While it’s great to be good with your mouth and tongue, there’s something to be said for a guy who’s good with his hands. Truly legendary lovers know how important variety is, and great hands can bring a lot to the table in that regard.
Plus, many women really enjoy being fingered, so it’s something worth learning how to do properly. Here are a few tips to get you started in the right direction.
1. Forget what your porn videos taught you
Although there are exceptions out there, most porn videos aren’t to be trusted as far as how they portray successful fingering. They almost always show guys finger-blasting girls with a lot of speed or force with little build-up. Meanwhile, the women act like they can barely control themselves as a result.
In reality, that’s not how most women like to be fingered, especially when you’re first getting things started. As with most sexy things, it’s a lot better to take things slow and steady. A woman’s body needs time and patience to become aroused and for sensations to build toward orgasm. Maybe then you can pep things up a little.
But start slow, even if she’s wet and seems aroused. A woman’s entire vulva is nerve-rich and enjoys being touched, so pay attention to all of it. Pay special attention to the clitoris, stroking and massaging it slowly and gently. When you are ready to enter the vagina with your fingers, take it slow there, too. Start with one finger and add more as your partner gets increasingly into what’s going on.
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2. Learn your way around the vagina
Guys who are great at fingering are invariably also guys who understand the female anatomy. So yes, the G-spot is a real thing, and it’s an incredibly important hotspot to know. But many sections of the vagina are also capable of experiencing serious pleasure, so it’s worth developing an understanding of all of them.
Pay attention to how your partner responds when you stimulate different regions within the vagina, as every woman has her own preferences. Get to know some different techniques for each, as well. The G-spot does best with firm, steady pressure-focused stimulation. However, other regions may respond better to thrusting, rubbing, or teasing.
3. Listen to your partner
It’s a reasonably well-understood fact that most women find it significantly more difficult to reach orgasm than a man does. Especially when they’re with their partners instead of on their own. That’s why if you’re lucky enough to be with a woman who’s comfortable guiding you while you’re fingering her, you should listen to her and take what she’s saying very literally.
Repetitive, rhythmic motions are the key to making a woman orgasm, especially if you’re trying to do it by fingering her. That means that if she tells you to keep doing something you’re doing “just like that” or urges you not to stop, don’t go faster or harder. Keep doing exactly the same thing you’re already doing. She’s close, she knows what you’re doing will work for her, and she’s all about it.
4. Blend different types of stimulation
Again, one of the best things any guy can do when it comes to fingering a female partner is forget whatever he thinks he knows because of porn. Curling a partner’s toes isn’t about repeatedly penetrating her until she orgasms. Remember, she has an entire vulva that’s packed with sensitive nerve endings. So it pays to work with all of it.
Blended orgasms that bring several different hot zones into play are especially powerful. So try alternating between internal and external stimulation. If your partner’s into it, you can try enhancing things even further by adding anal stimulation to the mix, as well.
5. Communicate with your partner
Talking about sex and communicating openly about what you like in bed isn’t easy for everyone, especially people from more conservative backgrounds. But it’s an important part of getting the most out of your sex life, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship.
That said, one of the easiest ways to get better at fingering is to simply ask your partner what works for her, what she likes, and what she wants you to do. Break the ice and circumvent any potential awkwardness by leading with a compliment and making sure she knows you see pleasing her as a major turn-on.
Ultimately, a terrific sex life that’s satisfying for both of you is largely about variety, so fingering is a great option to add to your ongoing sexual routine. And a little communication to detail and communication goes a long way, so it’s well worth your time to become good at it. Your partner will be glad you did.
