Being in a committed relationship can be awesome… for the right person at the right time. Not everyone is even wired for monogamy, let alone cut out for a commitment to another person that could potentially last a lifetime. And even if someone is a good fit for committed relationships, there are any number of reasons why now might not be the best time for one.
So if you’ve thought that maybe casual sex sounds like a better fit for you lately, you’re not crazy. In fact, it’s highly likely that you just understand what you need right now on a level other people in your life might not. So here are some signs that it’s totally time to ditch serial monogamy for a more carefree, casual kind of sex life.
1. You don’t actually have time for a relationship.
Again, relationships can be extraordinary under the right circumstances. But they’re also incredibly time-consuming if you’re serious about keeping your connection to that other person harmonious. Although some people might be OK with having a partner who’s rarely around because of a demanding schedule, most need a lot of attention from that other person.
It’s OK if you simply don’t have that to give to someone right now (or potentially ever). And it’s incredibly mature to actively consider taking a different approach to dating if this is the case for you. If you don’t have the time to be in a relationship right now (or simply don’t want to make the time), a casual take on things could be a good solution.
2. You find the idea of monogamy limiting.
If a particular lifestyle decision is really right for you, it doesn’t fill you with dread. It doesn’t make you feel limited, held back, or like you’re living your life in a cage, either. That said, people wired for monogamy find the idea appealing, comforting, and preferable to any other option. They don’t sit around wondering how on earth anyone actually lives like that.
On the other hand, people wired for something else don’t feel it makes sense to expect one person to fulfill all of their romantic and sexual needs. They think connection is a beautiful thing and casual sex means that there’s no need to limit it or even to be super serious about it.
3. You have trouble with commitment.
When someone just isn’t cut out for commitment, other people in their life tend to treat it like a personal shortcoming. They tell them to grow up and buckle down. They urge them to make life-changing decisions, as well – like getting married or even having children – despite the fact that they’re not even close to being ready for those things.
However, while it’s never easy to disappoint friends and loved ones, know that your life is your own, and no one has the right to tell you how to live. Because although some people will eventually be ready to commit to just one person eventually, some people never get there because it’s just not a fit for them. If you suspect this might be the case for you, random sex may be best.
4. You find casual hookups energizing.
Everyone has at least one friend who constantly talks about how much they hate dating. They hate the process of getting ready for first dates. They don’t like getting to know new people. And hey loathe not really knowing whether a promising connection has a more serious future in store. In other words, they’re in this big hurry to find “the one” and view dating as a necessary evil they need to put up with in order to get what they want.
But maybe you’re the exact opposite of that. Maybe everything your friend dislikes about the dating process is something you actually find kind of fun. Some people love dating and see it as a beautiful opportunity to connect with lots of exciting people on many different levels. They find it energizing, and they’re often a little sorry when someone they were having a lot of fun with starts getting overly serious with them. If that sounds like you, then you might want to consider embracing casual hookups on an indefinite basis.
5. You dislike the predictability of long-term relationships.
Relationship people love to talk about how great it is that they know everything there is to know about their partner. They know what they’re going to say before they say it. They can predict how they’ll react to every possible scenario life could throw at them. They even know how sex is going to go from start to finish because they have sex the exact same way every time. In other words, their lives and relationships are very predictable, and they like things that way.
But again, what if you’re different? Maybe you find the idea of total predictability boring or even depressing. Perhaps you’d happily take the electricity of first kisses and unexplored sexual territory over being able to finish someone else’s sentences any day. If you’re actually put off by the idea of knowing someone so well that there’s no mystery left at all, then casual dating and sex are probably much better fits for you.
At the end of the day, there’s no one approach to sex and relationships that’s right for absolutely everyone, and that’s OK. There’s nothing wrong with your friends for wanting to be with the same person forever and for preferring monogamy. And there’s nothing wrong with you for deciding something else is a better fit for you right now.
Life’s too short, and sexual satisfaction is too big a part of someone’s well-being to force yourself into someone else’s box for what really amounts to no good reason. So do what you know is right for you. You can always make a different decision in the future if you do indeed change your mind.
