Do you find yourself climaxing sooner than you and your partner would like? Do you always seem to end the fun too early?
If so, you’re not alone – premature ejaculation is surprisingly common. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s something you have to put up with. There are plenty of ways to make sex last longer, so you can keep your partner satisfied and avoid that disappointed look.
And on the bright side, having premature ejaculation issues may make you a better lover due to the fact that you develop better skills in oral sex and foreplay. These are 2 skills that will definitely make you more adept at pleasuring your partner.
If you’re wondering whether you might have premature ejaculation, there’s no hard and fast rule to diagnose it.
However, Dr. Annie Patterson, a sex therapist working in Dallas, says that if you’re consistently ejaculating within one minute of penetration, find it impossible to delay ejaculation, or avoiding sexual intimacy altogether due to frustration, it may be worth seeing a doctor for a diagnosis.
Despite what many men may believe, premature ejaculation is actually a treatable condition. If you’re struggling with finishing too soon, Patterson says there are ways to increase your endurance.
“Most men who report this difficulty are actually within the normal range”, according to Patterson. So if you’re having sex with women, chances are they don’t desire long sex sessions anyways.
Premature ejaculation: what it is and why it happens
Premature ejaculation is a type of sexual dysfunction. It’s characterized by a lack of voluntary control over ejaculation.
Ejaculation is when semen is expelled from the penis. Premature ejaculation occurs when semen is expelled from the penis before or shortly after sexual penetration. It can occur before or after foreplay.
Premature ejaculation can cause sexual anxiety and frustration. It can reduce sexual pleasure and cause relationship problems.
Some telltale signs that you might suffer from premature ejaculation are:
- Are unable to delay ejaculation
- Always or almost always ejaculate within one minute of sexual penetration
- Ejaculate frequently before or shortly after sexual penetration
- Feel distress, anxiety or frustration about your condition
The causes of premature ejaculation
There are a variety of things that can contribute to premature ejaculation. In some cases, it may be a learned behavior. “If a man has always had a pattern of ejaculating quickly, it may be a conditioned response”, Patterson explains.
This is often the case for younger men who may have experienced early success with partners and then come to expect it.
Other times, it could be a matter of nerves or anxiety. “If a man has performance anxiety, he may tend to rush through sex”, Patterson says. This can be the case for men who are worried about their abilities in bed or who are anxious about their partner’s pleasure.
For some men, premature ejaculation may be a side effect of medication or other health issues. “Certain antidepressants, for example, are known to cause premature ejaculation”, Patterson says.
If you think your medication may be to blame, talk to your doctor about alternative options.
Premature ejaculation can also be caused by an underlying medical condition. “There are some reports that premature ejaculation is more common in men with diabetes”, Patterson says. If you’re struggling with finishing too soon, it’s worth talking to your doctor to rule out any potential health issues.
Here’s a short list of physical causes:
- Abnormal hormone levels
- Thyroid problems
- Nerve damage from surgery or injury
- Infections or inflammation of the prostate or urethra
- Diabetes
- Certain medications
And here are some psychological causes:
- Performance anxiety
- Stress
- Depression
- Relationship problems
The psychological impact of premature ejaculation
If you’re someone who experiences premature ejaculation, it can be easy to feel like you’re not in control of your own body – and that can be a frustrating and embarrassing experience.
“It’s not unusual for men to feel like they’re not performing as they should, which can lead to anxiety and stress”, says Patterson.
This anxiety can often make the problem worse, as performance anxiety is one of the common causes of premature ejaculation.
“Being anxious about sexual performance can trigger a fight-or-flight response, which can lead to early ejaculation”, explains Patterson.
So if you’re worried about finishing too soon, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone, and there are things you can do to improve the situation.
How to fix premature ejaculation: medical and natural treatments
There are quite a few options when it comes to medical and natural treatments for premature ejaculation.
Medical Treatments
According to the Mayo Clinic, the first line of defense against premature ejaculation is often a topical numbing cream or spray that can be applied to the penis to help delay ejaculation.
These work by temporarily numbing the penis, which can help you last longer. Local anesthetics like lidocaine can be found in numbing sprays like Lidocaine 4% Topical Spray and Anesten.
If topical treatments don’t work, your doctor may prescribe oral medication. The most common types of medication used to treat premature ejaculation are antidepressants, which are often used off-label to delay ejaculation.
These include drugs like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as fluoxetine (Prozac), sertraline (Zoloft), and paroxetine (Paxil).
Behavioral therapy may also be helpful. This type of therapy can teach you different techniques to help delay ejaculation. For example, you may be taught how to control your breathing or muscle contractions to delay orgasm.
Natural Treatments
If you’re not interested in medical treatment, there are a number of natural ways to improve your endurance.
One popular method is the stop-start technique. This involves stimulating the penis until you feel like you’re about to ejaculate, then stopping and resting for 30 seconds to a minute before starting again. This can help you train your body to delay ejaculation.
Another effective method is the squeeze technique. This involves stimulating the penis until you’re close to ejaculating, then squeezing the head of the penis (not too tightly) for 30 seconds to a minute. This will usually stop the urge to ejaculate. Once the urge has passed, you can start stimulating again.
Both of these techniques can take some time to master, but they’re worth persevering with as they can be very effective.
You can also try experimenting with different sex positions that may me less stimulating for the man. This can help delay his orgasm while giving his partner what she wants.
Kegel Exercises
There are also a number of exercises you can do to improve your sexual stamina.
Kegel exercises, for example, can help strengthen the muscles that control ejaculation. These can be done anywhere, at any time, and no one will know you’re doing them.
To do a Kegel exercise, simply tighten the muscles you would use to stop the flow of urine. Hold for a count of 10, then relax for a count of 10. Repeat this 10 times, three times a day.
A final word on overcoming premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation can be a frustrating problem, but it’s one that can be overcome with patience, practice, and sometimes medical or natural treatment.
If you’re struggling with premature ejaculation, sex therapists always recommend starting with the basics: focusing on relaxation, improving communication with your partner, and experimenting with different positions and techniques.
With a little effort, you’re likely to find a way to make sex last as long as you want it to.
