Whether you’re about to sexually seal the deal with a brand new relationship partner or simply looking to get laid like a boss the next time you schedule a date, sleeping with someone new can be something of a mixed bag. On the one hand, taking someone new to bed is an experience that’s exciting because it’s packed with potential. On the other, it can be totally nerve-wracking. What if things don’t go as planned? Even worse, what if you totally bomb and the sex just sucks as a result?
Thankfully, the ability to rock a new partner’s world in the sack and guarantee they leave your bed wanting more is a skill you can not only learn, but perfect. The following are some must-know tips to get you started so that everything goes as perfectly as is humanly possible.
1. Just relax.
We know. Easier said than done, right? Whether the new partner in question is someone you actually have feelings for or just an uber-hot one-night stand, it’s hard not to be at least a little anxious when having sex with someone for the first time. It’s normal, natural, and perfectly okay to have a few nerves. What you don’t want to do is let yourself get so nervous you’re actually tense or uptight.
That said, just relax and take a deep breath. Believe it or not, the other person is probably just as nervous as you are for the same exact reasons even if we’re talking about a five-alarm hottie. Break the ice with a little casual conversation first and give the right mood a chance to develop.
2. Be mindful of your alcohol intake.
Speaking of relaxing, most people like to do that by having a cocktail or two and it’s unlikely that you’re any different. Just keep in mind that the night you plan on sleeping with a new partner is not the night to accidentally have a few too many. Nothing impairs a person’s ability to perform sexually quite like too much alcohol. No one wants to realize they have whiskey dick or a pitifully dry vagina when it’s finally time to get down and dirty!
That said, definitely have a drink or two with the person as a way to take the edge off and keep conversation flowing. Don’t have five, or six, or seven. Even if you’re still able to perform after that much alcohol, your heavy drinking might turn your new paramour off and make them think twice about ever going to bed with you again.
3. Go the extra mile with your hygiene.
If there’s one thing that will definitely help you get where you want to be in life, both in and out of the bedroom, it’s good hygiene and solid personal grooming habits. (This goes for both guys and gals.) Make sure you’re clean, fresh-smelling, and well-groomed for your date, especially down below.
Definitely shower and clean up before you meet up, but freshen up right before the big event as well if you can. Make it a point to keep wet wipes, mints, gum, or small travel-sized bottles of your favorite fragrance in your purse or glove compartment for nights you’ll be the guest instead of the host.
4. Wear the right underwear.
And by that, we mean wear something that makes you feel sexy. It’s all fine and dandy to want your date to like what you’re wearing, but it’s actually more important that you feel good in whatever it is. Yes, thongs and silk boxers are almost universally considered super-hot, but only on people that feel comfortable in them.
Remember what we said earlier about how critical it is that you find a way to relax and let your confidence flow? Well, knowing you’re wearing incredible underwear that makes you feel like sex personified will definitely help you in that department. Slip into your favorite items and strut your stuff.
5. Bring your own protection.
Yes, it’s critical that you have safe sex, especially if you’re taking someone new to bed, but we know you already know that. It’s just as important to make sure you always have your own protection on hand, whether or not you’re going to be doing the deed at the other person’s place. This is 2018, after all. We should all be past assuming the other person is going to take care of it, whether we’re male or female.
There’s always the chance that they don’t happen to have anything on them at the moment or that they forgot to pick up condoms the last time they went shopping. Also, there’s nothing more frustrating than having to put the brakes on when things are really heating up because you both just realized you need to make a run to the drugstore first.
6. Take your time to feel your partner out.
Generally speaking, we have better sex with people we’ve already slept with at least a few times before. It takes time, practice, and experience to get to know a person’s body and to let them get to know yours as well. However, that hardly means you can’t also have fantastic, earth-shattering sex with someone you’ve never taken to bed before.
Take a few moments to get to know this new partner sexually before you enjoy the main event. Talk to them. Kiss them. Touch them. Make out with them. Undress them slowly, one piece of clothing at a time. Neither of you has anywhere you need to be (probably), so definitely take your time. Not only does this give you a chance to learn how they like to be touched, but it gives you both a chance to get good and horny before you do the deed as well.
7. Don’t rush through anything.
We’ve all had terrible sex that seems to drag on forever, but we’ve also had phenomenal sex that seems to be over way too quickly as well. That said, go slow and don’t rush through any part of the experience. Whether you wind up sleeping with this person again or not, keep in mind that you only get one chance to have a first time with someone.
That said, enjoy every minute of your time together. Savor every moment of the foreplay, not to mention the exciting experience of feeling the heat build between you as you make out and touch each other. Keep that pace going all the way through the actual sex too. You won’t be sorry.
8. Speak up and communicate.
At this point, your younger days of having awkward, unsatisfying sex should be long behind you. Sexual dynamos that have mastered the fine art of getting laid like a boss have learned how important communication is. They ask for what they want and they encourage their partners to do the same.
If something your partner is doing isn’t really working for you, gently let them know. The key to success here is to do it in a way that seems sexy. Take their hand and move it to the spot you want them to focus on instead. Alternatively, you can try pointing them in the right direction with a little dirty talk. You can use the same strategy to get them to tell you whether what you’re doing feels good or encourage them to tell you what they like.
9. Stop focusing on how you look.
Both men and women have a tendency to worry about how they look, especially when they’re having sex. She doesn’t like her thighs or the way her tits hang when she’s not wearing a bra. He’s worried she’s going to notice his barely their man boobs or his belly fat. Everyone worries that their O face is weird or – worse – laughter-inducing.
Check your insecurities at the door, because we can promise you the other person is too focused on other things to worry about what you look like. Plus, who really wants to ruin a potentially phenomenal opportunity to get laid by getting in their head and stressing over their cellulite instead?
10. Let the experience stand alone.
Last but definitely not least, you’ll want to refrain from comparing this new person to lovers you’ve had in the past, either positively or negatively. After all, the last thing you’d want to hear from a sex partner after you’ve just done the deed is a TMI quip about how you measure up to their ex, right? Your bedmates don’t want to hear it either. Honestly, it’s probably just best not to bring up other people you’ve slept with in any context.
Don’t compare the new person to past partners mentally either. The whole point of taking someone different to bed is to have a new experience that stands apart from any of the other experiences you’ve already had. There’s really no point to dwelling on how the person does or doesn’t measure up to everybody else. Just relax, stay in the moment, and embrace it for everything that it is. You’ll be glad you did!