5 Sex Tips to Keep in Mind If You’re Fresh Out of the Closet

The day you’ve finally been waiting for is here. You’re officially not in the closet anymore. You’re also horny and eager to start getting it on with all those hot guys you’ve been salivating over now that you no longer have to worry about having your cover blown. However, while it’s understandable that you’re excited about embarking on that next chapter as soon as possible, there’s a fine art to doing it right. Here we’ll go over everything you need to know about having sex as a gay man who’s freshly out of the closet.

1. Don’t rush the process.

When you’re fresh out of the closet, the world definitely feels like your oyster when it comes to all the impossibly hot guys out there just waiting to be had. You’ll see them everywhere – at your favorite gay bar, on your favorite gay hookup app, and just about everywhere else to boot – and you’ll feel like you can’t wait to get with one (or several) as soon as possible.

Just keep in mind that you’ve got the rest of your life as a gay man to nail all the hotties you can handle. Don’t rush into anything or do anything crazy just to get laid. Don’t sweat rejection when and if it happens either. It’s all part of the process.

2. Commit to practicing safe sex.

Even in the day and age of PrEP, STDs are still a very real issue, so safe sex should be seen as more than just a good idea. The last thing you want as a newly out gay man who’s just beginning to live his life to the fullest is to get careless and catch something, so decide right now you’re going to be responsible about your sexual health. These 9 fantastic dating tips for newly out gays should prove extremely useful during your endeavors of having sex.

Always wear a condom when you have sex, and always bring your own protection to the party if you’re meeting up for sex. Don’t simply expect the other guy to take care of it. If you’re not on it already, get on PrEP at your earliest convenience as well. Condoms are a great first line of defense, but it’s still smart to have PrEP in your corner as backup just in case.

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3. Lube is your friend.

No, really. It’s impossible to overstate the importance of using enough lube when it comes to penetrative sex (if you do indeed decide to have it). The more lube, the better, so keep a steady supply on hand right alongside your condoms.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with different kinds either, because there are lots and lots of options out there on the market. There are water-based options, silicone lubes, and hybrids that deliver the best of both worlds. There are lubes that bring all kinds of interesting new sensations to the table as well. Just make sure whatever option you choose is condom-safe. We’d recommend you to read about some things you might not know about gay sex yet, you’ll feel a lot more knowledgeable after that.

4. Be communicative about your needs and wants.

Thorough communication is the key to having awesome gay sex, especially if you’re hooking up or experimenting with lots of new people. It should also start long before the two of you actually get down and dirty. When you’re fresh out of the closet, it’s OK not to be 100 percent aware of everything you’re into, but be communicative regarding what you do know, as well as what you want to try. If something’s a deal breaker, be open about that too.

You’ll also want to remain vocal while you’re actually having sex. Keep in mind that your partner may be gay, but that doesn’t make him psychic. Help him help you by asking for what you want. If something isn’t doing it for you, or if it totally is rubbing you the right way, speak up and let the dude know.

5. Be versatile, especially at first.

Every guy has his preferences as far as what he likes most in a man, as well as in bed. Just don’t get too set in your ways right off the bat. You could wind up missing out on some really good times, not to mention a chance to truly get to know yourself sexually as a gay man.

Definitely sleep with guys you’re attracted to, but don’t forget to branch out and give men that aren’t your usual “type” a chance too. It’s the best way to make sure you’re listening to your inner lover, as opposed to just adhering to tired social norms. Don’t limit yourself to being strictly a top or a bottom when fresh out of the closet. Even if you have your favorite way to do it, learning the logistics and merits of both positions makes you a better lover overall. Explore all the possibilities as they present themselves to you. We promise you’ll be glad you did.

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Rob West

Rob West

I worked with Matt to build several hookup apps for gay men, including Guyhop.

I've been in the scene for several years now. Eternally single until I find "him".

My background is in marketing and psychology, which gives me a unique perspective on the LGBTQ dating and hookup scene.