aggression? Aggression is any behavior that is intended to harm or control another person. It can be physical, verbal, or emotional. How can you tell the difference between assertiveness and aggression?
Aggression is about pushing your agenda on others, often without regard for their feelings or needs.
Assertiveness is about speaking your truth in a way that is calm, confident, and respectful.
When it comes to assertiveness vs. aggression, there is a fine line. But it’s important to be aware of the difference so you can make sure you’re communicating in a way that is respectful and effective.
The Asshole Test: How To Tell If You’re An Asshole
- Do you like to hear yourself talk?
- Do you find yourself constantly interrupting others, especially women?
- Do you tend to speak over others, or talk over them? Do you enjoy mansplaining?
- Do you like to steamroll conversations and make them all about you? Do you like to one-up others, or belittle their accomplishments?
- Do you find yourself making assumptions about what she wants or needs instead of simply asking her what she wants?
If you answered yes to any of the above, congratulations! You’re an asshole!
Now, you might be thinking, “But I’m not really an asshole, I just have a strong personality!” To that we say, please see the definition of asshole.
The Case For Assertiveness
We all know the stereotype of the meek, mild-mannered man. He’s the one who always lets the more assertive woman take the lead, both in and out of the bedroom.
And while there’s nothing wrong with being a gentleman, sometimes a little assertiveness can go a long way.
Here’s the case for being assertive with women:
- It shows you’re confident – Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it.
- Assertiveness shows that you’re secure in yourself and your abilities, and that you’re not afraid to put yourself out there.
- It shows you’re not a doormat. Women don’t want a man who they can walk all over. They want a partner who they can respect and who will respect them in return. By being assertive, you’re showing her that you’re not going to put up with any BS – and that’s a very attractive quality.
- It can make things happen. In this world, nothing is given to you – you have to go out and get it. And if you want something to happen with a woman, sometimes you have to be the one to make it happen. Assertiveness shows that you’re not afraid to take charge and make things happen, which is a very attractive quality indeed.
Examples of Assertiveness in Everyday Life
When a man is assertive towards a woman, it can come across as being domineering or even rude. However, assertiveness is simply about expressing oneself confidently and firmly, without being aggressive.
So, in reality, being assertive is a way of showing respect. Here are some everyday examples of assertiveness in action:
- When a man holds open a door for a woman, he is being assertive. He is confident enough to take charge and be in control of the situation.
- If a man offers to help a woman with her groceries, he is being assertive. He is offering his assistance without being asked, and showing that he is happy to be helpful.
- If a man goes out of his way to hold a woman’s hand or help her with her coat, he is being assertive. He is again demonstrating his confidence, as well as his desire to care for her.
Essentially, assertiveness is about taking charge and being in control, without being pushy or aggressive. It is a way of showing respect and consideration for others.
So, next time you’re unsure whether you’re being too assertive, just ask yourself if you’re being respectful and considerate. If the answer is yes, then you’re on the right track!
Why Do Some Men Have a Hard Time Being Assertive
Why is it that some men have such a hard time being assertive around women? Well, the truth is, it’s often because they’re afraid of rejection.
They don’t want to put themselves out there, only to have the object of their affection shoot them down. It’s a understandable fear, to be sure. No one wants to feel like they’re not good enough.
But the fact of the matter is, if you don’t take that leap of faith, you’ll never know what could have been.
So, next time you’re feeling tongue-tied around that special someone, take a deep breath and go for it. Who knows, they just might feel the same way about you.
How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection & Become More Assertive
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there – whether you’re asking a girl on a date or going for that promotion at work. We all have a fear of rejection, but it’s important to face your fears head on.
The more assertive you are, the more confident you will become. Here are some tips on how to overcome the fear of rejection and become more assertive:
- Believe in yourself: The first step is to believe in yourself. If you don’t think you’re good enough, then chances are you won’t be. Remember that everyone has their own unique talents and qualities. You deserve to be confident in yourself and your abilities.
- Visualize success: Visualize yourself achieving your goal. See yourself getting the girl’s number or getting that promotion. It may seem silly, but visualization can be very powerful. It will help you stay focused and positive.
- Take baby steps: If you’re feeling scared or overwhelmed, take things one step at a time. Just focus on the task at hand and don’t think about the future. The more you do this, the more confident you will become.
- Be prepared: If you’re going into a situation where there is a possibility of rejection, it’s important to be prepared. Think about what you’re going to say or do ahead of time. This will help you stay calm and focused if things don’t go as planned.
- Don’t take it personally: Remember that rejection is not a reflection of who you are as a person. It’s just a part of life. If you get rejected, don’t take it to heart. Just keep trying and eventually you will achieve your goal.
How to be Assertive: Tips and Exercises
In order to be more assertive towards women, men need to learn how to speak up for themselves and express their wants and needs in a clear and concise manner.
Below are some tips and exercises to help men become more assertive:
- Make sure that your body language is confident and relaxed.
Exercise: The next time you’re talking to a woman, make sure to keep your body language open and confident. Avoid crossing your arms or legs, and make sure to maintain eye contact. - Be direct when communicating with women.
Exercise: The next time you’re speaking to a woman, try to be as direct as possible in your communication. Don’t beat around the bush or try to be unclear in what you’re saying. - Use a strong and clear voice when speaking to women.
Exercise: The next time you’re talking to a woman, pay attention to the volume and clarity of your voice. Avoid speaking in a soft or timid voice, and instead speak with conviction and confidence. - Don’t be afraid to say what you want.
Exercise: The next time you’re around a woman, try to be assertive in what you want. If you want her phone number, ask for it. If you want to kiss her, go for it. Don’t be afraid to make your desires known. - Be mindful of your words and actions.
Exercise: The next time you’re interacting with a woman, pay attention to your words and actions. Make sure that they are respectful and not demeaning in any way. Also, avoid saying or doing anything that could be interpreted as sexual harassment.
By following these tips and exercises, men will be well on their way to being more assertive towards women. assertiveness is key in creating and maintaining healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
Men and Assertiveness: The Bottom Line
Some people may think that being assertive can often be seen as being domineering and even abusive.
The bottom line is that assertiveness is only helpful if it is done in the right way and at the right time. If a man is too assertive, it can come across as overwhelming and even threatening.
On the other hand, if a man is not assertive enough, he may come across as weak and ineffective.
The key is to find the right balance. Assertiveness is a quality that can help men get what they want in life, but it is important to use it in the right way.
