Sometimes it’s easy to tell when a hot guy is totally scoping you out. Other times, figuring out whether or not he’s both gay and into you in particular can be a lot more challenging, especially outside of a bar setting. After all, not everyone wears their intentions right there on their sleeves, especially when they’re gay and probably equally unsure about you.
It’s actually easier than you think to spot he’s totally into what you’re all about though. You just need to know what you’re looking for. Here we’ll go over some of the easiest ways to tell whether or not someone you’ve got your eye on is even gay in the first place. We’ll touch on how you can be sure he’s actually into you in particular as well.
1. He seems to only have eyes for you.
If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone was 100% focused on you because they found you hypnotically attractive, you knew it. Such a person’s energy is just different than it would be if they were merely being attentive or polite. It can sometimes make you feel as if they’re hunting you (except in a positive way).
If you’re picking up on that vibe from a particular guy, it’s pretty safe to say that he’s into you. A guy that’s just having fun or being friendly in a social situation never focuses all his attention on one person in particular. That only happens when someone’s on his sexual radar.
2. He jumps on any chance to lock eyes with you.
Let us start by saying there’s a huge difference between simply staring at someone and locking eyes with them. Staring feels creepy and makes people uncomfortable. Locking eyes, on the other hand, is a lot more personal and can feel positively electric.!
It’s also not something that happens by accident… ever. When eye contact is accidental, it’s pretty obvious. The person looks away quickly and does their best to ignore that it happened because they’re not interested in making a deeper connection. When a guy’s interested, he’ll hold your gaze. Even if he suddenly gets shy and looks away, he’ll eventually look back again. Ultimately, you’ll get the feeling that he wants you to know he noticed you.
3. He seems really focused on finding commonalities.
When gay men flirt, they go out their way to find things the two of you have in common whether that’s as simple as a shared love of Game of Thrones or as complex as a similar world view. They do this even if they have to really reach for those little tidbits. If you sense a guy is doing this, it’s an excellent sign that he likes you, he wants you to like him, and he’s hoping to impress you.
Of course, it’s ultimately a judgment call as to whether he’s really into you romantically or just trying to get on your good side for whatever reason. Either way though, it’s for sure a clear sign that you’ve got his attention and that he’s hoping to get yours.
4. He mirrors your gestures and nonverbal cues.
When a human is totally into another human’s vibe, they have a tendency to mirror some of the non-verbal gestures they make. This is just as much the case for gay men that are interested in a man they’re talking to as it is anyone else. It’s an intuitive thing people do without actually realizing it.
Test your guy by consciously making a little gesture as you talk to see if he’s tuned into you on this level. Take a small sip of your drink, touch a button on your shirt, or fold your arms. If he follows your lead and does something similar, that’s definitely a sign he’s super tuned into you.
5. His questions are more personal and less generic.
Most people do feel the need to keep polite conversation going in a social setting by asking questions. However, the type of questions a given guy is asking you will give you some pretty clear-cut clues into whether he’s really into you or simply being sociable.
A gay man that’s interested in you sexually or romantically will ask more personal questions in an effort to find out what really makes you tick. He might ask you about your family, your childhood memories, or your personal interests. He may also ask about your dreams, your goals, or your motivations in life. Someone that’s merely being polite will stick to more generic topics like the news, the weather, or sports.
6. He seems to be nervous around you for no discernible reason.
To be fair, there are lots of people out there that are painfully shy or super introverted and will act really nervous in social situations as a result. However, it’s easy to spot the difference between someone that’s socially anxious and someone that’s nervous because they’re attracted to someone else.
A socially anxious person will be exhibiting anxiety toward the entire situation as a whole. Someone that’s nervous because they’re trying to flirt with you and feeling concerned about how they’re coming across will have anxiety that seems to center only on you.
7. His body language suggests something more than mere friendliness.
When guys are around other guys, they naturally tend to respect each other’s personal space. This is usually the case even if the guys in question are all really close friends. However, a guy that is interested in another guy will instinctively break this protocol in little ways, whether or not he’s totally aware of it.
Does he seem to be going out of his way to touch you or get close to you when he could easily avoid that contact? Does this happen a lot? There’s a pretty good chance that he’s attracted to you. Of course there are people out there that truly have no filter and no sense of personal boundaries whatsoever, but we’re talking about something different. When someone’s breaking their personal bubble to get into your space because they’re interested, it comes across as smooth, as opposed to clumsy.
8. His pupils dilate when he looks at you.
Gay or straight, a person’s eyes tend to dilate when they’re looking at another human being they’re attracted to. A straight man’s eyes dilate when he looks at an attractive woman and a gay man’s eyes dilate when he sees an attractive man. It’s almost as if the person’s body and mind are trying to drink in the sight of that other person to the greatest extent possible.
This is also a completely involuntary response that a person can’t knowingly control. That said, zero in on his eyes when you cruise by him or catch his gaze. If his pupils dilate at the sight of you, that’s a pretty safe bet that he thinks you’re pretty darned attractive.
9. You catch him undressing you with his eyes.
There are a couple of reasons why a guy might scan another guy’s body from head to toe and back again. One is that he’s looking for clues as to that person’s social worth – expensive clothing, a unique sense of style that breaks the mold, et cetera. He’s trying to figure out whether this is someone he needs to know from a professional standpoint, whether that person is a leader or a follower, and so forth.
Another possibility is that he’s undressing that guy with his eyes. He’s wondering what he looks like naked and contemplating whether he’s a top or a bottom. The difference lies in the person’s eyes, as well as their body language. When a person is mentally undressing another person, their body sort of relaxes and opens up instinctively. If you see that happening, you can bet it’s not your professional status he’s interested in.
10. He’ll chat you up on social media.
Lots of people rub elbows with folks in social situations and wind up adding them on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram if the subject comes up. After all, this is the day and age of networking and ever-growing contact lists! However, someone that’s truly interested in you won’t just add you and call it a day. They’ll actually leverage that gay platform to chat you up again.
That said, if a guy you’re wondering about not only added you on Facebook, but messaged you or otherwise made an effort to chat you up afterward, he might be into you. If he attempted to make that conversation personal in some way, it’s almost certain that he’s into you. Men that are merely interested in another man’s friendship don’t really do that.
At the end of the day, a lot boils down to whether or not someone’s behavior gives you that feeling that they’re totally into what you’re all about. If you notice any of the above signs in conjunction with that feeling, the chances are pretty good that he’s into you!