An active sex life is linked with increased feelings of intimacy, trust, and bonding with a partner, according to science. This is likely due to the flood of hormones and neurochemicals, especially oxytocin, that occurs during sex.
Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone” because it reduces stress and increases positive emotions says Christy Thompson, a New York based couple’s therapist.
All skin-to-skin contact has the potential to release oxytocin. Oxytocin is sometimes called the “cuddle hormone” because it plays a role in bonding, relaxation, and sexual pleasure.
So stripping off those clothes and getting close can be a great way to deepen your relationship.
If you want to take things even further, try these 10 simple ideas to improve your sex life.
Vocalize Your Pleasure
Choosing to remain quiet during sex can be a missed opportunity to express your feelings and experiences with your partner.
“Instead of internalizing your pleasure, let it out! Most people are afraid to make noise during sex, but making noise can actually be incredibly erotic,” says Thompson.
“This way, you can show them that you’re really into the experience and are fully engaged in their pleasure.”
So don’t be afraid to let your partner know how you’re feeling through moaning, groaning or crying out in pleasure.
But it doesn’t have to be just about making noise. You can talk to them too. There are many benefits to communicating with your partner during sex. For one, it can help you both understand what each of you likes and doesn’t like. This way, you can tailor the experience to make it more enjoyable for both of you.
Additionally, expressing your pleasure can help to create a deeper connection with your partner. It can also help to increase intimacy and make sex more enjoyable overall.
Try Some Toys
Using sex toys can enhance sexual pleasure for both partners. Couples who use sex toys report feeling closer to their partner and having more satisfying sex lives.
There are a variety of sex toys available on the market, from vibrators and dildos to restraints and sex furniture. You can even find sex toys that can be controlled remotely, which can be especially fun when you’re in a long-distance relationship.
If you’re interested in exploring sex toys with your partner, start by talking about it. Talk about what kinds of things you’re interested in trying. You may be surprised to find that your partner is open to the idea of using sex toys, too.
Once you’ve decided to give sex toys a try, do some research to find the best ones for you. You can read online reviews or even visit a sex toy shop together.
When you’re ready to use a sex toy, take things slow at first. Start with something small and uncomplicated, like a vibrator. Experiment with different settings and speeds to find what you like.
If you’re using a sex toy for the first time, it’s normal to feel a little awkward or self-conscious. Just relax and go with the flow.
Here are a few beginners sex toys we recommend:
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Breath Together
Tantric sex is an ancient practice that is said to enhance sexual pleasure and intimacy between partners. When performed correctly, it is said to be able to create a deeper connection between the two people involved.
One of the key aspects of tantric sex is conscious breathing. This means that both partners are aware of their breath and breathe in unison with each other.
This synchronized breathing creates a sense of trust and intimacy between the two people, as well as heightening the sexual experience.
Tantric sex is not just about the physical act of sex, but also about the mental and emotional connection between partners. It is said to be a very spiritual experience that can help people connect with their partner on a deeper level.
Tantric sex can be performed with or without penetration, and can be done with any type of sexual activity.
Avoid Distractions
There are few things more distracting than a buzzing phone in the bedroom. Not only is it rude, but it can also take away from the intimacy of sex. If you must have your phone nearby, make sure that it’s turned off and silenced.
The only exception should be if you’re playing mood music in the background.
No Pets Allowed in the Room
Pets can be great cuddlers, but they don’t belong in the bedroom. Seeing a pet in the room can be a major distraction during sex. Plus, your pet could get in the way, or even hurt, if things get too heated.
If you can’t bear to part with your furry friend, try putting them in another room during sex. You can even give them a little treat to distract them.
Create a Romantic Atmosphere
Whether it’s scented candles, mood lighting, or flowers, setting the scene can make sex even more special. Creating a romantic atmosphere can help you feel more connected to your partner and get you in the mood. It can also make sex more sensual and intimate.
Here’s a few ideas:
- Set the mood with lighting. Soften the lights or light candles to help you and your partner feel more relaxed and intimate.
- Create a playlist of songs that turn you both on.
- Dim the lights, light some candles, and get the massage oil ready.
- Talk dirty. Whisper naughty things in your partner’s ear to get them excited.
- Have a glass of wine. Alcohol can help you relax and increase sexual desire. Just be sure to drink in moderation.
Aromatherapy
Certain scents can help to get you in the mood for sex. Aromatherapy is a great way to set the stage for a steamy session.
“Scents like jasmine and ylang-ylang increase sexual desire,” Thompson says. “And lavender and chamomile can help to reduce anxiety and promote relaxation.”
Lighting a few candles with these scents before getting busy can help to get you both in the mood.
Here’s a few of our favorites:
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Make Time for Foreplay
“I think the majority of people could improve their sex lives by slowing down and focusing on foreplay,” Thompson says. “Kissing, touching, and caressing help to increase oxytocin and sexual arousal.”
The Nipples
Stimulating the nipples and other erogenous zones increases sexual arousal and can lead to more intense orgasms. “Many people with nipples report that they are more sensitive during certain times in their menstrual cycle, so it’s worth exploring,” Thompson says.
The Clitoris
The clitoris is full of nerve endings and is the most sensitive spot on the female body. “Because the clitoris is so sensitive, direct stimulation of it can often be too intense,” Thompson says. “Many women prefer indirect stimulation, which can be done with the tongue, finger, or a sex toy.”
To find out what she likes, ask your partner to show you how they like to be touched or experiment with different strokes and speeds. And don’t forget to communicate. “Let your partner know what feels good by moaning or saying yes,” she says. “Saying nothing at all can be just as sexy.”
Don’t Forget Oral
Giving and receiving oral sex is another way to increase sexual pleasure. “There’s something very intimate about being so close to someone’s genitals and being able to give them pleasure,” Thompson says.
Anal Play
Anal play can also be enjoyable, even if you don’t orgasm from it. “The anus is full of nerve endings, so it can be quite pleasurable,” Thompson says. “Start with gentle touching and massage before moving on to anything insertion.”
There are many ways to make sex even better, but focusing on foreplay is a great place to start. By taking the time to enjoy the buildup, you and your partner can enjoy more intense orgasms and a deeper connection.
Plus, foreplay can be its own form of pleasure. “Don’t just focus on the genitals,” Thompson says. “Just the act of touching and kissing all over the body can be incredibly erotic.”
Take Turns Being in Control
Changing up your normal roles in the bedroom and taking turns being in control can lead to richer sexual experiences.
One way to do this is to experiment with different types of fantasies or role-playing. Fantasizing about something can make it more exciting when you eventually experience it. This is because novelty and adventure stimulate the brain’s reward system, says Thompson. Fantasizing about a particular scenario, like having sex in a public place, can also increase sexual arousal.
If you want to get more physically involved, try giving using some soft restraints on your partner. This can add an element of excitement and exploration to sex.
Both men and women can benefit from taking turns being in charge.
Men often feel pressure to perform and please their partner, which can lead to performance anxiety. Women may feel like they need to take care of their partner and make sure they’re having a good time, which can lead to stress.
By taking turns being in control, both partners can relax and enjoy the experience more. This can lead to more satisfying and longer-lasting sex.
Get Out of Bed
Another surefire way to have better sex is getting out of bed. “We tend to think of sex as something that happens between the sheets, but the beauty of sex is you can do it anywhere,” Thompson says. “Anytime you can increase the novelty, the adventure, and the suspense, you’re going to increase the sexual tension, which is going to make the sex that much better.”
So instead of your typical romp in the sack, try getting busy in other rooms of the house, or even outdoors.
“It could be as simple as starting in the living room and then making your way to the bedroom,” Thompson says. “The change in scenery will add a new element of excitement.”
And if you’re feeling really adventurous, take things to the great outdoors. “Sex in nature can be really exciting,” she says. “Just make sure you’re being safe and respectful.”
Try Different Sex Positions
Rotate through different positions to find ones that feel the best. “If you’re stuck in a missionary rut, you’re missing out,” Thompson says. “There are so many delicious options.”
Not only does trying new positions mean more pleasure for you, but it can also lead to different and stronger orgasms. “The G-spot or prostate can be easier to reach in different positions,” Thompson says.
There are a ton of positions to choose from, so experiment until you find a few that you really like. These positions can help:
- Doggy style: This position allows for deep penetration. To make it even better, have your partner massage your back or play with your nipples.
- Reverse cowgirl: This one is great for G-spot stimulation. You can also put your hands on your partner’s chest or around their neck for added leverage.
- Missionary with a twist: Put a pillow under your partner’s hips to tilt their pelvis and give you better access to their G-spot. You can also try putting your legs over their shoulders.
- Standing: Wrap your legs around your partner’s waist as they hold you up. This position is great for hitting the G-spot or for anal sex.
And if you’re feeling even more adventurous, check out our guide on the Top 10 sex positions women will never tell you they love 😉
Final Thoughts
Great sex is about intimacy, trust, and connection. By trying out new things and being open with your partner, you can take your sex life to the next level.
With a little creativity and effort, you can make sex even better than it already is.
