10 Tips for Being a Great Top

Whether you’re a dyed-in-the-wool, lifelong top or prefer to switch hit according to your whims, you naturally don’t need to be told what’s awesome about being in your position when it’s time to get down and dirty. However, it’s important not to assume that bottoms by nature are going to be into anything you do just by nature of being bottoms. There’s definitely an art to being a really great top and it’s something you’ll want to master at some point.

Here we’ll go over some of the most important things to keep in mind when it’s your turn to be the top in bed. We’ll cover some of the things die-hard bottoms out there wish great tops understood as well. You’ll be bringing your A-game in the bedroom like a champ in no time.

1. Treat yourself to an anatomy lesson.

If you’re a top, it probably goes without saying that you also absolutely love ass. That’s exactly why you should see one as more than just a hole to enjoy when it’s time to get down and dirty. Most bottoms absolutely understand this, but there is a sad lack of tops out there that do, so the best thing you can do to be great at what you do is educate yourself.

If you’re lacking in the anatomy knowledge arena, a quick look at a diagram of the male anatomy will definitely do you good. Get to know all the organs, structures, and parts in the immediate vicinity and develop an understanding of how you should handle yourself down there to make the experience enjoyable for your bottom.

2. Don’t skimp on the foreplay.

2 gay men in bed

We get it. When you’re alone with a seriously hot guy and sex is totally on the agenda for the evening, it’s hard not to get overexcited about what’s going on. You’ll definitely want to avoid rushing into the main event though. Getting down with a real hottie is a fine art and it’s something you’ll both want to last a little, right?

Don’t skimp when it comes to foreplay. It’s an important part of getting your bottom turned on enough to enjoy the experience to the fullest. It’s also a must when it comes to making a new partner feel comfortable and putting him at ease. Plus, isn’t it just that much better when he’s practically begging for it when it’s finally time to get in the game?

3. Be honest about your physique.

It’s happened to the best of us. We meet a guy that goes on and on about the huge dick he has only to see he’s packing a peanut when we eventually meet and are ready to do the nasty. It’s irritating, as no one likes to be lied to. However, there are additional logistical issues to consider when you’re a top.

Avoid false advertising when it comes to describing your package… in both directions. Don’t say you’re massive if you’re tiny, but don’t err on the side of modesty either. A bottom needs and wants to be mentally prepared for whatever it is you’re about to put inside him, so make sure he’s been given a proper heads up in advance either way.

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4. Take entry slow and ask for feedback.

You’d think it would go without saying that you don’t want to just start hammering away at a guy right off the bat, but a lot of tops apparently don’t understand this. This is especially the case if they’re not switch-hitters that occasionally take their turn being the bottom. Instead, take things slow when it’s time to enter him and use plenty of lube.

Even if he’s totally turned on and ready to go, it takes a little time for him to get used to you being inside him, especially if it’s your first time together. Definitely make sure you ask him how it feels. Not only is it polite to consider his possible needs, but it can open the door to some excellent dirty talk as well.

5. Vary your technique a little.

Once you’re inside him, don’t just do the exact same thing from start to finish. Switch things up a little and keep it interesting, especially when it comes to speed. Once you’ve got a good rhythm going and his body has opened itself up to you, speed up a bit. Then slow down. Ask him how he likes everything you’re doing as well.

Switching things up in the position department can also help take an experience from good to great. Just keep that anatomy lesson in mind as you do so to avoid hurting him or making him uncomfortable. Pay attention to any feedback he gives you when deciding what to do next.

6. Offer to give him a break.

Nothing makes you feel like a rock star quite like being ridden, right? And honestly, your partner probably likes being on top as much or more than you like watching him go to work up there. However, it’s important to keep his needs in mind in this regard as well. Riding someone requires a lot of energy, especially if you’re going for a real marathon session.

Unless he’s in impeccable physical shape (or happens to be a professional porn star), he’s liable to get tired once he’s been up there awhile. However, he probably wants to impress you and won’t want to ask you to switch things up. Try asking him instead. If he’s good to go and wants to keep riding, he’ll be sure to tell you.

7. Take matters into your own hands when it comes to safety.

Gay man holding condom

At this point, it should go without saying that safe sex is an absolute must when it comes to sex. And yes, safety is absolutely everyone’s responsibility, so bottoms and tops alike should make it a point to have plenty of protection on hand at all times. The more impromptu you like your love sessions, the more important it is to always be prepared!

It’s especially important for great tops to always carry condoms and keep a healthy supply on hand at home base though. Many bottoms simply assume that a great top is going to take care of things, so you’ll want to be prepared for that, especially if you’re into hookup gay culture. It’s definitely considered good top etiquette.

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8. Give yourself a break if you need to.

Nothing lets a bottom down in bed quite like realizing they’ve brought home a two-pump chump. We get it, because it happens to the best of us. Sometimes things are just that good and you can feel yourself racing toward orgasm a little too soon. If you feel that happening to you, it’s honestly better to just take a break than to unapologetically blow your load too soon.

If you feel yourself about to orgasm way too quickly, slow down. In the event that’s not enough to keep you from going over the edge, pull out temporarily and engage in some other types of play until you’re ready to be inside him again.

9. Know how to handle it if you do finish prematurely.

So let’s say it happened. You did your best to keep from orgasming too quickly, but you did it anyway. Again, almost all of us have been there and done that. We also know how disappointing it can be for the other person, but how you handle things in the moment can make a massive difference when it comes to taking the edge off.

Understand it’s not the end of the world and let him know what happened. Then ask him if you can do some other stuff for a bit while you wait to be ready to go again. He’ll almost definitely be game. Plus, who wouldn’t love to go twice with someone really hot? You’ll have a chance to show him how long you can really last the second time around.

10. Don’t sweat a little mess.

Yes, it’s great when you’re with a bottom that really has his act together when it comes to getting squeaky clean for a possible gay date beforehand. However, a little mess at some point is inevitable if you’re a top and it’s not necessarily the bottom’s fault. Don’t be that guy that makes a big, massive deal about it. It’s rude and it can be really embarrassing for the other guy.

Instead, simply ask if you can have a second to change condoms if you’re really that bothered. If you’re not bothered, just wrap the condom in a paper towel or a bit of toilet paper after you’re done and throw it out discreetly. Then just wash yourself off. He may well not realize that happened and you can spare him the embarrassment.

As you can see, being a really great top really boils down to being considerate of the other person’s needs, wants, and feelings. When in doubt, err on the side of caution and put yourself in his shoes. It’ll be hard to go wrong!

Rob West

Rob West

I worked with Matt to build several hookup apps for gay men, including Guyhop.

I've been in the scene for several years now. Eternally single until I find "him".

My background is in marketing and psychology, which gives me a unique perspective on the LGBTQ dating and hookup scene.