Bro friendships, or bromances, are important for mental health and for overall quality of life. In this article we dive into what bro friendships are and how to get more out of bro-time with your friends.
Life would be no fun without bro friendships—guys would be lonely, bored and likely downright miserable. But, as men, sometimes it can be difficult to start new friendships. Perhaps you’ve moved away, or have simply taken your life in different directions than your old friends. Maybe your old bro friends are now married or in relationships, and you’re still single and feeling left behind.
Having people you can count on is important for anyone, especially if you’re single. Having someone to bounce ideas off of, or be a wingman if you want to go out and try to meet new people. There is safety in numbers and having a friend with you can improve any situation, especially if you’re going out on the town.
Before you can go about making new friends, it’s important to ask yourself a question that is critical in whatever next steps you may take.
What Do You Really Want from a Bro Friendship?
This question is paramount when determining where you are in life, and what kind of bromances you are looking for. Often, we end up hanging out with people who call themselves our friends but don’t care about us or our interests.
In these types of situations, conversations can be hard and feel fake. Small talk and fake smiles become the norm, just for the sake of not being alone, and nobody wants that.
Creating lasting, meaningful connections can take a little bit of work, but it’s worth it in the end. Finding people with similar interests, likes and dislikes, and respect for you is the first step towards making good friends.
You want to feel comfortable around your friends and to know that you’re in the right place with the right people. If you think your current bro friends are holding you back and don’t care about you or your lot in life, it’s time to find people who do.
Finding people with common interests is the first step in making bro friendships because it gives you something to talk about and a reason to hang out more.
This is not to say you shouldn’t give people with different interests the time of day, but maybe avoid trying to make those lasting connections—it’s simply unnecessary and can be a waste of time and energy.
There are websites like Meetup.com that allow you to join groups and find people who have similar or even the same interests and hobbies as you. This can be a great way to get in touch with people you may not have ever met otherwise and is especially helpful for those who lack the confidence to approach people in person.
However, confidence is key, and here are some key ways you can work on your confidence and conversation skills to get even better at making friends.
The Guy Who’s Friends with Everyone
Some people just have a knack for getting people to like them right off the bat. Wherever they go, everyone loves them. He’ll talk with them like he’s an old friend, and everyone will be smiling and laughing. How does it work?
It’s actually not all too difficult, it’s a social skill that anyone can develop. It can be awkward at first, but it will become more natural after some time. It requires making regular small talk, showing a real, genuine interest in other people, and having a good sense of humor.
Some other ways you can be the guy who’s friends with everyone are by doing the following.
Being great at conversation
Many guys who struggle with bro friendships or relationships are simply terrible at making conversation, especially when meeting new people.
What’s worse is when you think you are making a good conversation, and then, in the end, you get rejected and are left wondering why.
If nobody is there to tell you what you’re doing wrong, you are doomed to keep making the same mistakes repeatedly.
Confidence is extremely attractive, and people are much more inclined to give you respect and want to be around you in general. In addition, confident people are much more likely to have good sex, be in a better mood, get better jobs, and generally be fun to be around.
People are drawn to those who exhibit confidence. Likewise, if you clearly are lacking in the confidence department in social situations, people are much less likely to want to be around you.
If you find yourself in a crowd of other self-conscious people, you will likely be able to make friends. But if you want to push yourself and aim higher, you’ve got to work on your confidence level.
Be The Cool Guy
While it may seem childish to talk about who’s “cool” and who’s not, the gist of it is that humans are always drawn to those who are doing well for themselves or at least make it seem like they are.
Money, status, and ability are all things that humans will naturally consider when determining if someone is a good match for any relationship, platonic or romantic.
People struggling to make friends or maintain relationships are likely coming across as “uncool,” which more often than not is just them settling for less.
Don’t make a habit of complaining about your job or life, or make yourself a victim. Nobody wants to sit and listen to someone who feels bad for themselves—this is a great way to make people feel awkward, and they will try to avoid you.
Talk about your accomplishments, goals, and aspirations, and make yourself sound interesting. Confidence and social intelligence are key when talking about yourself.
A Good First Impression
A lot of people who are struggling with new relationships will say it’s because they are shy at first. It’s very common for people to have trouble opening up at first, but once they get to know someone, it’s like meeting a whole new person.
There are certainly people who will understand this, but more often than not you will just come off as socially awkward.
When making new friends or trying to draw in the opposite sex, you want to make a really good first impression. Sometimes this means exuding confidence, however false, right off the bat. Talk to people like you are already friends.
Talking to people in a self-deprecating way can make people feel bad, or even make them feel like it’s their fault you are not comfortable. Of course, nobody wants to feel like that, and they will likely try to get away from you sooner rather than later.
It’s your job to make yourself feel better about yourself, and nobody else’s. You can not rely on the reassurance or compliments of others—that’s not their responsibility. Go into a conversation with the idea that you deserve respect, you are worth talking to, and you will enjoy the interaction, and you will.
What Do You Do for Fun?
One of the best ways to make friends who have similar interests as you is to simply enjoy those interests. Engage in activities that you consider to be enjoyable, and you’re very likely to find someone else who is doing the same thing.
Now, some of these might be more socially inclusive than others. For example, if your hobby is playing on the computer or watching TV, your options are limited. Although in a world of online friends, maybe this will actually work out for you.
However, activities that get you to leave the comfort of your own home and interact with other people are much more likely to help you make friends.
What do you do for fun that can include others? Or what have you always wanted to try, but never half and could now? Do you enjoy lifting weights or working out? Maybe you’ll meet someone at the gym.
Are you a sports fan? Instead of watching at home, head to a local club or bar. Talking about your favorite team or perhaps the local one is a great conversation starter. Do you prefer to play rather than watch? Look for info on possible local teams in your area and see if you can get involved.
Maybe your sports interests are less traditional, something like martial arts or pool. Whatever your passion is, there’s always a way you can find others who share in your enthusiasm.
There are hundreds of conventions and hobby stores out there, from anything to sports cars to woodworkers. If you struggle with conversation, try to start by just asking questions—even if you already know the answers.
Start With One Bro Friendship
Bro friendships, like any relationship, takes work. You have to be willing to put in the effort and sometimes be selfless to see what other people need from you and how you can benefit from each other.
Don’t go out into the world with the intention of making everyone your friend—you will be sorely disappointed. Instead, work on building close bonds with one or two people, and likely they will introduce you to more.