Here in the 21st century, getting plenty of useful information about sex isn’t exactly difficult if you’re straight. We’re not necessarily talking about the abundance of porn out there on the internet either. If you didn’t learn the basics of straight sex from your parents via an old school “birds and bees” talk, you most likely did once it was time for middle school sex-ed class. Then there’s the way every magazine, talk show, and advice column seems perpetually ready to tell you whatever you want to know about getting naked and horizontal with the object of your affection.
It’s the exact opposite if you happen to be queer. Yes, gay rights and queer awareness have come a long way, but you still don’t see as many sites dedicated to casual gay sex as you should. That said, whether you’re out and proud, bi-curious, or simply wondering whether you fit the norm as far as being a gay man goes, you’ve come to the right place. The following are just a few things you may not actually know about gay sex.
1. Not all gay men are into anal sex.
Whether you’re gay or not, it seems like you hear constant references to whether a given gay man is a top or a bottom, so it’s easy to assume anal is pretty much what gay sex is all about. In actuality, that’s hardly the case. According to one study that surveyed the sexual habits of 25,000 gay and bi men, anal-centric acts and behaviors are among the least common. 
A mere 36% of the men polled said their last sexual encounter with a man involved receiving anal sex and only 34% reported giving it. Oral sex was a lot more popular and common with about 75% of those polled saying they’d given it, received it, or both during their most recent sexual encounter with another man.
In other words, anal sex is hardly considered the be-all and end-all as far as what two guys like to do together when they’re down to get dirty. Plenty of gay men rarely do it and some aren’t actually into it at all. That said, you’re definitely well within the norm if anal sex isn’t that big a deal to you either.
2. Gay men and straight men are about equal when it comes to being promiscuous.
Another really persistent assumption people make about gay men and sex is that they sleep around a lot more than straight men do. We’re here to set the record straight and tell you once and for all that it’s totally not true. According to one recent study conducted by OKCupid, we’re actually all about even when it comes to how much we sleep around.
The average number of sexual partners for the 3.2 million OKCupid users polled was six. This was the case whether the people in question were gay or straight, male or female. In fact, the great majority of both straight people and gay people have had sex with fewer than twenty people, so it’s simply not so that gay people are actually more promiscuous as a rule.
3. Among gay men that do enjoy anal sex, anal orgasms are actually pretty common.
If you’re gay and you haven’t yet explored the wonders of prostate stimulation, we can vouch for the fact that it’s definitely all it’s cracked up to be for a lot of men. In fact, the prostate gland is to men what the mysterious G-spot is to women, so those aren’t just a bunch of fish stories you’ve been hearing. Lots of men are even capable of orgasming from anal sex alone.
Yet another survey of just over 7,000 gay men found 24% of participants saying that they typically can reach the big O from anal stimulation alone. An additional 37% said that they reach orgasm at least occasionally when engaging in anal sex or anal play, so yes. Anal orgasms are far from just a myth, especially for gay or bisexual men.
4. Not as many gay men are into group sex as you might think.
Although it may sometimes seem that “everyone is doing it” when it comes to sex parties, group sex, and orgies these days, that’s really not the case. We definitely live in a day and age that’s seen more different approaches to sex become socially acceptable. People – gay men included – are openly partaking in more casual sex, open relationships, and group sex than they once were. However, we’re still not talking about “everybody” by a long shot.
According to a survey of 6,300 gay men conducted by About.com on the topic of group sex, about 42% of those polled said they never have sex with more than one person at a time. Only about 7% said they nearly always have sex with more than one person at a time when that familiar urge hits them. That said, don’t worry about it too much if you’d much rather have one-on-one sex. You’re in excellent company.
5. Most gay men think kissing and blow jobs go hand in hand.
If you’ve ever had an ex-lover that refused to kiss you after you went down on him, insisting that it just isn’t something people actually do, let us assure you that he’s dead wrong. Of about 7,100 gay men polled over the course of one survey, about 45% said they literally always kiss after oral sex. An additional 21% said they almost always kiss with only occasional exceptions.
Only about 7% of those polled said they never kiss and/or honestly prefer not to. That said, not only is oral sex at the top of the list when it comes to things gay men love to do in bed together, but so is sealing the deal with a kiss, so to speak. Keep that in mind the next time a lover tries to imply you’re insane for expecting them to kiss you after a little lip service down below.
6. Size really does matter to quite a few gay men.
While it may seem as if every gay man under the sun prefers nothing less than a massive, throbbing member on a lover, it’s not quite that many. It’s actually more like half. According to one recent survey conducted by a local LGBT publication out 
of Atlanta, about 52% of the gay men surveyed said that size totally matters to them.
That 52% is definitely thinking wishfully if they expect to actually get what they want though. Data collected for that same survey found a mere 8% of the men polled saying they themselves are larger than eight inches. When you consider the likelihood that at least a handful of those guys were probably bending the truth at least a little, you’ve definitely got company if you’re merely average in the dick department.
7. Fewer gay men are into being a top than you might think.
Although it may seem as if most gay men that are into anal sex would be total tops, nothing could be further from the truth. Multiple surveys actually say they’re far more likely to prefer being a bottom. Quite a few really enjoy mixing things up and switching between the two as well.
According to another recent poll conducted by About.com, about 41% of those polled felt completely comfortable self-identifying as bottoms. Around 43% said they enjoy being a bottom, but sometimes like to be on top as well. Only 16% said that they actually preferred being a top pretty much all the time. (Seriously, we mean it when we say prostate stimulation is all that.)
8. Lots of guys that enjoy gay sex don’t identify as gay.
And no, they don’t consider themselves to be bi (or even bi-curious) either. There are actually quite a few men out there that identify as 100% heterosexual despite enjoying and seeking out gay sex with other men. You may even have met another man that’s this way before.
As far as why a man would consider himself straight despite enjoying sex with other men, there are several possibilities. Some guys are just super curious about what else is out there, especially if they’re still under 25. Others are all about having as many different sexual experiences as possible and don’t count out same-sex encounters for whatever reason. Still more may still be in the process of coming out as gay or bisexual, even to themselves.
At the end of the day, sexuality isn’t as black-and-white as people want to believe it is. According to the famous 1950’s research conducted by the Kinsey Institute, most people have had one kind of homosexual experience or another over the course of their lifetime and/or exist somewhere between strictly straight and strictly gay on the spectrum. Plus, one person may not perceive the concept of sexuality the same way another person does in the first place. Sexual identity is an ongoing journey for many people for that reason.
