Fingering Like a Pro, According to Sex Experts
"Your fingers are the best sex toys you always have on you." Amen.
Fingering can be a fun and pleasurable way to play with your partner, whether as part of foreplay or during sex.
Your fingers are the best sex toys you always have on you.
I’ve worked in pornographic films and trust me when I say that there are those that are pros in the art of fingering and those that are absolutely clueless. But the one’s that are good at it…and I can recognize almost immediately if a guy has the skills or not (my uncontrollably moaning when the camera isn’t even rolling is a good indicator).
If you’re using your fingers to stimulate your partner’s vulva without properly understanding their anatomy, it can be incredibly uncomfortable and even painful.
However, by studying vulva anatomy and learning about what feels best for each individual, you can improve your fingering technique and create more pleasurable experiences for both of you.
What is Fingering
So what exactly is fingering? Different ways of stimulating a partner’s genitals with your fingers can be referred to as “fingering.” Most commonly, this refers to the use of your fingers to rub, brush, or slip inside your partner’s vagina (or anus).
There are lots of different ways you can stimulate your partner’s vagina, but from own extensive experience, some well-trained fingers will always make me moan!
Many people have more control over their fingers than a toy or penis, which gives them the ability to stimulate areas more easily.
Furthermore, the nerves on our fingers are very sensitive, so we can often feel where something is and touch it in specific ways.
Different people enjoy different kinds of stimulation when it comes to their vajayjays. So, there is no one way to do things when it comes to fingering a person’s vagina!
However, there are some general tips that can help make the experience more pleasurable for both you and your partner.
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Anatomy of the Vulva
The vulva refers to the external female genitalia, which includes the labia majora (outer lips), labia minora (inner lips), clitoris, urethra, and vaginal opening.
The Clitoris
The clitoris (or “clit”) is the primary source of female sexual pleasure and is located at the top of the vulva, where the inner lips meet. Most of us are familiar with the little nub that is visible on the surface, but the clitoris actually extends deep into the body and has a complex network of nerves and erectile tissue.
The clit looks different from person to person. It can be small or large, hidden or prominent. It’s also very sensitive, so it’s important to learn what kind of stimulation your partner enjoys. Some people prefer direct clitoral stimulation, while others prefer indirect stimulation or a combination of both.
To find the clitoris, look for the small, raised bump or nub at the top of the vulva, where the inner lips meet. Feel for the fleshy, spongy tissue just above the vaginal opening.
Gently rub or press on this area with your fingers. Experiment with different strokes and speeds to see what feels best. You can also ask your partner what they like.
Remember that every person is different, so what feels good for one person may not feel good for another. The important thing is to communicate with your partner and experiment until you find what works for both of you.
Tips for rubbing the clit
- Start by gently rubbing or massaging the area around the clitoris. Don’t rush right over to it.
- Pay attention to your partner’s body language and verbal cues to see what they enjoy.
- Experiment with different strokes and speeds to find out what they like.
- Some people enjoy direct stimulation of the clitoris, while others prefer indirect stimulation.
- Use lube! This will help reduce friction and make the experience more pleasurable for your partner.
- When your partner is close to orgasm, they may need less intense stimulation. Pay attention to their cues and back off if needed.
- After your partner has orgasm, gently massage the area or help them to clean up.
The G-Spot
One of the most important things to understand when learning how to finger someone is the G-spot. The G-spot is a small, spongy area located on the front wall of the vagina, about 2-3 inches inside.
When stimulated, it can lead to intense arousal and even orgasm.
To find the G-spot, insert your finger into the vagina, palm up. Curl your finger in a “come hither” motion and press firmly against the front wall of the vagina.
You may feel a small, raised area or as many describe a “rough patch of skin”. This is the G-spot!
Gently massage the G-spot with your finger, varying the pressure, speed, and direction. Experiment and see what feels good!
Some people enjoy having the G-spot stimulated with a firm pressure, while others prefer a lighter touch.
Remember to always ask your partner what they like and check in frequently to make sure they’re still enjoying the sensation.
Tips on Rubbing the G-Spot
- Start with one finger and increase pressure and speed as your partner becomes more aroused.
- You can also try using two or three fingers if you’re partner’s vaginal opening is large enough but makes sure she’s comfortable with it. Unlike what you see in porn videos, very few of us enjoy having someone cram their whole hand into our vaginas!
- Some people enjoy a little clitoral stimulation while their G-spot is being stimulated.
- You can rub the clitoris with your thumb while using your fingers to stimulate the G-spot.
- Listen to your partner and let them guide you to what feels good!
Communication With Your Partner Is the Key to Success
Whether you’re a seasoned finger pro or a complete novice, communication with your partner is key to success.
Before you start, talk to your partner about their likes and dislikes. Once you know what they’re into, you can start exploring.
Pay attention to your partner’s body language and verbal cues to gauge their level of pleasure. If they’re moaning and panting, things are probably going well. However, if they’re tensing up, grunting, or saying “ouch,” it’s time to back off.
When in doubt, ask your partner what feels good. They’ll be more than happy to guide you in the right direction.
Also remember that everyone is different in the way they communicate. While some women will just tell you what they want, some may using moaning or “OOos and Aahhs” to guide you.
Other may be a bit more subtle in their approach:
For instance, I personally love it when a man plays with both my vagina and ass at the same time. But I feel embarrassed verbally telling them to stick a finger up my anus.
So rather than talking to them in the heat of the moment, I just grab their fingers and put them where I want them. That usually sends the message in an indirect way.
So pay attention to all the cues you’re given and remember that they might not be as clear or straightforward as you think.
The real pros of fingering are the one that can read a woman’s body and adjust on the fly to what she wants (even if she doesn’t know it!).
Start Slow and Build Up
When you’re first exploring fingering, it’s important to start slow. This means both in terms of speed and pressure.
Vaginal tissue is delicate, so it’s important to be gentle at first. You can experiment with different speeds and pressures once you know what feels good for your partner.
Stimulating the clitoris directly can be too intense for some people. Instead, start by focusing on the clitoral hood, which is the fleshy protrusion in front of the vaginal opening. Gently rub this area with your finger.
Then rub the outer labia, or lips, of the vulva. This is the fleshy area that surrounds the vaginal opening. You can experiment with different kinds of strokes, from light and feathery to firm and consistent.
You’ll know your partner is aroused when they start to produce more natural lubrication, their breathing and heart rate increases, and they may make sounds of pleasure.
When they’re showing those signs of arousal, you can start stimulating the vaginal opening with your finger. Insert your finger slowly and experiment with different kinds of strokes.
Pay attention to your partner’s body language and breathing to gauge their level of arousal and comfort.
While you’re inserting a finger or two into her vagina, now is a good time to try softly rubbing the clitoris directly, either with the thumb of the hand whose fingers are in her vagina or using your other free hand.
Lube Is Your Friend
Lube is often overlooked when it comes to fingering, but it’s actually one of the most important factors in creating pleasurable experiences.
The tissue around the vagina is delicate and can be easily irritated, so it’s important to use a lubricant that will not only reduce friction but also be gentle on the skin.
Water-based lubricants are a good option for most people and are what I recommend.
And remember that just because a woman’s vagina may need lube doesn’t mean she’s not turned on.
Many factors can affect vaginal lubrication, from medications to stress levels.
So even if a woman is aroused, she may still need extra lubrication to ensure a pleasurable experience.
Bonus Tips
Change Up the Location
One of the great pros about fingering is that the act doesn’t have to be confined within the walls of your bedroom. It can done anywhere!
According to our in-house sexpert Ruth Thomas, doing this dirty deed in new locations cannot only add a sense of adventure to your sex life, but it can also help you learn more about what really turns your partner on.
And the thrill of getting fingered in a public place like the movie theater, a cozy booth in the back of a restaurant or even the backseat of a car, can be an enormous turn on for both parties.
Just make sure you have your partner’s consent before getting too handsy in public!
Leave the Clothes On
This relates to the previous tip but just remember you don’t have to be fully naked to get a good fingering session in.
There’s something incredible hot and erotic about a man reaching down a woman’s pants or up her skirt to give her pleasure without even taking her clothes off.
It can be the ultimate tease and prolong the sexual tension until you both can’t take it anymore!
Add Other Types of Stimulation
While fingering is great, it’s often even better when it’s combined with other types of stimulation, like oral sex or using a sex toy.
And don’t forget that nipple play, talking dirty and playing with her anus are also great forms of sexual stimulation that can be added to the act of fingering.
Experiment with different combinations of stimulation to see what gets your partner going.
Add Some Sex Toys
One way to step up your fingering game is to incorporate some sex toys into the act. This can be a great way to send your partner into orgasmic ecstasy.
There are a ton of different sex toys out there, but here are a few that can be particularly helpful when it comes to complimenting your fingering skills:
- Clit suction toys: These toys use gentle suction to stimulate the clitoris, which can be incredibly pleasurable and a little kinky as well.
- Vibrators: Vibrators can be used to stimulate any area of the vulva, including the clitoris, labia, and G-spot. They work great on the anus too.
- Dildos: Dildos can be used for vaginal or anal penetration. Try inserting a dildo into her vagina while gently rubbing her clitoris. This is always a great combo.
- Anal beads: Anal beads can be inserted into the anus and then pulled out at different speeds to create different sensations.
- Butt plugs: Butt plugs can be inserted into the anus and are great because you don’t have to do much with them after that. They’re kind of a “set and forget” type of toy.
It’s all about experimenting with different toys and fingering techniques to see what feels good for you and your partner. With a little bit of practice, you’ll be a fingering pro in no time!
