Even the smoothest Casanova you know was new to hookup culture at one time or another, so don’t worry. No matter how new you are to casual sex yourself, it’s easy enough to get the hang of things if you know the basics as far as what works. The following ground rules can help you find your groove when it comes to hooking up, as well as avoid some of the most common pitfalls newbies face.
1. Make Sure You’re Ready
Like anything else worth doing in life, there are good reasons and bad reasons to have casual sex. Bad ones include trying to prove to yourself or your social circle that you’re over your last relationship when you’re totally not. This isn’t the kind of thing you should do because “everyone else is doing it” either, especially if you know you’re a relationship person deep down. However, if you’re going casual because you know it’s a better fit for who you are, either right now or in general, then more power to you!
2. Pick Your Partners Wisely
As with traditional dating situations, choosing the right person is important if you’re serious about getting the most out of a hookup. You’re just looking for a different set of qualities than you normally would be. You’re not looking for “the one” or for someone you click with on a personal level. Think about the type of person you’ve always been drawn to and attracted to, but would normally never consider because they lack that long-term potential. That’s the perfect hook-up partner.
3. Know Where to Look for Partners
It’s probably best not to choose a friend, a coworker, or anyone else you know when considering possible hookup partners. Casual sex is best when you don’t have to worry about seeing the person again. If you like the idea of meeting someone in a traditional social setting, you can always hit up your favorite bar or club, but don’t be afraid to try an app or online interface instead if you just want to get straight to it. For best results, choose an option that caters specifically to people interested in casual sex and one-nighters. (Mixxxer is a terrific example, as you can use it to find sex in a flash wherever you happen to be.)
4. Embrace the Freedom
The beauty of hooking up and then going your separate ways is you don’t have to worry about what comes next. Instead, you can just enjoy being present in the moment. This is your chance to be whatever version of yourself you want to be, especially sexually. Have you always wanted to try a little roleplay on for size, just to see if it’s your thing? Maybe you’ve always wished you could take a specific type of person to bed, because it’s always been your fantasy. Go for it. Just do it in a way that’s honest. Don’t lie to people about who you are or whether you’ve done something specific before. People ask about those things, so they know what to expect, not because they’re looking to judge you, so just relax, be yourself, and have fun.
5. Speak Up (and Listen Up Too)
When you’re hooking up with someone you don’t know, you don’t have the advantage of having gotten to know each other previously. Neither of you is going to know what the other likes, and while that’s certainly part of the appeal, it calls for clear communication. Don’t play guessing games with the person when it comes to what they like. Ask them and pay attention to their responses. Don’t be shy about stating what you like and how you want it done either. The more direct the both of you are, the more fun you’re going to have together.
6. Be Casual, but Polite
The whole point of hooking up is likely not seeing each other again after you’re done doing the deed. For that reason, keep serious talk about feelings or the future out of the equation altogether. Casual sex is best when any conversation is kept super simple and light. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that it doesn’t matter how you treat a one-night stand though. Be polite and courteous – a good host or a good guest, depending on whose place you’re hooking up at. Keep in mind that this is a person who deserves to be treated with respect. Plus, word quickly gets around about hookups that are complete jerks in disguise, so it pays to be a gentleman or lady.
As you can see, keeping things casual when it comes to your sex life isn’t necessarily rocket science, but you do want to approach things from the right direction for best results. Get started today! An entirely new approach to pleasure and connection awaits.