At this point, it’s definitely safe to say that technology is here to stay, as is everything that comes with it. That absolute includes e-dating, online hook-up sites, and cybersex. Even if you’ve never done it before, you almost certainly know what cybersex is. You probably also know it can be a fun, no-strings-attached way to relieve some sexual tension and meet interesting new people as well.
Even so, knowing what cybersex is all about is one thing. Actually knowing how to do it properly is another. While good safe cybersex can be fantastic, bad cybersex is cause for embarrassment at best. It’s important to know how to cybersex safely as well. Here we’ll go over some of the most important dos and don’ts to keep in mind when you let your fingers do the walking for an experience that’s positive on every level.
1. Make sure the other person is who they say they are.
You don’t need to actually know someone in order to have amazing, toe-curling cybersex with them. (In fact, sometimes it’s more fun if you don’t.) You do want to make sure you’re not engaging with a creep, a catfish, or a criminal for the sake of your own safety. It’s easier to wind up taken advantage of than you might think.
Do your best to try to confirm that the person really is who they say they are. Search their name online and check for an online presence. In this day and age, a complete lack of one is a sign that the person you’re talking to isn’t who they say they are. At the very least, a quick identity check will help assure you that 25-year-old college co-ed isn’t secretly a 50-year-old balding truck driver, right? Or even worse, undergage.
2. Make sure you’re faceless in any X-rated photos you send.
There are lots of reasons why it’s important to have at least some idea who you’re talking to when you’re cybering, and the possibility of blackmail is one of them. This is especially the case once items like explicit photos are changing hands. It’s definitely something that happens to people and you don’t want it to happen to you.
Don’t worry though. You don’t have to forgo the thrill of sending the sexy stranger you just met that five-alarm nude you just took. Just make sure keep your face out of any explicit videos or images you do send until you’re positive you know who’s on the receiving end.
3. Know how to recognize red flags.
Everyone that engages in cybersex is looking for something different from the experience. Some are just looking for a little quick and dirty tension relief. Others are ultimately looking to hook up and have sex offline and still more are at least open to the possibility of establishing a lasting relationship. The more you’re hoping to get out of the process yourself, the more important it becomes to know what the possible red flags look like.
Is the other person perfectly fine with having cybersex, but very reluctant to talk on the phone or grant a request to video chat for no discernible reason? If you’re supposedly heading toward a hook-up for sex, is your cyber partner strangely hesitant to meet in person despite seeming very interested online? If so, it’s quite possible that something’s not right and you’d do better directing your attentions elsewhere.
4. Know how to break the ice.
Even the steamiest round of cybersex has to start somewhere, right? If the other person doesn’t mind being the one to get the ball rolling, that’s great. However, you shouldn’t shy away from taking the initiative yourself if you think you’ve found a good candidate. The key is to start things off slowly, especially if you’re not actually using an interface where interest in cybersex is an automatic given.
Start with a few flirtatious comments and then gauge their reaction to what you’ve said. Someone that’s interested will be sure to show it instead of leaving you guessing. They’ll shoot you wink emojis and return your banter with some flirtatious responses of their own. Once that happens, you’re clear to steer to conversation into more risqué waters and try your luck.
5. Know how and when to use emoji or abbreviations.
Some people might argue against any emoji use when you’re engaged in a serious cyber session, but we personally think it doesn’t hurt to use them sparingly. Most people take sex way too seriously and would do well to remember it’s okay to have a little fun. A couple of emoji can also be a great way to clarify your intentions and lighten up the mood when needed. Just make sure not to overdo it.
Take care not to use too much shorthand or too many abbreviations though, especially any that the other person may not be immediately familiar with. Nothing kills a steamy mood more quickly for someone than having to stop and ask what was meant. Also pay attention to your spelling, as it counts for more than you might think. At best, bad spelling is distracting. Spellcheck and autocorrect are your friends!
6. Work your way up to the good stuff.
Cybersex is just like regular sex when it comes to pacing. A gradual build-up is a lot more fun and exciting than going from zero to all-out pretty much right away. That said, if you’re engaged in a cyber session that includes pictures, don’t lead with a full nude or a straight-up dick pic (unless that’s actually what the person is asking for and you’re on board with that).
Instead, build a little suspense with a series of shots that mimic the experience of undressing in front of the person, one piece of clothing at a time. Don’t be afraid to get artistic or creative if the mood hits you and definitely make sure you’re having fun. You’ll have them begging for more before you know it.
7. When in doubt, just ask.
Consent isn’t just a concept to pay attention to when you’re offline and trying to get laid. There’s still another person with human thoughts and feelings on the other side of that screen you’re glued to and you naturally want them to be as into everything going down as you are. If at any point you’re not sure about how to proceed, err on the side of caution and ask for consent outright.
Want to send them an explicit photo, but not sure you’re reading their signals correctly? Just ask them first and see what they say. Want to take the conversation into fantasy territory and not positive how to proceed? Find out first if they’re on the same page as far as whatever fetish you want to explore. It truly never hurts to ask, but it can hurt not to, especially when it’s your first time cybering with a particular partner.
8. Toys and props are totally allowed.
Cyber dating at its best can be a wonderful way to explore new corners of your sexual side. You’re free to indulge fetishes and fantasies you might not in real life. You’re also well within your rights to make the experience fun for yourself in any way you see fit.
That said, go right ahead and buy some special things to enjoy while you’re cybering once you decide you like the experience. Anything goes, but some examples definitely include toys, scented lotions, costumes, and gear. If you stumble across an opportunity to work any of your props into your sexts or photos, so much the better.
9. Remember that confidence is key.
When it comes to sexting and cybering, “anything goes” more often than not. However, one thing you never want to skimp on is confidence. Confidence is quite literally the X-factor that separates a fantastic cyber experience from one that just falls flat. (If you’re brand new to cybering, it’s totally cool to fake it ‘til you make it.)
Once you make a choice (i.e. sending a photo or bringing up a fantasy for discussion), stick by it confidently. Wait for their reply and roll with it. People can 100% tell if the person they’re talking to is confident in themselves and in what they’re doing, so definitely be that.
10. Have fun playing the field.
Part of the fun of cybersex is the sheer lack of limits on what you can do, say, and explore. That said, there’s no real reason to cyber and sext with just one person (unless that’s the way you both want it). This is an exhilarating, guilt-free experience you can enjoy as often and with as many people as you want.
Plus, cybersex can be great for your offline sex life. It can help you build confidence, explore your fantasies, and maybe even discover a few things you might be really into. It’s a great way to practice and glean inspiration for the real thing as well. All you have to do is make sure to stay safe and you’re free to explore the possibilities to the fullest!