Let’s face it. Every guy wants to think of himself as a sexual dynamo – someone who really knows how to curl a woman’s toes when he takes her to bed with him. But according to research, most women – as many as 80 percent – have not only faked an orgasm before but continue to do so regularly.
That means there’s a good chance a lot of those screaming orgasms most men think they’ve been bestowing on their lovers over the years weren’t even real. But why do women fake it in the first place, and how can a guy tell whether it’s happened to him? And most importantly, what should he do about it moving forward? Here’s a look at what you need to know.
Why Do People Fake Orgasms?
First of all, it’s a common misconception that only women fake orgasms. Someone of any gender can (and quite possibly will) fake an orgasm for various reasons. Some of the most common reasons why people fake orgasms include the following.
- They feel intense pressure to perform and to meet expectations they feel their partner has.
- They want to stroke their partner’s ego and make him feel like a boss between the sheets.
- They’re not really in the mood or otherwise just want the sex to be over with.
- They know their partner is intent on giving them an orgasm and don’t want to disappoint.
- They don’t genuinely know what a real orgasm feels like and/or are copying porn.
In other words, the bad news is that the chances are pretty good that one or more of your past partners have faked orgasms with you at least a couple of times. But the good news is that it probably had little to nothing to do with you or your performance.
What Does a Real Orgasm Look Like?
Everyone is different, so there’s no surefire way to tell for sure whether any particular woman is really having an orgasm or just faking one. And no one woman is necessarily going to cum the same way every single time, either.
But one fairly reliable way to assess the situation is to focus on signs of orgasm that can’t be faked so easily, because anyone can turn in an Oscar-winning moaning session. Signs like the following, on the other hand, are more likely to be indicative of a genuine orgasm.
- She’s displaying sex flush – a slight reddening of the skin across her chest and upper body. (This may or may not be detectable on darker skin tones.)
- Involuntary muscle contractions of various intensities usually accompany orgasm – especially contractions of the pelvic floor, uterus, and feet.
- Her heart is racing, and her breathing is quickened.
Your instincts are also probably better indicators than you think. If you get a distinct impression that a woman was putting on a show, then you’re probably right. The same goes for women who act just like something out of a triple-X porn clip.
As incredible as porn can be, it’s important to remember that it’s not reality. Outside of the world of porn, women don’t typically have writhing, screaming, wall-shattering orgasms – or at least they don’t, as a rule. Real orgasms can be (and often are) a lot more subdued.
What Should You Do If You Think She’s Faking It?
First off, it’s essential to realize that orgasms aren’t (and shouldn’t be) the be-all and end-all of a person’s sex life. Yes, giving someone you’re really into a good time that happens to include one or more orgasms is terrific. But you shouldn’t assume that someone not having an orgasm means the sex was bad or that they didn’t enjoy themselves.
That said, deciding to become the orgasm police is a terrible idea for many reasons. Don’t over focus on orgasms as it can spoil an otherwise transcendent experience for both of you by taking you out of the moment in all the wrong ways. Plus, there’s always the possibility that you’re wrong in your assumption that your partner was faking.
But if you do think your partner has been faking orgasms (and this is someone you actually have an ongoing relationship with), it might be worth talking about. Just don’t do it in a confrontational or accusatory way. Instead, open a dialogue about turn-ons, different ways your partner might like to be touched, and whether or not they have any suggestions on how you can please them more thoroughly.
Then actually be open to the feedback, as well as to anything they might suggest. Some women may need to be touched differently than you’re used to, while others may like the idea of bringing sex toys into the bedroom to use together. The key is to keep an open mind and be teachable. You might just find it improves the experience for both of you!