A Simple Guide For Writing Online Dating Messages That Get Responses

In this piece, I’m going to teach you how to master the art of crafting online dating messages that are one-of-a-kind and actually get a response, so you can at least get your foot in the door before you screw the next part up… Just kidding.

Now, you might think that sending a message is easy-peasy lemon-squeezy – just like talking to someone at a bar. You walk up, flash ’em a smile and say something like “can I buy you a drink?” or “nice shoes – you come here often?”

But hold up. That’s obviously doesn’t work online.

Your first message is key. It has to be short but also stand out from the other twenty online dating messages she gets on the daily.

Sure, in person it’s no big deal to find common ground with someone based on the location your in, their appearance, what they’re doing, etc… but trying that approach online? Might as well be throwing your message into oblivion.

To make things simple, I have a few simple rules I always follow when messaging a girl:

  1. Being funny is mandatory. Laughter is essential.
  2. No copying and pasting allowed, folks. That’s just lazy. And she’ll spot it from a mile away!
  3. Don’t grill her like it’s a job interview with tedious questions. Less is more, so no more than 1 question mark in your first message.
  4. Don’t get too hung up on her looks. One compliment max, and don’t make it about her physical appearance.
  5. Actually…hands off the looks topic entirely!
  6. Avoid putting her atop a pedestal – she’s just a person like the rest of us. The key is to not overvalue her.

Bonus Tip

Here’s a little secret that’ll give you an edge over the competition: avoid “the flood.” Most guys flood her inbox come Sunday and Monday in hopes of scoring a date for the weekend ahead.

But guess what? That’s when every other schlub is messaging too!

To stand out from the crowd, send your online dating message before “the flood” (Saturday afternoon) or after it (Tuesday night).

Our 6 Steps to Crafting the Perfect Message

Writing the perfect dating message to a girl online should be easy, natural, and genuine. Don’t be fake. It’s too easy to spot. Here’s my 6 easy tips on how to write a message that will get responses:

1. Read her profile

Take a deep breath and read the whole damn profile. I mean every last word. Don’t just skim the pictures, you savage. You need to know this woman inside and out before you even think about crafting a message.

2. Look for hooks

Find those hooks, those little details that she’s thrown in there. You know what I’m talking about – something that catches your eye, something that makes her unique. Use those hooks to your advantage.

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A hook could be anything from a comment in her profile to a photo that you think is interesting. Examples of hooks are things like shared interests, an unusual experience she may have had, a funny joke she said in her profile, or even a funny picture that caught your eye.

3. Get Personal

Now it’s time to get personal. Think about how you can relate to those hooks on a deeper level. What experiences have you had that are similar? What opinions do you share? What stories do you have

And for god’s sake, don’t go for the obvious hooks like her username or her hair color unless you’ve got something truly mind-blowing up your sleeve.

4. Time to Write

Craft a statement or question that begs for a response while injecting some humor and lightheartedness into it. This is where things get tricky.

You need to show her that you’re interested but not desperate, funny but not clownish, charming but not sleazy.

5. Ask a Question

If you’re feeling bold, throw in another statement or question related to the same hook or a different one. But be careful – sometimes less is more.

6. Just Hit Send

Put it all together and hit send without looking back.

Don’t explain why you messaged her, don’t be formal or wordy, just hit send and hope for the best.

Remember – this isn’t about winning her heart with one message (unless you’re some kind of wizard). It’s about getting a positive reply so you can start building some momentum.

Example Hooks & Messages

Let’s imagine you found the girl of your dreams you’re itching to send an online dating message. This will help us illustrate how to put my plan into action.

You scan her profile and mentally note 10 hooks, though not all girls have this many, but, for this example, she’s got a nice variety of hooks that are common in most profiles.

I’ll show you how I used each hook to make it personal and unique to us.

Also, here’s a few quick tips on how to make this easier:

  1. Humor always works.
  2. Find something you have in common.
  3. Refer to her profile as much as possible.
  4. Ask an interesting question.
  5. Keep it brief and concise.
  6. Use positive language.

Now let’s move on to our example dream girl.

Dream girl says she:

  1. May prefer the comfort of home
  2. A connoisseur of fine cuisine
  3. The epitome of compassion, a nurse
  4. Hails from the beautiful state of Idaho
  5. Head over heels for her furry companion, Ray
  6. Preparing to conquer a 10k run
  7. Melts to the sweet sounds of country music
  8. Captured a moment in front of a breathtaking waterfall
  9. Showcased her musical prowess on a grand piano in a concert hall
  10. A lover of the sport of tennis
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Example responses:

  1. “I totally get it, home is where the sweatpants are. Let’s build a fort and never leave.”
  2. “They say food is the way to the heart, so how about I treat you to a five-course meal cooked by yours truly?”
  3. “Nursing is all about caring for others, but who’s taking care of you? Can I be your personal nurse?”
  4. “Idaho may be known for its potatoes, but you’re the real gem of the state.”
  5. “Ray’s adorable, but I’ll make sure to steal some attention away from him when we go on a date.”
  6. “10k run? Pfft, that’s easy. Let me know when you conquer a marathon and we’ll celebrate with pizza and beer.”
  7. “I may not know all the words to country songs, but I’m willing to learn if it means seeing that sweet smile of yours.”
  8. “If that waterfall is breathtaking in person, then seeing you in front of it must have been out of this world.”
  9. “A grand piano in a concert hall? You’re basically a rockstar in my eyes now.”
  10. “Tennis is great and all, but have you ever played with someone who loves making puns as much as they love winning?”

Examples of Messages You Should Never Send

Sometimes the easiest way to learn is from examples you should never follow. So here’s a few examples of online dating messages that I GUARANTEE will never get a response. Unless she’s a hooker or a scammer.

  1. “Hey, you’re hot. Want to hook up tonight?” – This is not only disrespectful but also shows that you’re only interested in a physical relationship rather than getting to know the person.
  2. “Do you have any nudes?” – This is inappropriate and disrespectful, and can make the girl feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
  3. “You seem like a good girl, do you want to be my girlfriend?” – This comes off as desperate and presumptuous. It’s important to build a connection before making any assumptions or expectations.
  4. “I don’t usually message girls first, but I couldn’t resist your profile.” – This may seem like a compliment at first, but it shows that you lack confidence and originality in your approach.
  5. “Can I have your number? I don’t really use this app.” – This can make the girl feel uneasy about giving out personal information too soon, and also suggests that you’re not serious about using the dating app for its intended purposes.

Final Thoughts

When it comes to sparking up conversations with the ladies online, it’s all about keeping things light and playful. Sprinkle in some witty anecdotes and add some of your own unique hooks.

Trust me, it’s not rocket science. With a little bit of creativity and a whole lot of charm, you’ll have the ladies eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.

Matt Manes

Matt Manes

I am the original creator of the Mixxxer hookup app which became one of the most popular hookup services on the web.

Over the years, I've observed and learned a great deal about what works and what doesn't when it comes to dating and hooking up online.

While most guys learn through trial and error, I learned through analyzing the data from the millions of Mixxxer members we catered too.