The Best BDSM Dating Sites (2024): From a Former Hookup App Founder

photo of a man sexually dominating a woman

In this roundup, we’ll go over the top 5 best BDSM dating sites, based on our extensive experience in the industry, for 2024.

By best, we mean sites that give you the highest odds of finding a partners online that you can share your passion for bondage and kink with.

That being said, there are a lot of poorly written reviews on BDSM sites out there claiming to have been authored by “experts.” Don’t listen to them.

Most of these “expert” articles are actually just paid advertisements by the websites themselves. We don’t write sponsored articles, but we do collect a small referral commission if you decide to join some of the sites we suggest.

We all have to eat right? 😉

If you want to save some time, we’ve summed up our recommendations for best BDSM dating sites below:

Summary of Recommendations

#1 Best Overall for intense fetish and BDSM play:
Alt.com

#2 Best for finding kinky housewives:
Ashley Madison

#3 Best for straight BDSM:
BDSM.com

#4 Best for newbies getting into BDSM:
Adultfriendfinder.com

#5 Best for fetishes including BDSM:
Fetish.com

Who Are We

My name is Matt and I built Mixxxer.com back in 2015. Before turning it into a lifestyle blog, Mixxxer was a viral hit and one of the most popular hookup apps on the web. We signed up millions of members over the years.

I, along with my fellow Mixxxer alum, decided to take what we learned from running Mixxxer’s hookup service and offer our guidance to all the men (and women!) in the world looking to satisfy their sexual appetites.

How We Judge

We judge using several criteria which we’ve developed using our past experience from developing and managing our own adult dating site. The criteria includes:

  • Cost vs Value Analysis
  • Useful Features
  • User Experience
  • Quality of Members
  • Naughty Factor
  • Safety of Members
  • Privacy & Data Protection

One Last Note

If you’ve read any of my other reviews, you’ll have heard me say that bigger is always better when it comes to sites and app for finding sexual partners online, including BDSM.

What do I mean by that?

The bigger BDSM sites have more potential partners to choose from and more of a chance for you to find a connection. It’s just that simple.

If you want to greatly improve your odds of finding a BDSM partner, joining one of the smaller more obscure sites will always end with poor results.

Whether you’re dating online, finding some casual sex or combing through BDSM personals, it is a numbers game. The more people you contact, the better chance you have of finding a mate. Done and done.

In fact, we won’t even consider recommending a BDSM personals site that has under 1 million active members.  Anything under that is a disqualifying factor for us.

Below are the 5 best BDSM dating sites based on many years of experience in the adult dating industry:

#1 BEST OVERALL

#2 BEST FOR SEX & BDSM

#3 BEST FOR BDSM ONLY

 #4 BEST FOR NEWBIES

$5 BEST FOR FETISH PLAY

Alt.com

$19.95 / mo

The OG of BDSM personals. They have a huge and passionate BDSM community.

Ashley Madison

25 cents per credit

This is a numbers game, and Ashley Madison has the most numbers by far! Lots of kinky housewives!

BDSM.com

$29.95 / mo

They have a user base of nearly 2 million members. That's a lot of BDSM enthusiasts to mingle with.

AdultFriendFinder.com

$19.95 / mo

Enormous user base where you're almost sure to find partners with similar kinks, BDSM especially.

Fetish.com

$29.95 / mo

A great place to explore festishes to see what you're into, not just BDSM. If you want BDSM, there's better options.

A More Detailed Look

Our #1 Choice – Best Overall

  • Largest BDSM community

  • Very kinky members

  • Messaging is premium

  • Beware of scammers

5/5

Why we like Alt.com

Alt.com is the true OG of BDSM personals. They are one of the oldest and most established dating websites for the BDSM community.

It has been around since the 1990s, and it’s safe to say that it has stood the test of time. What makes Alt.com stand out from other BDSM dating websites is its sheer size and diversity, which we love.

With over 2 million members worldwide, Alt.com is a smorgasbord for anyone interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Whether you’re into bondage, domination, submission, or just looking for some kinky fun, you’ll find like-minded individuals on Alt.com.

And it’s as simple as that. We like Alt.com because of the quality of its members. Unlike other BDSM personals websites, Alt.com attracts a more serious, dedicated and passionate group of individuals.

How are the member profiles?

The site boasts a large and diverse user base, with profiles ranging from experienced kinksters to curious newcomers.

Sign up is free. But Alt.com requires its members to fill out detailed profiles, which can help you quickly find someone who shares your kinks and interests.

We found that a good majority of users on the site take their profiles seriously, and are very honest and open about what they’re looking for, which is essential to any BDSM community.

That being said, with over 2 million profiles, there are definitely some scammers on the site that you have to watch out for. But that just comes with the territory.

How is the user experience?

While the UX does feel a little antiquated, we had a generally positive experience. The interface is super easy to use. Sign-up was a little lengthy, but I think that’s actually a positive, as it deters scammers. Overall it took me about 5 mins to create a profile.

Their search feature is great and really lets you dig deep when it comes to finding the “right” BDSM partner.

They also have a lot of fun ways to communicate with other members whether it be via video chat, traditional chat groups, forums or instant messaging.

But perhaps the most impressive feature of Alt.com is the level of community engagement and support it provides. The website regularly hosts events and meetups for members, as well as offering forums and groups where users can connect and discuss their BDSM interests. This creates a sense of belonging and camaraderie that is often lacking in other dating websites.

How is the user experience?

If it means enjoying the excitement of exploring your kinky side, through BDSM or other kinds of fetish play, I think $19.95 is very worth it. Alt.com offers a few different membership levels (Standard, Silver, Gold) that start at $19.95 per month and go up to $29.95 per month.

However, if you sign up for multiple months, or a year, you get a huge discount.

Mixxxer readers can sign up for FREE on Alt.com:

Our #2 Choice – Best for Sex Plus BDSM

  • Millions of Kinky Wives

  • Great for Sex & BDSM

  • Confusing credit system

  • Not exclusively BDSM

5/5

Why we like Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison is big. Like really big. With over 60 million members, it’s safe to say that you can fulfill any desire you have through their service, including BDSM play.

Additionally, Ashley Madison has always been discreet, which is an essential factor when it comes to BDSM dating.

People who are into BDSM are often wary of publicizing their sexual preferences, and Ashley Madison has always been mindful of this fact, offering a safe and secure platform for people to connect.

How are the member profiles?

Ashley Madison is known for being a platform designed for people seeking discreet affairs, but it has also attracted many BDSM enthusiasts over the years. The quality of profiles on Ashley Madison can vary depending on the level of effort put into creating them.

See also  AdultFriendFinder Review (2024): A Former Hookup App Founder's Honest Take

Regarding BDSM, Ashley Madison does have a specific category for kinky preferences, and users can search for matches based on those interests. However, it may take some filtering and searching to find individuals who are genuinely interested in BDSM and not just using it as a means of exploring their fantasies.

How is the user experience?

Ashley Madison just works. It’s simple and intuitive to use. That being said, the search functionality is not as extensive as some other niche BDSM dating websites. But they more than make up for it with the sheer size of their user base.

Is it worth the cost?

While it is more expensive than some of the other BDSM dating sites out there (starting at $49), you’re paying for access to at least 10 times more potential partners than most other sites. Remember what I said about this being a numbers game?

However, if you sign up for multiple months, or a year, you get a huge discount.

Mixxxer readers can sign up for FREE on Ashley Madison:

Our #3 Choice – Best If Only Looking for BDSM

  • Lots of enthusiastic users

  • Strict profile moderation

  • Quality of profiles varied

  • Not great for other fetishes

3.5/5

Why we like BDSM.com

BDSM.com has a large user base. Nothing compared to Ashley Madison or Alt.com, but they still have around 2 million active users. That’s not bad considering most of their members are there exclusively for BDSM.

The site has a very active community of members who are passionate about BDSM and willing to share their knowledge and expertise with others. Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced practitioner, you can find plenty of tips, advice, and guidance on the site.

How are the member profiles?

We found the quality of profiles on BDSM.com varied greatly. While some profiles are detailed and informative with great pics, others lacked critical information we wanted.

BDSM.com does have strict moderation policies in place to ensure users engage in respectful and safe interactions. All profiles and photos are manually reviewed before they are approved, reducing the risk of fake profiles and scams.

So they get a thumbs up there!

How is the user experience?

Overall, we found the user experience on BDSM.com to be quite good. The site is user-friendly and easy to use.

One of the unique features of BDSM.com is the extensive selection of BDSM-related groups and forums. Users can join groups based on their specific interests and preferences, and participate in discussions with other like-minded individuals.

This adds an additional level of community to the site, and allows users to connect with other members in a more meaningful way.

Is it worth the cost?

Overall, BDSM.com is a solid choice for anyone looking to explore the BDSM scene and connect with like-minded partners.

The cost of joining BDSM.com can vary depending on the membership level you choose. The website offers a 3-day trial membership for $7.95, a monthly membership for $29.95, a 3-month membership for $19.98 per month, and a 12-month membership for $14.99 per month.

If you are serious about finding a partner for BDSM and fetish adventures then BDSM.com is worth the cost.

Mixxxer readers can sign up for FREE on BDSM.com:

Our #4 Choice – Best for BDSM Noobs

  • Massive user base

  • Lots of kinky members

  • Website is "outdated"

  • Watch for scammers

4.5/5

Why we like AdultFriendFinder

AdultFriendFinder is a great option for BDSM newbies for a few reasons. First, it has a large user base, which means that there are plenty of people with varied interests in BDSM, and you’re likely to find someone who shares your kinks.

Second, the website’s user-friendly interface and search filters make finding like-minded partners much easier. You can filter your search by location, age, and sexual preferences, including BDSM interests.

Lastly, AdultFriendFinder.com has been in the adult dating business for many years and has a reputation for being a safe and secure platform for those interested in BDSM.

How are the member profiles?

We found that there were plenty of profiles on AFF that explicitly mentioned their BDSM interests and kinks as well as photos to back it up!

Overall, like Alt.com and Ashley Madison, AFF has an enormous user base which we really like.

How is the user experience?

While the site is a bit “outdated” in design, AFF’s user interface is straightforward and easy to navigate, with plenty of filters to help users narrow down their search results.

One significant advantage of Adultfriendfinder.com is that it has a strong emphasis on user safety and security. Users can verify their profiles and interact only with verified members which we HIGHLY recommend.

Is it worth the cost?

AdultFriendFinder gives you access to millions of horny BDSM and fetish enthusiasts around the world, from the safety of your phone or computer. When you look at it like that, isn’t $19.95 a month worth it?!

Mixxxer readers can sign up for FREE on AdultFriendFinder:

Our #5 Choice – Best for Fetishes Not Just BDSM

  • Great for fetishes

  • Good quality profiles

  • Better BDSM sites out there

  • Smaller than its competitors

3/5

Why we like Fetish.com

Fetish.com is a great platform for individuals who want to explore their fetishes including BDSM. Each site we’ve included in this roundup caters to different audiences. And while Fetish.com does have its fair share of BDSM enthusiasts, we think this is more of a fetish site.

How are the member profiles?

In general, the quality of the profiles on Fetish.com is high. Most members seem to take the time to fill out their profiles and provide detailed information about what they’re looking for in a partner.

One thing we noticed is that a lot of members have opted to keep their pictures private until they’ve established a connection with someone. That’s actually a good sign.

How is the user experience?

The user experience on Fetish.com is quite seamless and user-friendly. The site’s design is clean, modern, and intuitive.

Our favorite feature of the site is the “Kink Search.” It allows users to search for other members based on specific kinks, fetishes, and interests. This feature is particularly helpful for BDSM users.

Is it worth the cost?

The site offers both free and paid membership options. The free membership allows users to browse the site and create a profile. But if you want to message someone, you’ll have to pay.

Costs vary from $14.95 to $29.95 a month.

In the end, we think it’s probably better to go with one of our top 2 choices, Ashely Madison or Alt.com to satisfy your BDSM urges.

Mixxxer readers can sign up for FREE on Fetish.com:

Detailed Pricing Breakdown for Each Site

How Much Does Alt.com Cost?

Alt.com’s membership program is more traditional with monthly, quarterly or annual memberships:

Silver level pricing:

Gold level pricing:

How Much Does Ashley Madison Cost?

Ashley Madison works on a unique credit system which is much different than its competitors.

There are 3 tiers you can purchase:

How Much Does BDSM.com Cost?

BDSM.com’s membership program is more traditional with monthly, quarterly or annual memberships:

Silver level pricing:

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Gold level pricing:

How Much Does AdultFriendFinder Cost?

AdultFriendFinder’s membership program is more traditional with monthly, quarterly or annual memberships:

Silver level pricing:

Gold level pricing:

How Much Does Fetish.com Cost?

Fetish.com’s membership cost is on the lower side when compared to its cometitors.

What To Look for When Choosing the Best BDSM Dating Site

When it comes to BDSM dating sites, it’s essential to choose a platform that suits your needs and preferences. With so many options currently available, it can be challenging to determine which one is the best for you.

To make your search easier, we have listed the top 5 things we look for in a BDSM dating site.

1. Safety and Privacy

It’s important to choose a BDSM dating site that values safety and privacy. The site should have a strong verification process, be discreet with user information, and have a system for reporting and blocking inappropriate behavior.

2. Community and Support

Look for a site that has an active and engaged community of BDSM enthusiasts. The site should also provide resources and support for users, including forums, chat rooms, and educational content.

3. Compatibility Matching

A good BDSM dating site should employ compatibility matching to help connect users with compatible partners. This can include personality tests, sexual orientation, and BDSM preferences.

4. User Interface and Features

The site should be user-friendly and offer a range of features to enhance the user experience. This can include chat rooms, messaging, video chat, and even virtual playrooms.

5. Reputation and User Reviews

Do some research on BDSM dating sites before joining. Check out reviews and user feedback to find out what experiences other members have had with the site. Look for BDSM dating sites that have positive reviews and ratings, and a good track record in the community.

New To BDSM Dating? Here’s Some Quick Tips

New to BDSM dating? Get ready to have an extremely exciting and sometime scary time 😉

Here’s a few tips for the BDSM newbies:

1. Get Your Profile Right

Your profile is the first thing people will see online. Make sure it’s detailed and describes what you’re looking for in a BDSM relationship.

Be honest about your preferences and kinks, and make sure to include a recent, clear photo of yourself.

You want to attract people who are genuinely interested in exploring BDSM with you, so don’t be afraid to show off your kinky side.

2. Find a Safe Space

Safety is of utmost importance in BDSM. Look for online BDSM dating sites that prioritize safety and consent.

Some sites even offer safety guides and tutorials to help newcomers navigate the BDSM scene. Make sure you feel comfortable and in control at all times.

3. Start Slow

BDSM can be overwhelming if you’re new to it, so start slow. Take your time getting to know people online and make sure you’re both on the same page.

Ask questions, communicate your boundaries, and never be afraid to say no. The best BDSM relationships are built on trust and mutual respect.

4. Experiment

Once you’ve found someone you trust, start experimenting. Try out different kinks and BDSM activities to see what you enjoy.

Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone, but make sure you’re always practicing safe, sane, and consensual BDSM. You might discover new kinks and desires that you never even knew existed.

5. Keep Learning

BDSM is a constantly evolving scene, so keep learning about it. Read books, attend workshops, and connect with other members of the BDSM community online.

The more you know about BDSM, the more confident and comfortable you’ll feel exploring your desires on an online BDSM dating site.

Remember, BDSM is all about exploration, experimentation, and most importantly, having fun.

5 Safety Tips When Meeting Someone for BDSM Fun

While fun is your main goal, safety should always be your primary focus. There’s a lot of crazies and scammers out there. We’ve found that just exercising some common sense can keep you out of a lot of trouble.

That being said, here’s a few safety tips you HIGHLY suggest you follow:

1. Verify the person’s identity

One of the best ways to check if someone is real is to ask for a video call. If someone refuses to do so, it may be a red flag.

Also, check for inconsistencies in their profile, such as mismatched or stolen images, incomplete bio or lack of details about their identity. A fake profile is an obvious red flag that the person is not trustworthy or may have harmful intentions.

2. Set boundaries and safe words

BDSM involves a lot of physical and emotional intensity, so it’s important to establish boundaries beforehand. For instance, if someone does not want to be slapped, choked, or spanked, they should communicate it to their partner.

Safe words are also important to have, as they allow either party to stop the activity if they feel uncomfortable.

It’s a good idea to choose safe words that are easy to remember but not too common, like “red” or “yellow”.

3. Meet in a neutral public place first

Meeting in a public place before engaging in any BDSM activity can help you get to know someone better and assess whether you feel comfortable with the person.

You can have coffee or a drink, and discuss your interests and boundaries. This is also a good opportunity for you to ask any questions you have before engaging in BDSM play.

4. Do your research

BDSM can be risky, so it’s important to educate yourself before engaging in any sexual activity. Research different types of BDSM play, such as bondage, impact play, and age play.

Learn about the different sex toys and tools, such as ropes, handcuffs, floggers, and paddles. You should also educate yourself about safe practices, such as using barriers (like gloves or condoms) and cleaning equipment before and after use.

It’s also important to be aware of the risks associated with BDSM, such as physical injuries, emotional distress, and risk of STIs.

5. Trust your instincts

If something doesn’t feel right during BDSM play or online communication, trust your instincts and communicate your discomfort.

If the other person is not interested in respecting your boundaries or dismisses your concerns, it’s better to cut the interaction short.

Remember, BDSM play should always be consensual and safe. If you feel uncomfortable or unsure about a situation, stop the activity immediately and seek help or support if needed.

Lastly, be sure to check out our in-depth guide on how to spot dating scammers.

Summary of Recommendations

Here is a quick recap of our recommendations for the best hookup sites to find sex partners.

Best Overall for intense fetish and BDSM play
Alt.com

Best for finding kinky housewives
Ashley Madison

Best for straight BDSM
BDSM.com

Best for newbies getting into BDSM
Adultfriendfinder.com

Best for fetishes including BDSM
Fetish.com


BDSM for Beginners – Introducing BDSM Into a Relationship

What is BDSM – A Simple Guide to Sexual Domination & Submission


Matt Manes

Matt Manes

I am the original creator of the Mixxxer hookup app which became one of the most popular hookup services on the web.

Over the years, I've observed and learned a great deal about what works and what doesn't when it comes to dating and hooking up online.

While most guys learn through trial and error, I learned through analyzing the data from the millions of Mixxxer members we catered too.

Mixxxer