Here in 2017, it seems as if people are more open sexually than ever before. People talk freely about once-taboo topics like female sexuality and sex toys of all types. It’s totally acceptable to have an interest in open relationships or casual sex.
Books like Fifty Shades of Grey are achieving bestseller status and starting frank conversations all over social media as well. So why are so many of us still falling into sexual ruts and settling for stale, stagnant sex lives?
At the end of the day, sex is just like anything else. It’s totally possible to fall into a routine and get stuck there, especially if you’ve been sleeping with the same person for a long while. Don’t be fooled though. You can still settle into a stale sexual routine even if you’re single and unattached to any one person in particular.
Here we’ll go over some of the surest signs that your sex life is going stale and could really use a jump start. We’ll touch on some ways you can give it the jolt it needs as well.
1. Given the choice, you’d rather get some extra sleep than have sex.
Remember the days when the chance to have morning sex seemed like hitting the sexual jackpot? Ask yourself right now how you feel about it these days. If you still consider getting it on first thing in the morning to be the best possible way to start your day, you probably have a decent sex life and at least one sexual partner you’re wildly attracted to.
If you’d honestly rather hit the snooze button one more time and get some extra shuteye instead, that’s a pretty clear sign that your sex life isn’t really up to snuff. The thought of sex should give you a reason to get up early in the morning, not literally inspire you to go back to sleep.
2. You can’t remember the last time you put any real thought into what you wore to bed.
When we’re with someone new and exciting, we care how we look when we saunter into the bedroom for the night. We make it a point to stay fit, clean, and well-groomed. We most certainly put some thought into what we’re wearing to bed. You want that person to think you’re the sexiest thing since satin sheets, so no torn t-shirts allowed!
If you can’t remember the last time you went the extra mile to look (and feel) sexy in bed, it could be a sign that you’re just not that excited about sexy time anymore. It’s routine and boring, as opposed to something to anticipate and get all revved up over.
3. You can’t remember the last time you had sex anywhere other than the bedroom either.
Think back to the early days of your life as a sexually active being. If you’re like a lot of people, you probably recall not being able to get enough. Maybe there were countless occasions when you had to have it so badly, you were perfectly happy to get down and dirty wherever, whether that was the back seat of your car or behind a tree at the park. If at home, you were probably just as likely to get busy on the couch or in the kitchen as you were your actual bed.
When was the last time you got it on anywhere other than your bed? When was the last time you actually felt any sense of urgency whatsoever when it comes to your sex life, for that matter? If you either can’t remember or know that it’s been a while, it’s a sign your sex life is stagnating.
4. You change your sheets more often than you switch up your sexual positions.
If you’ve been with the same person for years or it’s been a while since you tried anyone new on for size, the chances are pretty good that you’ve fallen into a little bit of a routine. Routines aren’t a bad thing across the board, as they often also probably mean you’ve learned how to please the person you’re sleeping with. However, they also mean you probably don’t change it up in the bedroom often enough to keep things fresh.
Having a favorite go-to position that you know gets you both off every time is fine. Just be aware that sometimes people stick strictly to what they know for peace of mind when things are going stale in other areas of their sex life.
5. You think sex toys and other sex aids are for solo play only.
Lots of people have a vibrator, a fleshlight, or a porn collection on hand for lending a helping hand to their masturbation sessions, so to speak. However, they rarely to never consider bringing their sexual aids into the bedroom to share with their partners, even when they sense things are getting boring or unsatisfying.
If your solo sex life is more exciting and rewarding than actual partnered sex with another person, it might be time to ask yourself why. Social sex or something like masturbation is awesome and healthy for sure, but if you’re putting more creativity and effort into that than you are your actual sex life with other people, it’s a problem.
6. Instead of enjoying foreplay, you find yourself rushing through it.
When your sex life is truly on point, sex is something you look forward to and probably want to prolong to the greatest extent possible. For that reason, foreplay and the intimacy it creates is something you savor as your anticipation builds.
On the other hand, a stagnating sex life might find you rushing through foreplay instead. You’re eager to simply get to the main event so you can just get off already and move on to the next thing. Definitely a sign things aren’t as exciting as they ought to be!
Now What Do You Do About It?
So now that you have a better idea whether or not your sex life is slowly going stale before your very eyes, it’s time to figure out what to do about it. Of course, you can simply decide things are what they are and resign yourself to your situation, but actually doing something about it is a much better idea. Start by considering the following suggestions.
1. Put some effort into things.
A lot of people tend to simply blame a stale sex life on their partner, on their age, or on work-related stress. However, while those things could definitely be part of the equation, start by considering what you can change about your own approach to sex.
Treat yourself to a make-over, some sexy new things to wear in the bedroom, and some luxurious new sheets. Step up your game in the grooming department and maybe hit the gym a little more often. Try bringing some of your favorite sex toys into the bedroom for a little experimentation. When you feel sexy, you’re more likely to act like one when it’s actually time to get busy. And don’t forget… you could try some adult finder services that could help you find fresh sex partners.
2. Be more spontaneous.
If your sex life is getting stale, the chances are good that you’re falling into a routine as far as how and when you’re having as sex as well. This can happen even if you’re single, which you may already know if you spend literally every Friday night at the same bar and have one-night stands with the same types of people over and over.
Try being more spontaneous and scratching the itch right when you feel it instead of waiting until it’s “time” to go get laid. If you have a partner, try deliberately choosing a new place or time to unexpectedly get things started. If you don’t have a partner, try treating yourself to some new toys to play with or logging on to a chat site where you can practice your dirty talk. Go out or try some free hookups just because you feel like it, not because that’s simply part of your weekend routine.
3. Explore some new people.
If you’re single, in an open relationship, or simply someone that prefers casual dating, a new person to explore sexually can be just what the doctor ordered when it comes spicing things up. Try getting to know someone you wouldn’t normally go for or taking the plunge and actually talking to that hottie you’ve had your eye on for a while.
Alternatively, you could try connecting with some sexy new folks via a no-strings-attached hookup app. That’s a fantastic way to have some fun and try some exciting new things without the risk of things getting too serious.
Ruts, routines, and sexual stagnation are things that can happen to even the most open, sex-positive people sooner or later. Thankfully, getting out of a sex rut is often just as simple as getting into one was. All it takes is a little dedication and creative thinking. Get started today and you’ll be back to your former self in the bedroom in no time!